|
人際關係篇--開欄文：討人喜的5秒鐘聊天撇步-Alessia Fransisca
|
瀏覽3,528 ｜回應33｜推薦1 |
|
|
|
這篇文章的體裁近於「程序書」：它一步一步的教人「怎麼溝通」；讀起來會有一些吃力，看官自己需要下點融會貫通的功夫。在現代社會中，跟周遭的人建立一個和諧、互信的連結(良好關係)，會是一個挺有幫助的生存技能。下文做了原則性的提示；相信本城市的訪客都有舉一反三的能力。
這篇文章可以跟《改變個性的步驟》一文參照；後者也提到：「內向型個性」和「排隊等候情境」。
The 5-Second Conversation Hack That Makes People Instantly Like You
A Social Psychologist’s Secret to Effortless Connection
Alessia Fransisca, 02/10/25
“Anchor Their Emotions” in 5 Seconds
What It Is:
Use a micro-observation + light vulnerability to spark instant rapport.
Why It Works:
1) Dale Carnegie Principle: People crave feeling interesting, not impressed.
2) Neuroscience: Vulnerability triggers oxytocin (the “bonding hormone”) in both parties.
3) Speed: First impressions form in 7 seconds — this hack front-loads connection.
Formula (公式):
“[Specific observation about them/context] + [Playful self-disclosure]”
Real-Life Examples
1. At a Work Event
Them (對方): Standing alone, checking their phone.
You: “I’ve been staring at the snack table for 10 minutes — debating if pineapple belongs on pizza. What’s your controversial food take?”
Why it works:
Observation: Notices their isolation (without judgment).
Vulnerability: Admits awkwardness.
Invites play: Sparks a low-stakes debate.
2. On a First Date
Them: Wearing a band T-shirt. (印有某個樂團標誌的圓領衫)
You: “I see your [band name] shirt — I saw them live once and cried during the ballad. No shame.”
Why it works:
* Shows attention: Proves you noticed details.
* Shared humanity (人性): Embarrassing stories = instant relatability.
3. With a Stranger
Them: Waiting in line, sighing impatiently.
You: “If this line takes longer, I might start singing show tunes. Fair warning.”
Why it works:
* Mirrors (反映) their emotion (frustration) → validation (肯定對方情緒).
* Humor disarms (減低對方戒心): Signals you’re safe to engage with.
The Science of Speed-Connection
* The “Halo Effect”: A positive first impression makes people overlook later flaws.
* Nonverbal Syncing (同步互動) : Matching their tone/energy in 5 seconds builds subconscious trust.
* The 55–38–7 Rule: 55% of likability comes from body language, 38% from tone, and 7% from words. (1)
Pro Tip: Pair your verbal hack with:
* Open posture (uncrossed arms) (開放式體態)
* Warm vocal tone (slightly lower pitch) (低音)
* Micro-smile (eyes crinkle, not just lips) (嘴角之外，眼角也在微笑)
When to Use It (and When to Avoid)
Best For:
* Networking events, dates, and meetings with strangers.
* Breaking tension in awkward silences.
Avoid (注意「情境」的適用性):
* Crises (e.g., someone’s upset).
* Formal settings require strict professionalism.
Your 24-Hr Challenge (知行合一)
1) Pick 3 interactions today (barista, coworker, friend).
2) Use the formula (以上第1節中的「公式」): Observation + light vulnerability.
3) Note their reaction: Did they smile longer? Engage more? (觀察對方的反應)
“But I’m introverted!” (如果你的個性是內向型) → Start with low-risk people (e.g., grocery cashier: “I’ve bought so much ice cream, you’re my witness now.”). (超商或超市員工通常比較友善，至少不會很嚴肅或排斥)
CTA (請回饋/請幫忙): Tag Your Socially Savvy Friend
* Clap (點讚) if you’ve ever blanked during small talk (we’ve all been there).
* Comment your go-to icebreaker — or try the hack and report back!
* Follow for part 2: How to Turn “Nice to Meet You” into “Let’s Collaborate.” (把「很高興認識你」轉化成：「咱倆一起幹」)
附註：
1. 我在職場學到一個很重要的溝通原則：你「怎麼說」遠比：你「說些什麼」重要得多。
Want to support：Join my Patreon
Want My Book：Shop NOW
相關資訊：
Relationships
Communication Skills
Social Psychology
Networking
Emotional Intelligence
本文於 修改第 11 次
|
|
12個非常惹人厭的壞習慣 --- Morgan McMurrin
|
|
|
推薦1 |
|
|
|
我把這些「壞習慣」列舉於下，並加翻譯。請各位各自行閱讀細節(尤其是你知道自己有這個毛病)，以及了解它們何以讓人覺得不舒服。
1. Crossing Your Arms；把兩手橫叉在胸前。
2. Interrupting Others；別人說話時老是插嘴。
3. Not Keeping Eye Contact；跟人溝通時眼神亂飄。
4. Oversharing；跟不相干的人分享自己的事。
5. Ignoring Emails；不回別人的電郵。
6. Sighing；嘆氣。
7. Swearing；滿嘴三字經。
8. Tapping Your Foot or Finger；用腳趾踏地，或或用手指敲桌子。
9. Slouching；彎腰駝背。
10. Being Addicted to Your Phone；一天到晚盯著手機。
11. Not Truly Listening；跟別人交談時漫不經心。
12. Talking Too Much About Yourself；動不動就自賣自誇。
12 Habits That Give Off a Bad Vibe Without You Even Realizing It, According to Psychologists
Your actions might be saying more than you think.
Morgan McMurrin, 05/01/25
Nobody is perfect. Everyone has little habits or idiosyncrasies they do without thinking, things they’ve been doing since they were little or actions that they picked up out of nowhere. For most people, these things are so ingrained that they don’t even notice when they are doing them. However, while they may seem like perfectly normal behaviors or actions to one person, they might not be to others. In fact, even the tiniest habits can accidentally and unintentionally cause people around you to have negative feelings or feel uncomfortable. And even though you may be unaware that you are sending out any off-putting signals, whatever you’re doing could be saying otherwise. But what are these habits that give off bad vibes without us even realizing it?
Parade spoke to psychologists Dr. Lienna Wilson, PsD, and Dr. Emma Seppälä, PhD, so they could help shed some light on these subtle behaviors. That way, you can find out if you’re guilty of doing any of them yourself. You might be shocked by a couple of the ones they bring up, but don’t worry—once you know what to look for, you can easily turn those vibes around.
By becoming aware of certain things you’ve been doing at work or around your family and friends, you can stop an annoying habit before it makes others perceive you negatively. After all, a little awareness goes a long way when it comes to making sure your energy is as positive as possible.
With a little insight and reflection, you have the power to shift your energy, communicate more clearly and create a vibe that draws people in rather than pushes them away.
What Does ‘Giving Off a Bad Vibe’ Mean?
If you’ve never heard this phrase before, it basically means someone is projecting an off-putting aura that suggests negative emotions or discomfort. It’s the kind of impression that makes people feel uneasy, even if they can’t put their finger on why. It can be caused by several different things a person does or says and it can be unintentional.
12 Habits That Give Off a Bad Vibe Without You Even Realizing It
1. Crossing Your Arms
If you aren’t aware of your body language, you might want to start paying more attention, because our experts say even certain postures can send off a bad vibe.
“This type of posture can cause you to appear closed off or defensive when you do it, thus giving off a bad vibe,” Dr. Seppälä reveals. “Even if someone might be standing with their arms crossed just because they are cold or unsure where to place their hands, it can suggest emotional discomfort or resistance and that is why it gives off a bad vibe.”
2. Interrupting Others
Dr. Seppälä tells Parade that cutting people off mid-conversation can be off-putting.
“Interrupting someone signals that their thoughts and words aren’t valuable,” she shares. “It implies a lack of respect and can make people feel dismissed or unimportant—thus, causing you to unintentionally give off a bad vibe to those you’re speaking with.”
3. Not Keeping Eye Contact
“Avoiding eye contact or paying more attention to your phone or surroundings than to the person in front of you sends the message: ‘You’re not important,’” Dr. Seppälä discloses.
Dr. Wilson agrees, adding, “Maintaining good eye contact is crucial for conversation flow and it signifies that you are paying attention and respect what another person has to say, so it can give off a bad vibe if you fail to do so.”
However, she adds that people could be doing this for many reasons, which is why they are unaware of their behavior.
“People on the [autism] spectrum often struggle with eye contact and can overcompensate by staring at a person, while people with ADHD can struggle to maintain eye contact because they get distracted and lose focus," she explains. "Additionally, people with social anxiety maintain poor eye contact because they feel shy out of fear of being judged in social settings.”
4. Oversharing
“Oversharing often gives off a bad vibe because the listener usually feels stumped and doesn’t know what to say,” Dr. Wilson points out. “During a smooth conversation, the listener picks up where a speaker left off, but when a person overshares, it usually means talking about sensitive topics that others may not feel comfortable to share in response.”
She adds that the reason this tends to happen is because a person feels anxious and cannot tolerate silence, so they would rather speak about something uncomfortable than not say anything at all.
5. Ignoring Emails
If you are concerned about whether or not you’re giving off a bad vibe at work, one way you can check is with the speed you reply to emails sent to you.
“No one likes to be ignored, and not answering someone’s email can cause you to give off a bad vibe without you realizing it because it can make a person feel that they are being disrespected or that you simply don’t care,” Dr. Wilson tells Parade.
Though she says that sometimes slower replies can be due to anxiety or a person trying to avoid something, it can potentially impact your reputation and cause you to unknowingly give off a bad vibe.
6. Sighing
The next time you find yourself about to sigh, attempt not to. Why? Our experts reveal doing so can cause you to give off a bad vibe to those around you.
“While sighing is a powerful habit that people typically engage in mindlessly, when you sigh, people around you might feel that you don’t like or disagree with what they just said,” Dr. Wilson reveals.
7. Swearing
How you speak in your everyday life can impact what others think about you.
“Swearing can give off a bad vibe because people often swear when they feel angry or frustrated,” Dr. Wilson points out. “When a person hears someone swearing, they might feel that that anger or frustration is directed at them, especially if they have early traumatic experiences of being verbally abused. It might be okay to swear in the presence of people who are receptive and know you well, but be careful swearing in less familiar settings.”
8. Tapping Your Foot or Finger
“Fidgeting, tapping your foot or tapping your finger can make others uncomfortable, making them think you are being impatient,” Dr. Wilson shares with Parade. “This is a common behavior for people with anxiety or for people with ADHD, hyperactive type.”
Dr. Seppälä adds, “While this subtle action is often a nervous tick or coping mechanism, others may interpret it as a sign that you’re rushed or want to end an interaction, which is why it causes you to give off a bad vibe unintentionally.”
9. Slouching
Did you know that how you stand or sit can sometimes determine if you’re giving off a good vibe or not? According to our experts, it’s true!
“While slouching is often simply a result of fatigue or being physically uncomfortable, the signal this stance sends may be stronger than you intend or realize,” Dr. Seppälä shares.
Dr. Wilson agrees.
“When you are slouching in a social or business setting, others might perceive you as insecure, tired or bored," she explains. "That’s why you should pay attention to your posture and try to straighten your shoulders to avoid giving off bad vibes.”
10. Being Addicted to Your Phone
If you’re guilty of constantly being on your phone when you’re around friends and family, it can give off a bad vibe.
“Phone scrolling has become a bad habit that many people engage in, in part because many are addicted to checking their notifications on social media, or checking the news when we are doomscrolling," Dr. Wilson states. "However, it makes others feel ignored and like you'd rather pay attention to your phone than to someone you are speaking with."
Dr. Seppälä tells Parade that even if you're just checking your notifications or using your phone to ease your social anxiety, it still sends out signals of disinterest, which in turn makes others feel like they're not worth your full attention, and is why it can cause you to give off a bad vibe without meaning to.
11. Not Truly Listening
“Charismatic individuals make others feel like they’re the only person in the room by being fully present, so when you’re distracted, others may feel unseen, unvalued or even rejected, causing you to give off a bad vibe,” Dr. Seppälä says. “Rejection activates the same areas of the brain as physical pain—so this seemingly small habit can have a significant emotional impact.”
12. Talking Too Much About Yourself
Have you ever been around someone who constantly talks about themselves? If so, you understand why our experts say this is one habit people do that can give off a bad vibe without them having any knowledge about it.
“It’s easy to dominate a conversation when you're nervous or trying to fill space, but if you rarely ask questions or turn your attention toward the other person you’re supposed to be having a conversation with, it can feel self-centered, which gives off a bad vibe." Dr. Seppälä explains. "Remember, people want to feel seen and heard."
Sources
* Dr. Lienna Wilson, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist who specializes in cognitive-behavioral therapy for anxiety and related disorders.
* Dr. Emma Seppälä, PhD, is a psychologist and best-selling author.
Related:
13 Surprising Habits That Make You 'Instantly Likable,' Psychologists Say
14 Phrases That Make You Sound 'Instantly Uptight,' According to Etiquette Experts
People Who Stay 'Genuinely Joyful' in Their 50s and Beyond Usually Adopt These 8 Habits, Psychologists Say
A Social Media Coach Is Begging People To Stop This Common Online Habit
Jefferson Fisher Is Begging People To Stop Making This Communication Mistake at Work
8 Habits To Start With Your Adult Kids That Will Transform Your Relationship, According to Psychologists
An Etiquette Expert Is Begging People To Stop This 'Rude' Habit During Phone Calls
5 Things Classy People Never, Ever Reveal About Themselves in Public, According to an Etiquette Expert
本文於 修改第 2 次
|
|
關係變質階段和破裂點-Maria Morava
|
|
|
推薦1 |
|
|
|
「關係」一詞在此指「夫妻關係」和「戀人關係」(包含「同居關係」)；嚴格說來，放在此欄或有爭議。但是，「夫妻關係」和「人際關係」兩者的處理基本原則和問題產生來源應該相通。放在此欄應該有舉一反三和相互啟發的效應。
Psychologists Reveal the Point Your Relationship is 'Doomed'
Maria Morava, 03/24/25
Red Flags You Should Never Ignore On A First Date 請至原網頁觀看視頻
When a relationship ends, it often feels sudden—but new research suggests the cracks start forming years before the final split.
According to a new study by psychology professors Janina Bühler from Johannes Gutenberg University Mainz and Ulrich Orth from the University of Bern, most relationships go through a predictable decline in satisfaction long before they reach a breaking point.
The researchers found that relationship satisfaction typically begins to decline gradually over several years, hitting a critical "transition point" about one to two years before the relationship ends. From this point onward, satisfaction deteriorates quickly.
"Couples in question then move towards separation," Bühler said in a statement.
The two phases of relationship decline
The researchers analyzed data from 11,295 individuals across four national studies conducted in Germany, Australia, the United Kingdom and the Netherlands—all "WEIRD," or, "Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, Democratic" nations, where individuals are free to choose their relationship status.
The studies tracked relationship satisfaction over periods ranging from 12–21 years.
Rather than looking at satisfaction over the course of a relationship, Bühler and Orth examined how satisfaction evolved in the time leading up to a breakup. Their analysis identified two phases of decline:
* The "preterminal phase": This early phase can last for several years and is marked by a slow and gradual decline in satisfaction.
* The "terminal phase": After hitting the "transition point," satisfaction drops sharply, lasting between seven and 28 months.
"Once this terminal phase is reached, the relationship is doomed to come to an end," Bühler said. "This is apparent from the fact that only the individuals in the separation group go through this terminal phase, not the control group."
Interestingly, the study also revealed that partners don't typically experience these phases at the same time. The person who initiates the breakup often becomes dissatisfied much earlier, feeling the decline over a longer period. Meanwhile, the other partner may only notice the deterioration right before the breakup happens.
"Partners pass through various phases," Bühler explained. "They do not normally separate from one day to the next, and the way these phases impact on the two partners differs." This delayed awareness may explain why some breakups seem to come "out of nowhere" for one partner.
Can breakups be prevented?
The study's findings suggest that timing is crucial when it comes to relationship interventions. According to Bühler, many couples pursue help too late—often after the transition point when satisfaction is already plummeting.
"It is thus important to be aware of these relationship patterns. Initiating measures in the preterminal phase of a relationship, i.e., before it begins to go rapidly downhill, may thus be more effective and even contribute to preserving the relationship," Bühler said.
For couples hoping to avoid an inevitable split, recognizing these early signs could be key to repairing the relationship before it's too late.
Reference
Bühler, J. L., & Orth, U. (2025). Terminal decline of satisfaction in romantic relationships: Evidence from four longitudinal studies. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspp0000551
Do you have a tip on a science story that Newsweek should be covering? Do you have a question about the psychology of relationships? Let us know via science@newsweek.com.
本文於 修改第 1 次
|
|
讓人忘不了的8秒鐘印象撇步 - Alessia Fransisca
|
|
|
推薦1 |
|
|
|
作者引用了很多心理學的理論、概念、和術語；看官們請自行上網查字典。部份網路通用詞請參見開欄文中的翻譯。
How to Be Unforgettable in 8 Seconds
A psychologist’s formula for instant, authentic impact.
Alessia Fransisca, 02/24/25
The Coffee Shop Moment That Changed Everything
“I watched a stranger walk into a café, order a latte, and leave the barista grinning like they’d just met their favorite celebrity. No flashy outfits, no loud jokes. Just 8 seconds of magic. Here’s the science-backed trick to making people remember you — without trying too hard.”
The Problem: Why Most First Impressions Fizzle
* Overcompensation: Forced charm feels inauthentic (and people smell desperation).
* Generic Energy: “Hi, how are you?” blends into the noise of forgettable small talk.
The “Amygdala Freeze”: Stress turns your brain into a scrambled egg, killing charisma.
Science Says: Authenticity > performance. People remember how you made them feel, not your resume (Journal of Experimental Psychology, 2021).
The 8-Second Formula: “The Spotlight Shift”
What It Is:
A three-step method to make others feel seen in seconds.
Steps:
1. Laser-Focus Attention: Lock eyes, ditch distractions (no glancing at your phone!).
2. Mirror Their Energy: Match their tone (playful, calm, or curious).
3. Ask a “Keyhole Question”: A hyper-specific query that sparks curiosity.
Example:
Them: “I’m a teacher.”
You: “What’s one lesson your students taught you this year?” (Cue their smile and your memorability.)
Why It Works (The Science)
The Halo Effect: A positive first impression makes people overlook flaws.
1) Mirror Neurons: Mimicking tone/body language builds subconscious rapport.
2) Dopamine Boost: Curiosity triggers a chemical reward, linking you to good feelings.
Real-Life Scripts (Steal These)
1. Networking Events
“You mentioned startups — what’s one problem you’re obsessed with solving right now?”
2. First Dates
“What’s a hobby you’ve never told anyone about… until now?”
3. Job Interviews
“What’s one thing about this role that keeps you excited to come to work?”
The “Unforgettable” Checklist
Do:
* Nod slightly while they speak (signals active listening).
* Use their name once (“That’s fascinating, [Name]”).
Don’t:
* Overshare your achievements.
* Force humor (awkwardness sticks harder than wit).
Your 7-Day Challenge
* Day 1–2: Practice laser focus (one conversation daily, no distractions).
* Day 3–4: Mirror tone/energy in 3 interactions (note their reactions).
* Day 5–6: Ask one “keyhole question” per conversation.
* Day 7: Reflect: Did they follow up? Mention details later?
CTA: Tag Your Most Memorable Friend
* Clap if you’ve ever forgotten someone’s name 10 seconds after meeting them.
* Comment your go-to icebreaker — or try the formula and report back!
* Follow for part 2: How to Turn Acquaintances Into Advocates.
Final Note:
Being unforgettable isn’t about being the loudest in the room. It’s about making others feel like the only person in the room.
Now go try it. Worst case? You’ll be remembered as “that surprisingly cool human.”
本文於 修改第 4 次
|
|
|
本城市首頁
看回應文章
等級：8
