人際關係篇--開欄文：討人喜的5秒鐘聊天撇步-Alessia Fransisca - 時事論壇

		時事論壇
		市長：胡卜凱　副市長：
		加入本城市｜推薦本城市｜加入我的最愛｜訂閱最新文章

udn／城市／政治社會／政治時事／【時事論壇】城市／討論區／

你還沒有登入喔( 馬上登入/ 加入會員)

本城市首頁

討論區

精華區

投票區

影像館

推薦連結

公告區

訪客簿

市政中心 (2)


討論區／生活面面觀	字體：小中大

看回應文章

人際關係篇--開欄文：討人喜的5秒鐘聊天撇步-Alessia Fransisca
瀏覽3,528｜回應33｜推薦1


	胡卜凱等級：8 留言｜加入好友

	文章推薦人 (1)
	胡卜凱

這篇文章的體裁近於「程序書」：它一步一步的教人「怎麼溝通」；讀起來會有一些吃力，看官自己需要下點融會貫通的功夫。在現代社會中，跟周遭的人建立一個和諧、互信的連結(良好關係)，會是一個挺有幫助的生存技能。下文做了原則性的提示；相信本城市的訪客都有舉一反三的能力。

這篇文章可以跟《改變個性的步驟》一文參照；後者也提到：「內向型個性」和「排隊等候情境」。

The 5-Second Conversation Hack That Makes People Instantly Like You

A Social Psychologist’s Secret to Effortless Connection

Alessia Fransisca, 02/10/25

“Anchor Their Emotions” in 5 Seconds

What It Is:

Use a micro-observation + light vulnerability to spark instant rapport.

Why It Works:

1) Dale Carnegie Principle: People crave feeling interesting, not impressed.
2) Neuroscience: Vulnerability triggers oxytocin (the “bonding hormone”) in both parties.
3) Speed: First impressions form in 7 seconds — this hack front-loads connection.

Formula (公式):

“[Specific observation about them/context] + [Playful self-disclosure]”

Real-Life Examples

1. At a Work Event

Them (對方): Standing alone, checking their phone.
You: “I’ve been staring at the snack table for 10 minutes — debating if pineapple belongs on pizza. What’s your controversial food take?”

Why it works:

Observation: Notices their isolation (without judgment).
Vulnerability: Admits awkwardness.
Invites play: Sparks a low-stakes debate.

2. On a First Date

Them: Wearing a band T-shirt. (印有某個樂團標誌的圓領衫)
You: “I see your [band name] shirt — I saw them live once and cried during the ballad. No shame.”

Why it works:

* Shows attention: Proves you noticed details.
* Shared humanity (人性): Embarrassing stories = instant relatability.

3. With a Stranger

Them: Waiting in line, sighing impatiently.
You: “If this line takes longer, I might start singing show tunes. Fair warning.”

Why it works:

* Mirrors (反映) their emotion (frustration) → validation (肯定對方情緒).
* Humor disarms (減低對方戒心): Signals you’re safe to engage with.

The Science of Speed-Connection

* The “Halo Effect”: A positive first impression makes people overlook later flaws.
* Nonverbal Syncing (同步互動) : Matching their tone/energy in 5 seconds builds subconscious trust.
* The 55–38–7 Rule: 55% of likability comes from body language, 38% from tone, and 7% from words. (1)

Pro Tip: Pair your verbal hack with:

* Open posture (uncrossed arms) (開放式體態)
* Warm vocal tone (slightly lower pitch) (低音)
* Micro-smile (eyes crinkle, not just lips) (嘴角之外，眼角也在微笑)

When to Use It (and When to Avoid)

Best For:

* Networking events, dates, and meetings with strangers.
* Breaking tension in awkward silences.

Avoid (注意「情境」的適用性):

* Crises (e.g., someone’s upset).
* Formal settings require strict professionalism.

Your 24-Hr Challenge (知行合一)

1) Pick 3 interactions today (barista, coworker, friend).
2) Use the formula (以上第1節中的「公式」): Observation + light vulnerability.
3) Note their reaction: Did they smile longer? Engage more? (觀察對方的反應)

“But I’m introverted!” (如果你的個性是內向型) → Start with low-risk people (e.g., grocery cashier: “I’ve bought so much ice cream, you’re my witness now.”). (超商或超市員工通常比較友善，至少不會很嚴肅或排斥)

CTA (請回饋/請幫忙): Tag Your Socially Savvy Friend

*  Clap (點讚) if you’ve ever blanked during small talk (we’ve all been there).
*  Comment your go-to icebreaker — or try the hack and report back!
*  Follow for part 2: How to Turn “Nice to Meet You” into “Let’s Collaborate.” (把「很高興認識你」轉化成：「咱倆一起幹」)

附註：

1. 我在職場學到一個很重要的溝通原則：你「怎麼說」遠比：你「說些什麼」重要得多。

Want to support：Join my Patreon
Want My Book：Shop NOW

相關資訊：

Relationships
Communication Skills
Social Psychology
Networking
Emotional Intelligence

本文於修改第 11 次

引用網址：https://city.udn.com/forum/trackback.jsp?no=2976&aid=7248223

　回應文章

第頁／共4頁

職場潛規則 -- R. Karan
	推薦1


	胡卜凱等級：8 留言｜加入好友

	文章推薦人 (1)
	胡卜凱

我試譯了以下幾個節骨眼上的字、詞，幫助不太熟悉英文中某些「用法」的朋友；請指正。

The 8 Unspoken Corporate Rules Nobody Told You (But Everyone Secretly Follows)

You join your first job — starry-eyed, full of dreams, and ready to “make a difference.”

Rasathurai Karan, 05/31/25

You’re working hard, meeting deadlines, being the model employee. But wait…

No recognition.
No promotion.
And someone who joined yesterday, doing half your work, just zoomed past you in the corporate ladder.

Excuse me? Did I miss a memo? Is there a secret playbook I didn’t get?

Welcome to the jungle, my friend. And in this jungle, survival isn’t about working harder — it’s about knowing the unspoken rules. The rules they never print in your onboarding manual but the office veterans swear by.

So today, as your unofficial Fresher Coach, I present:

The 8 Most Underrated, Unspoken (and Slightly Controversial) Corporate Rules That Will Decide Your Career

1. Never Outshine Your Boss

Oh, you have ideas? You’re proactive? You’re brilliant?

Sit down, Sherlock.

Corporate isn’t a talent show. It’s a power game. If your boss feels threatened, congratulations — you’ve just earned a one-way ticket to career stagnation.

Smart Move: Bring ideas, yes. But frame them like,

“Me and the team (including my amazing boss) were discussing this…”

Let your boss bask in the glow — they’ll remember who lit the candle.

2. Praise Publicly, Criticize Privately

Heard someone call out their manager during a meeting?

Yeah… they don’t work here anymore.

Look, we all get frustrated. But public humiliation (當眾下不了台) makes you enemies, not allies.

Instead of saying:

“This idea is garbage.”

Try:

“Interesting approach — perhaps we could refine it further later?”

Office diplomacy = Career acceleration.

3. Relationships > Skills (Sorry, Not Sorry)

You could be a code ninja, design wizard, or data god — but if nobody knows you, you don’t exist.

Corporate is:

* 50% skills
* 50% connections
* 100% politics (sometimes) (此處politics一字應理解為：「與人相處」，而非「勾心鬥角」)

Talk to people. Learn their hobbies. Ask how their weekend was.

Build genuine relationships.

And most importantly? Find a mentor. Someone who can open doors you didn’t even know existed.

4. Be a Problem-Solver, Not a Complainer

Everyone can scream “this sucks.”

Few come with a fix.

If you’re the guy who only complains, you’re replaceable.
If you’re the one with solutions, you’re irreplaceable.

Example:

“This process is slow” ❌
“I found a tool that can speed this up by 30%. Shall we try it?” ✅

5. Never Say “That’s Not My Job”

If you’re too busy drawing boundaries, don’t be shocked when growth doesn’t knock on your door.

The ones who say “I’ll help” — even when it’s not their job — are the ones who move ahead.

Small initiatives (自告奮勇、陣前請纓) = Big promotions.

6. Your Office BFF Is Not Your Therapist (心理醫生)

Ah, you found a work bestie? Cute.

But the moment you overshare — your salary, your side hustle, your late-night therapy — you’ve loaded the gossip cannon yourself.

What you said in confidence (「私下」或「心裏話」；非「自信」) today becomes the office meme tomorrow.

So repeat after me:

“Office is not my diary.”

7. Emails Are Forever. Be Careful.

Ever typed: “As per my last email…” with blood boiling?

Pause. Breathe.

Emails are your permanent record. No emojis. No passive-aggression. No sarcasm.

Keep it factual:

❌ “You never sent the file.”
✅ “I haven’t received the file yet. Can you share it by EOD (end of the day = 「今天下班前」)?”

Your tone can either build your brand or break it. (切記：「你怎麼說」遠比「你說些什麼」重要一百倍)

8. Always Be Ready to Prove Your Worth

You’re only as good as your last win.

Corporate doesn’t care if you were employee of the month last year — what did you deliver this quarter?

Keep a “Wins Folder”:

Track every achievement. Quantify it. Own it.

And don’t be shy to share it. If you don’t highlight your work, no one else will.

Final Truth Bomb

Working hard is cute.
But working smart? That’s what gets you promoted.

The people who rise fast? They don’t just follow instructions — they follow unwritten instructions. Now that you know them, don’t just survive corporate life. Dominate it.

So tell me

Which of these did you learn the hard way? Which one surprised you the most?

Let’s have a brutally honest comment section — because someone out there needs to hear this too.

* If this post hit home, clap a few times
* Share it with your “new to corporate” buddy
* And follow me for more hard truths and survival hacks about work life

Written by Rasathurai Karan

Java Enthusiast & Software Engineer at GTN Tech, https://www.linkedin.com/in/karan1999/

Portfolio https://karanrasathurai-portfolio.vercel.app/ Sri Lanka

Published in Write A Catalyst

Write A Catalyst and Build it into Existence.

本文於修改第 4 次

引用網址：https://city.udn.com/forum/trackback.jsp?no=2976&aid=7280467

如何讓人敬畏 -- UnblendX
	推薦1


	胡卜凱等級：8 留言｜加入好友

	文章推薦人 (1)
	胡卜凱

9 Rules to Become Dangerous!

Do you want to be truly formidable?

UnblendX, 02/27/25

Being dangerous isn’t about causing harm. It’s about commanding respect, moving with purpose and becoming the kind of person who can’t be ignored.

True power isn’t about being the loudest, the strongest or the most aggressive. It’s about control… over yourself, your actions and the way the world responds to you.

The world respects those who command it and if you want to be someone others take seriously, these 9 rules will set you apart:

1. Never Answer Immediately

Quick responses can make you look impulsive or desperate to please. Pause before you speak.

A moment of silence makes you seem more thoughtful and keeps people hanging on your words. The right pause can shift the power in any conversation.

Silence is a weapon. Most people blurt out responses to fill awkward gaps, but those gaps are where real power lies.

When someone asks you a question, pause. Think. Make them wait. A well-timed pause makes people lean in, respect your words and sometimes, fear them.

2. Walk Slowly

Your movement speaks before you do. A person who rushes appears nervous or uncertain.

There’s nothing threatening about someone who rushes everywhere like their clothes are on fire.

Walk deliberately. Own the space you occupy. Most people are in a rush — to succeed, to respond, to prove themselves. Don’t be like them.

You’ll find that people naturally step aside for you, not because you force them to, but because they recognize your presence.

The next time you enter a room, take your time. Make them feel your presence before you even say a word.

3. Don’t Talk Too Much

People reveal their weaknesses by talking too much. The more you say, the more ammunition you give others.

Every time you speak, you reveal something about yourself. The less you say, the more you control the conversation. Speak less, observe more, listen with intent and use what you learn to your advantage.

Say only what needs to be said and leave them guessing about the rest. Mystery breeds respect.

4. Learn to Control Your Feelings

Emotional outbursts are a sign of weakness. Strength is in composure. If you let others dictate your emotions, they control you.

Instead, master your inner world. Stay calm under pressure and you’ll always have the upper hand.

The second someone knows how to push your buttons, you’ve lost. True strength is having a storm inside you but showing nothing on the surface.

When someone tries to provoke you, don’t take the bait. Breathe. Think. Then respond in a way that serves your interests, not theirs.

5. Carry Yourself Like You Belong

Confidence is about conviction. Even if you’re out of your depth, act like you belong. Walk, talk and move with certainty.

The world takes cues from how you see yourself — so own your space.

6. Become Unpredictable

Predictability is a weakness. If people can guess your next move, they can control you. Keep them on their toes. Change your routines, switch up your approach and never let anyone get too comfortable

Loose lips sink ships. If people know what you’re planning, they can interfere.

Silence keeps you unpredictable and unpredictability is power. Work in the shadows, then strike when they least expect it.

7. Have a Mind of Your Own

Advice is everywhere and most of it is garbage. Listen but filter. Trust your gut over the noise.

Too many voices can cloud your judgment and dilute your vision. The most dangerous people trust their own instincts above all.

Everyone will have an opinion on what you should do but they don’t have to live with the consequences, you do.

8. Have a Warrior’s Mindset

Physical and mental toughness go hand in hand. Learn to fight not because you want violence but because knowing you can handle yourself changes the way you carry yourself.

Train your body, sharpen your mind and be prepared for whatever life throws at you.

Train hard. Eat well. A strong body makes for a strong mind.

A warrior’s mindset makes you unshakable in the face of adversity.

9. Set Boundaries and Enforce Them

Being too agreeable makes you easy to manipulate. Say no when you mean it. Protect your time, energy and space.

A dangerous person isn’t afraid to walk away from people or situations that don’t serve them.

Sometimes the most powerful move is to disengage. When you know your worth, you don’t chase approval, force relationships or beg for respect.

If a situation isn’t serving you, walk away. Nothing unsettles people more than someone who refuses to be controlled.

“If this article added value to your life, plz buy me a Coffee” @ https://ko-fi.com/unblendx to support dangerously good ideas. It’s cheaper than therapy and way more fun…

Written by UnblendX

I'm only responsible for what I said not how you understood it. Here to create room for uncomfortable conversations &---- from a traditional woman's perspective

本文於修改第 1 次

引用網址：https://city.udn.com/forum/trackback.jsp?no=2976&aid=7278070

別做這5種傷人感情的行為 –- Victor Moon
	推薦2


	胡卜凱等級：8 留言｜加入好友

	文章推薦人 (2)
	亓官先生胡卜凱

5 Things That Hurt Others You Probably Overlook (And How to Avoid It)

Subtle behaviors that cause others pain more than you realize.

Victor Mong, 01/29/25

Most people don’t hurt others on purpose. They just don’t realize the emotional impact of their actions

It’s easy to think that as long as we’re not openly rude or confrontational, we’re not causing harm. But emotional pain isn’t always the result of direct conflict.

Often, it’s the small, seemingly harmless behaviors that leave others feeling ignored, disrespected, or unimportant.

Here are five common behaviors that unintentionally hurt people and what you can do to avoid them.

Changing the Topic When a Conversation Get Heavy

There are two ways people change the topic in conversations, and both can hurt others.

The first is when someone changes the topic to avoid dealing with another person’s emotions.

For example, if a friend opens up about feeling hurt or overlooked, instead of listening and understanding what you’re doing that makes them feel this way, you steer the conversation away.

You might crack a joke or make a casual comment to lighten the mood, but this dismisses their feelings and makes them feel unheard and unimportant.

Over time, this behavior sends the message that their emotions don’t matter, which can damage your relationship.

The second is when someone avoids talking about their own mistakes or flaws.

For example, if someone explains how your actions hurt them, instead of taking responsibility, you change the subject or focus on their behavior instead.

This might protect your ego in the moment, but it causes deeper harm. It shows the other person that their pain doesn’t matter to you, making it harder for them to trust or feel close to you.

Avoiding tough conversations doesn’t solve problems. It creates resentment and weakens relationships.

How to avoid it

When someone shares their feelings, don’t change the subject. Pause, listen, and say, “I hear you—let’s talk about this.”

If the conversation is about your behavior, admit your discomfort and say, “This is hard, but I want to understand.”

Taking responsibility and being honest is the best way to keep your relationships strong.

Being Unavailable When It Really Counts

Not being there when someone needs you most can leave a wound that doesn’t heal easily.

Yes, life is busy. We all have work, side hustles, hobbies, and endless responsibilities.

But nothing hurt so much more than needing someone, whether in a moment of crisis or celebration, and realizing they’re nowhere to be found.

This isn’t about solving their problems. It’s about showing up, even in small ways, when it counts.

Think about a friend going through a tough breakup or a family member celebrating a huge achievement, like a graduation.

They reached out, hoping you’d be there. But you were caught up in work or distracted by something that, in hindsight, wasn’t nearly as important.

You didn’t mean to hurt them, but your absence spoke louder than words.

When people turn to you in their hardest or happiest moments, they’re looking for connection.

If you’re constantly unavailable—physically or emotionally—it can feel like rejection. It tells them their big moments, good or bad, don’t matter to you.

Over time, they stop reaching out, and the relationship fades.

How to avoid it

Life is busy, but when someone needs you, pause and give them your attention.

If you can’t be there physically, send a message, make a quick call, or check in later. Even small efforts can mean the world.

Showing up in someone’s most important moments proves they matter to you. And that’s what keeps relationships strong.

Taking People’s Time and Energy for Granted

Time and energy are two of the most valuable things people can give you but it’s easy to take them for granted.

This one flies under the radar so often because it’s not about what you say or do—it’s about what you expect from others.

We all have people in our lives who are always there for us. People who support us and show up when we need them. Over time, it becomes easy to take that support for granted.

We assume they’ll always be there. We lean on them without checking in on how they’re doing. We ask for favors or emotional support without recognizing how much energy it takes for them to be there for us.

When someone feels like their time, energy, or emotional labor is being taken for granted, it creates resentment.

They start to feel like they’re being used, like they’re putting in all the effort without getting anything in return. Before you know it, that resentment can destroy even the strongest relationships.

People have their own struggles, responsibilities, and limits. Just because someone has been there for you doesn’t mean they always can or should be.

How to avoid it

Respect people’s time and energy as much as you want yours to be respected.

Before asking for a favor or emotional support, consider if they have the capacity to give it.

Show gratitude, say thank you, return the kindness, and recognize their efforts.

If you’re not returning the energy you receive, they’ll pull away, not because they don’t care, but because they’re exhausted from always giving without receiving.

Ask how they’re doing, and be there for them as much as they’re there for you.

Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect, not one-sided expectations.

Minimizing Someone’s Feelings Because You See Things Differently

Just because you don’t feel the same way about something doesn’t mean someone else’s emotions aren’t real.

Yet, it’s easy to brush off other people’s feelings when you don’t understand them.

You say things like, “It’s not a big deal,” “You’re overreacting,” or “That wouldn’t bother me.” You think you’re helping them to see the bigger picture, but what you see as a small issue could feel huge to them.

But what you’re doing is invalidating their experience.

When you minimize someone’s feelings, you send the message that their emotions are invalid or exaggerated.

This can make them feel alone, misunderstood, or even ashamed for expressing themselves.

Over time, they may stop opening up to you because of fear of being judged, invalidated, or dismissed.

People experience life through different lenses. What seems insignificant to you can be deeply painful to someone else.

Instead of dismissing their emotions and making them feel as if they’re wrong for feeling the way they do (which leads to shame and frustration), try to understand them.

You don’t have to agree, but you can acknowledge how they feel.

How to avoid It

When someone shares their feelings, listen without judgment.

Rather than minimizing what they feel, say, “I can see this is really important to you,” or “I may not fully understand, but I’m here for you.”

Validating emotions build trust and strengthens your relationship, even when you see things from different lenses.

Making Jokes at Someone Else’s Expense

Humor is a double-edged sword. It brings people together, lightens the mood, and makes life more enjoyable. But if you’re not careful, it can also cut deep.

A joke should make people laugh, not make them feel small.

Some people like to make jokes at someone else’s expense: mocking their appearance, intelligence, or personal struggles. It can seem harmless, but what’s funny to you could be painful to them.

You might think, “I didn’t mean it that way,” or “They know I’m joking,” but repeated jokes that belittles someone can erode their confidence and make them feel insecure and embarrassed.

Just because someone smiles or laughs doesn’t mean they’re not hurting on the inside.

For example, you poke fun at a colleague’s weight, or you tease your partner about a mistake they made in front of others. It’s all in good fun until it’s not.

What if that joke hits a sensitive spot? What if it’s something they’ve struggled with for years?

Humor can hide a lot of pain and when you make someone the butt of the joke, even unintentionally, it can leave lasting scar.

Before you make a joke, especially about someone else, ask yourself: “Is this something I’d want someone to joke about if it were me?” If your answer is no, keep your mouth shut.

Pay attention to how people react.

If someone seems uncomfortable, apologize and stop.

Choose humor that uplifts, not humor that humiliates. True wit doesn’t need a victim; it shines on its own.

Final Thoughts

Words and actions, even when unintentional, have the power to lift people up or tear them down.

Often, we don’t realize the impact or how what we say or do hurt others until it’s too late.

Small moments like dismissing someone’s feelings, avoiding tough conversations, or making careless jokes not only hurt others, they also ruin relationships.

Healthy relationships are built on understanding how your actions affect others, no matter how small.

Written by Victor Mong

I write about human potential, building a life you want & mastering your mind || info.victormong@gmail.com

本文於修改第 2 次

引用網址：https://city.udn.com/forum/trackback.jsp?no=2976&aid=7276787

再來5個溝通技巧-Singh Bhai
	推薦1


	胡卜凱等級：8 留言｜加入好友

	文章推薦人 (1)
	胡卜凱

請參見本欄的開欄文和2025/07/11貼文。

5 Communication Tricks That Make You Sound 10x More Persuasive

Say the Right Words at the Right Time to Influence Others

Singh Bhai,

Link for non-medium members

Most people have no idea how easy it is to sound twice as smart with half the effort.

I’m about to show you 5 communication tricks that instantly make people lean in, trust you more, and agree with you without knowing why.

Even if you’re terrible at small talk and socializing.

1. Say the Thing They’ve Never Heard Out Loud, but Instantly Recognize as True

This is so obvious that no one has ever said it.

No one scrolls past for genius. They scroll past for recognition. Something in their chest straightens up.

Like,

* “It’s strange how people will take two hours watching videos on time management rather than just beginning the thing.”
* People want clarity.
* When something feels familiar, people tend to like that.

When you name a feeling or thought clearly, you give people something solid to hold onto. That maybe why your 1/10th blog post finally lands, because you said the thing we were all thinking but didn’t know how to say.

Have you noticed that many of my articles follow the same pattern?

2. People Listen Harder When They Feel Like You’re Saying Something They Were Already Almost Thinking

If you begin writing with “Here’s something you never thought of,” by the time they read the first point, you’ve lost half your readers already.

Most readers need a co-conspirator. Someone who leans in and says, “I was thinking about this, too…”

When readers feel like you’re close to what they were already circling, they trust you more.

* Nobody wants to be “taught”; they want to be affirmed.
* Readers respond better to a shared journey than a lecture.

Don’t try to bulldoze with hot takes. Nudge their memory.

Take this example from James Clear’s Atomic Habits, one of the most widely read nonfiction books in recent years. He doesn’t like to open with, “Here’s a revolutionary new way to change your life.”

He starts by saying:

“Changes that seem small and unimportant at first will compound into remarkable results if you’re willing to stick with them for years.”

That sounds familiar in some way, and it also mirrors their common wisdom, so now we trust him. Because he’s not trying to be smarter than us. He’s speaking with us.

3. Making Someone Feel Intelligent Makes Them More Likely to Consider Your Suggestions

You don’t win arguments by being intelligent. You win people over when they feel smart for agreeing with you.

Most people don’t like being told what to think. But they feel good when they figure something out by themselves, or feel like they did.

* People love completing thoughts.

The best way to explain something is to say just enough so the other person can figure out the rest by themselves.

Create small gaps they get to fill mentally. Psychologists call this the “IKEA Effect.”

If your reader gets up and says, “I always kind of knew that,” you’ve done your job.

Because people feel smart, they open their minds. They begin to treat your ideas as their own.

Which is precisely what you want. You’re just trying to help them remember what they already believe.

4. When your tone and words don’t match, people believe your tone more.

Let’s say your friend says, “No really, I’m fine,” but their face is like they might cry.

You believe the face. Not the sentence.

It happens in writing as well. Here’s how:

Let’s look at two examples:

When someone writes something on LinkedIn like,

“Happy to share I got a new job as Senior Synergy Growth Lead at xyz. So thankful and proud to join this amazing team,”

Now compare that to this one:

“I got laid off two months ago. It sucked. But I’m back on my feet and starting a new job next week. I’m nervous but excited. Thanks to everyone who helped me through it.”

This one feels real,

People remember how you made them feel. What you say + how you say it = what people remember.

If they don’t trust how you say it, they won’t care what you say.

5. People Are Drawn to Voices That Feel Like Home

People feel safe when things feel familiar. That’s why we like being around others who think or act like us.

Talk the way you talk. Write at the same speed your mind moves at.

* Write the way you talk.
* Use simple words.
* Be honest.
* Don’t try to sound fancy or super smart.
* Be the same person each time you write.

So if your voice leads them to believe they’ve sat down in front of you at a table and not in a lecture room, they’ll remain.

Wait a Sec

I share insights like this every 1–2/week — ones that actually change how you think in my newsletter (IntrovertsCorner). Join 3800+ readers.

Subscribe on Medium for more insights like this — be the first to know!

Thanks for stopping by.

Written by Singh Bhai

I break down psychology, behavior, decision-making, and mental habits with insights you can actually use.

Newsletter: https://theopenbook.substack.com/

Published in ThinkDraft

We share sharp, thoughtful writing on anything that makes you think deeper, feel clearer, or see differently. Topics (Psychology, Mindset, Money, Writing, Self Improvement and more)

本文於修改第 1 次

引用網址：https://city.udn.com/forum/trackback.jsp?no=2976&aid=7276635

當男人迷上他心動的女人 ---- Akinyele Olaoluwa
	推薦1


	胡卜凱等級：8 留言｜加入好友

	文章推薦人 (1)
	胡卜凱

7 Embarrassing Things Men Do When They Really Like a Woman

Akinyele Olaoluwa, 06/14/25

Who else has observed this?

Have you noticed that whenever you don’t really care about a woman, you’re relaxed, you crack nice jokes, you text nicely and calmly ?

The reason for this is…you’re not overthinking it. You’re just you.

Then…it’s usually reversed when you see someone who ticks the boxes more than usual.

If she’s beautiful, smart, warm and has an angelic voice and almost everything about her is alluring.

You start second-guessing, you start to fidget. Suddenly you’re not smooth as you thought you were, some men even stammer at this stage.

You start to behave strangely in a way even you yourself would laugh or make fun of if you see someone else behaving in such a way.

This is not because you’re needy or desperate, it’s just because the strong feeling of attraction has messed with your sense or balance. And it’s normal.

Unfortunately, this feeling can push you to behaviors that are likely to reduce your chances or the connection you’re trying to build.

Below are 7 (seven) embarrassing things men do, when they really like a woman. These behaviors are usually unnoticed that they kill attraction before you know it.

1. Confusing Emotional Intensity With Compatibility

You feel the strong spark, and you start to think she’s special, I have never felt this way before. You feel seen, heard and she’s suddenly your everything.

You’’re saying something like:

* “She’s the one, for me, I have never felt this way before”
* “There’s just something very different about her”
* “Nobody ever made me feel this way”

And because of the intensity, you start ignoring compatibilities, you’re too focused on the feeling. Maybe she has different values, she treats inconsistently, or doesn’t reciprocate your efforts. You overlook it because the feeling is strong.

Why This is Unattractive: Strong chemistry isn’t always about healthy connection. Women want men who’re not easily carried away with butterflies and ignore realities. Always evaluate relationships clearly, don’t be easily swept away.

2. Abandoning Your Routine To Fit Hers

Your life was on normal level before you met her, but since you met her, you put your goals on hold because of her. You delay pursuing your goals for late night convos with her.

You’re constantly tweaking and adjusting your schedule just to align with hers. Even if it’s not convenient. Just because you don’t want to miss the chance to connect with her.

Why It Backfires: Women find men who have a life beyond them attractive. And if you’re constantly shifting just to show her how much you want her, at the end of the day, it would do you more bad than good.

3. Prioritizing Connection Over Standards

She checks 80% of your boxes. But lacks 20% areas that matter. She makes you feel amazing when she’s present. But she’s flaky, she ghost for days and come back after days to reply to your messages.

So you keep investing, hoping one amazing moment will come and everything will just turn around. You’re ignorantly focusing on what “could be”, instead of what is. You’re afraid to start over and you don’t want to lose what “could be”

It’s obvious she’s not emotionally available, yet you keep lowering your standards to keep the connection going.

Why This Backfires: Respect and attraction will easily fade away when you sacrifice your core values. Even if the woman doesn’t say it, she knows you’re tolerating her behavior.

And Instead of this bringing her close to you, it will rather create a bigger gap between you, and reduce your chances.

4. Trying to Win Her Over Instead of Letting Her Choose You

This is one of the reasons men chase women. Although some dating experts have made it look like women are usually the one that make men chase them.

You’re all over her, doing things—planning thoughtful dates, giving surprise gifts, sending long romantic texts, constantly complimenting her, paying attention to her social media statuses, underneath of everything, your energy is saying..“pick me, please pick me”.

Why This Is Terrible: Women want to see you as the prize, they want you to be the mysterious one that they discover gradually. If you’re trying too hard to win her over, she will see no value in you and feel bored.

5. Getting Anxious When She Doesn’t Match Your Pace

You notice she’s short-texting you or she’s dry-texting you. You notice she’s taking time to reply to your messages. You’re not comfortable with this sudden change and start double-texting.

You go from calm to confused and you keep asking what you did wrong, or why she’s not matching your emotional energy or intensity. Your peace is now tied to her behavior.

This leaks into your tone, decisions or vibe. And you’re suddenly moody like “someone died”. Everything is written all over you, for all to see.

Why This Is Not Good: Sometimes women need time to be able to vibe along with you. Unfortunately if you’re showing too much anxiety you would be seen as desperate, immature and valueless. Desperation kills attraction.

6. Seeking Reassurance Instead of Taking the Lead

Having a strong feeling for a woman is not a bad thing, but instead of leading her on to the next phase of the connection, you’re constantly and subtly asking for validation or reassurance before you do so.

Stop hiding, this is usually you, trying to avoid being seen as a dictator, or you’re scared of coming on as too strong. You’re just trying to protect yourself from rejection or you’re scared of her rejecting your offer or suggestion.

Why not instead resort to suggestively leading the relationship forward, with clarity, precision and direction?. This always reflect when you resort to —soft tones, vague questions, “maybe” language, or unusual quietness.

Why This Is Not Good: Women are always attracted to men who know what they want and go for it with precision. And women want men that are bold and can confidently lead them. If she can’t see this quality in you, you would soon be forgotten.

7. Turning Vulnerability Into Emotional Dumping

You met a woman recently and you started telling her everything about you. Either she asks or she doesn’t.

You’re eager to tell her everything from your wonderful experience to your unpalatable ones—your traumas, your fears, your doubts and life goals and purpose.

You’re mistaking early openness to connection. But seriously, what you’re doing is emotionally testing her if she’ll stay or not or if she’ll like you or not.

Why This Is Terrible: If you’re making a woman your emotional dumping site, this is immature. And you’re telling her too much or too soon about you. She will know everything about you in a couple of days.

And afterwards she will find nothing interesting to discover, no mystery to uncover about you and end up seeing you as boring then discard you or see you as “just a friend”.

Conclusion

You can love fully and yet keep your frame. And you can be vulnerable without bleeding. You can fall in love deeply and still walk away if your standards are crossed.

There’s real sense in calmness and attraction. Real love doesn’t require you losing yourself just to gain a woman.

The more grounded and secure you’re in how you move, the more attractive you would be even when you’re fully invested.

Confidence isn't loud and real interest doesn't require desperation or begging to be noticeable; it's usually quiet, clear and sure of itself.

Written by Akinyele Olaoluwa

I write insightful pieces on dating and relationship, personal growth, human experience, life complexities, money and health.

Published in Write A Catalyst

Write A Catalyst and Build it into Existence.

本文於修改第 1 次

引用網址：https://city.udn.com/forum/trackback.jsp?no=2976&aid=7276446

讓人聆聽的溝通技巧 -- Victor Mong
	推薦1


	胡卜凱等級：8 留言｜加入好友

	文章推薦人 (1)
	胡卜凱

5 Communication Hacks You’ve Never Tried That Will Make People Listen

Forget charisma. This is how to actually get heard.

Victor Mong, 07/09/25

There’s a moment you’ve probably seen: when someone starts talking and everyone around them leans in. It might happen in a meeting, at a dinner party, or in a video of someone speaking on stage.

It’s not because they’re loud. It’s not their clothes or their job title. It’s because of something else most people never figure out.

We’re taught the basics of communication: “Make eye contact,” “Don’t interrupt,” “Use hand gestures.” But then we wonder why people still tune us out.

I’ve seen it too many times. Brilliant ideas fall flat because they’re delivered with no life. Talented people get passed over because they can’t put their value into words. And the quiet ones with real insights go unheard because they think communication is just about talking.

It’s not.

Real communication is about making people care — enough to stop daydreaming, stop thinking about what they’ll say next, and actually listen.

That’s not about performance. It’s about connection. And there are ways to create that connection that most people never learn.

Let’s talk about them.

1. Say the Thing Everyone Else is Afraid of Saying

Most people tiptoe around the elephant in the room. You know, the awkward truth. The unspoken tension. The thing everyone is thinking but no one wants to be the first to say.

But smart communicators don’t just acknowledge it; they start with it.

It’s called strategic honesty. You don’t say the uncomfortable thing to stir drama or provoke. You say it to clear the air — and the air always needs clearing.

I watched a video of a mid-level manager open a presentation like this:

“Before we start—yes, I know some of you think this project is a total waste of time. I used to think that too.”

Silence. Then, small nods. You could literally see people breathe. The energy shifted. Because he wasn’t selling fantasy; he was meeting people exactly where they were, then inviting them forward.

A friend of mine spoke to a startup team after 20% of them were laid off. She opened with:

“Look, no one wants to be here. This has been the worst week of my professional life. But I still believe we can build something meaningful, and I want to talk about how.”

It wasn’t spin. It was truth. That’s what people trust.

When you name the unspoken, you gain instant credibility. The person who’s brave enough to say what others won’t usually becomes the one others listen to and follow anywhere.

2. Let Silence Do the Heavy Lifting

Silence terrifies most people. In meetings, interviews, presentations, when the room goes quiet, panic sets in.

People rush to fill the air. They ramble, over-explain, repeat themselves, or toss in one last sentence just to escape the discomfort.

But that’s dead wrong. In reality, silence isn’t a threat. It’s a tool. One of the most underused tools in communication.

Used intentionally, silence communicates confidence. It signals that you trust your words enough to let them breathe. You don’t need noise to validate your point. You let it land, and then you let it sit. That pause? That’s where attention sharpens.

A few years ago, I watched a founder walk into a room to pitch her logistics startup to a table of sharp, skeptical investors. No elaborate slide deck. No buzzwords. Just clarity.

After outlining her 10 million naira ask, she said, calmly: “You might think that’s an aggressive number. I’d agree—if I didn’t know what this team is capable of.”

Then… nothing. Ten full seconds of silence. No filler. No defense. No slide transition. Just a calm stare around the room.

You could hear the air conditioner humming. One investor looked down, another scribbled something. The energy in the room changed. Respect replaced skepticism.

She wasn’t rushing to impress. She let silence do it for her.

That moment stuck with me. Because it wasn’t about being clever. It was more about being confident.

Silence slows the pace. It forces people to process. We’re taught to speak to be heard. But the pros pause to be felt.

When you pause after something meaningful, it gives your words gravity. Weight. It adds tension. And tension makes people lean in.

3. Interrupt Yourself at the Right Moment

Let me tell you something strange: one of the most effective ways to grab someone’s full attention is to stop talking right before the good part.

That’s right — cut yourself off.

Not because you forgot what you were saying. Not because you lost your place. But because you want people to pay attention. Because you’re pulling them forward by not giving them what they expect.

It’s the communication version of a cliffhanger.

Think of it like this. You’re mid-story:

“I was walking into the interview, nervous as hell, palms sweating…

Actually, hold on. Let me back up. You need to hear what happened that morning.”

You’ve just shifted direction. You’ve left a door half-open.

Now they need to follow you.

Why? Because the human brain is wired for completion. So now, they want the loop closed. You interrupted the arc, and now they’re chasing the ending.

This works because it feels real. It mimics the way we think and remember things, which is hardly in perfect, polished lines but in layers, loops, and flashbacks.

It’s how people talk when they’re not trying to impress you. It’s how people talk when something matters.

And that’s the magic: when you interrupt yourself with purpose, you sound human. Relatable and in control.

People don’t just listen to facts; they listen to flow. A well-timed self-interruption throws the rhythm off just enough to make people stop scrolling, stop zoning out, and start wanting more.

4. Use “Emotional Echoing” Instead of Validation

Let’s face it: most people respond to emotion with autopilot phrases.

“Yeah, I get it.”
“Totally understand.”
“That makes sense.”

These are fine. But they’re not memorable. They don’t hit.

These default replies are like emotional white noise. They show you’re listening, but not that you care deeply.

If you want someone to feel felt, you have to do better. That’s where emotional echoing comes in.

Instead of echoing their words, echo their feelings. Echo the emotion behind what they’re saying without repeating their words.

For example, let’s say a colleague is venting about being overlooked at work. They said something like, “I’ve been putting in extra hours, doing work outside my role, and I still got passed over for that promotion.”

Don’t say “Man, I hear you. That sucks.”

Instead, try something like: “That must feel like getting passed over even when you’re doing everything right.”

That’s not validation. That’s resonance.

You didn’t just nod. Now you’ve put language to their experience. You’ve given shape to their internal world.

That’s the difference.

The trick is to listen for the emotion underneath the words. Not just “stress,” but maybe rejection. Not just “frustration,” but maybe betrayal.

People don’t just want to be understood; they also want to be felt.

Echoing emotion is how you speak into someone’s actual life, not just their words.

Do that, and you stop being a participant in a conversation. You become the person they remember after it.

5. Use Anchoring Language From Their World, Not Yours

Here’s one of the biggest mistakes most people make: They speak in the language they live in, not the one the person they’re talking to understands.

It’s not arrogance. It’s habit.

The engineer talks in systems.
The designer talks in flow.
The founder talks in vision.
The lawyer talks in risk.

If you want people to listen and care, you’ve got to speak in their world, not yours.

This means using metaphors, phrases, and emotional cues that feel native to them.

Let’s say you’re a software engineer pitching an idea to the marketing team. You don’t say:

“Our backend infrastructure supports containerized microservices, which means higher scalability and resilience under load.”

That’s gibberish to half the room. You just lost them at backend.

Instead say: “Imagine if your email list could suddenly grow 10x and nothing breaks—that’s what this change makes possible. It’s like upgrading from a food truck to a full-blown restaurant kitchen.”

Now everyone’s with you. They’re nodding. Why? Because you’re using their reference points. Not yours.

This isn’t about dumbing things down. It’s about anchoring ideas to something familiar.

When you speak in metaphors pulled from your listeners world, their brain goes: “Oh—this is for me.” You’re not just delivering information now, you’re building bridges.

Human beings process what’s not familiar by linking it to what they already know.

Pay attention to how a person talks. What words do they repeat? What do they seem to care about?

Use their words first. Speak their language, and you remove friction. You lower defenses. You give your message a place to land. Then, introduce your ideas second.

Final Thought

You can do everything “right” and still get ignored. You can show up polished, prepared, and professional, and still fade into the background.

Why? Because most of what we’re taught about communication is about performing, not connecting.

These five skills may not be trendy but they work because they’re based on how people actually listen, feel, and respond.

Try one. Try them all. Test them in real conversations. But whatever you do, stop following the same old script. Stop speaking just to be heard.

Start speaking to be felt.

That’s when people really start to listen.

Written by Victor Mong

I write about human potential, building a life you want & mastering your mind || info.victormong@gmail.com

Personal Development

本文於修改第 1 次

引用網址：https://city.udn.com/forum/trackback.jsp?no=2976&aid=7276404

用10秒鐘觀察來了解女人性格 -- Mr. Jan
	推薦1


	胡卜凱等級：8 留言｜加入好友

	文章推薦人 (1)
	胡卜凱

Read Women’s Personality in 10 Seconds (Backed by Psychology)

The Hidden Science of Reading a Woman Like a Book (Without Being a Creep)

Mr. Jan, 04/29/25

People think women are impossible to read. Mysterious. Complex. Like emotional Rubik’s Cubes in heels.

But here’s the truth, most won’t say out loud:

You can tell a lot in the first 10 seconds.

And no, this isn’t about judging someone by their lipstick or hijab color. It’s not some fake alpha male trick either.

This is psychology. Mixed with a little bit of common sense. And for those who care, even Islam has something to say about it. Let’s break it down.

1. How She Talks About Other Women Is How She Sees Herself

Listen carefully when she talks about other women — it’s not just small talk; it’s a window straight into her soul.

* Talks with envy? She’s running an invisible competition in her head — and guess what? It’s a race nobody else even knows is happening.
* Talks with admiration? She’s standing on solid ground inside herself. Real queens fix each other’s crowns — they don’t knock them off.
* Talks with harshness — tearing down someone’s outfit, their success, their body? That’s not brutal honesty. That’s emotional projection wearing a “Just Being Real” T-shirt.

Science backs this up:

Psychologists call it projection and social comparison theory. When someone constantly criticizes others, it’s often a way to manage their own insecurity or temporarily inflate their self-esteem. It’s often because they feel insecure inside. It’s like trying to build a taller house by tearing down the neighbor’s.

Logic backs it up, too:

If your inner world is full of peace, you won’t need to throw verbal grenades at every passerby. Happy people aren’t busy hating — they’re too busy living.

Islam nails it beautifully:

The Prophet Muhammad said: “The believer is a mirror to his brother (or sister).” (Abu Dawood 4918)

Meaning: what you see — and especially what you say — about others often reflects what’s swirling inside you.

And let’s be honest: If she’s smashing every mirror she sees, it’s not because the mirrors are broken. It’s because she’s not ready for a reflection check.

2. Her Phone Habits Speak Louder Than Her Words

Want to know where her mind really is? Forget what she’s saying — watch her thumbs.

* Checks her phone mid-sentence? Big red flag. It’s usually not about you — it shows scattered attention. Her brain’s juggling conversations like a circus clown, and spoiler alert: you’re not the main act.
* Keeps her phone down, face down, fully present? Major respect. She’s actually here, not halfway scrolling into another universe.
* Replies to texts while you’re talking, or randomly laughs at her notifications? She’s living in two realities at once — and you’ll eventually have to pick which version of her you want to deal with. (Hint: It’s exhausting.)

Science explains this, too:

Research shows that task-switching (a fancy word for “multitasking”) massively drops cognitive performance. Your brain isn’t designed to pay deep attention to two things at once — it just gets worse at both.

In fact, Stanford studies found that chronic multitaskers perform worse even when focusing on a single task!

Logic backs it up:

If someone can’t give you 5 minutes of focused attention, imagine what a lifetime of conversations would feel like. (Kind of like trying to have a heart-to-heart with someone while they’re skydiving.)

Islam hits it perfectly too:

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

“From the excellence of a person’s Islam is leaving what does not concern him.” (Tirmidhi 2317)

Translation: If it’s not your business right now, drop it. And yes — that includes the 45th Instagram notification about someone’s cat doing yoga.

3. Her Posture Says Everything — No Words Needed

If you want to know what she’s really feeling — stop listening and start observing. The way she stands tells you more about her than any perfectly curated Instagram bio ever could.

* Chin up, shoulders back, calm gaze? That’s confidence in its purest form. She’s not trying to be the center of attention — she’s simply trusting herself to be enough.
* Fidgeting, crossed arms, darting eyes? Uh-oh. That’s usually a sign of anxiety, discomfort, or just not wanting to be here. If her arms are closed like she’s trying to keep her thoughts in a mental lockbox, she might be emotionally guarding herself.
* Leaning in, slightly tilting her head, relaxed arms? She’s open to connect. Not flirting — just genuinely present and engaged. It’s like she’s saying, “I’m here for this moment.” No ulterior motives, just a clear sign that her focus is on you — or at least on this conversation.

Psychology confirms it:

Body language is processed faster by our brains than spoken words. In fact, research shows that non-verbal communication makes up about 60–70% of how we convey messages. So, if she’s saying one thing but her body is saying another, believe the body.

Logic backs it up:

Think about it — how many times have you tried to hide how nervous you were, but your body gave it away with that awkward shuffle or a sweaty palm? We can fake our words, but our bodies tell the truth. That’s why posture is so powerful — it’s the body’s cheat code to authenticity.

Islamic wisdom adds its voice:

The Prophet Muhammad said:

“Modesty (ḥayā’) is part of faith.” (Sahih Bukhari)

Modesty isn’t just about how we dress or speak; it’s also about how we carry ourselves. The Prophet showed us that true modesty shines through before a word is even spoken. It’s a silent expression of inner peace, not an external show.

4. The First Thing She Notices About You Is Her Personality Test

You compliment her shoes. She blushes, says thanks, then compliments yours?

Empathetic. Attuned. Maybe a people-pleaser.

You say something funny. She doesn’t laugh, just nods? Either very guarded — or not into you.

She comments on your energy, not your outfit? That’s depth. She’s scanning beneath the surface.

Most people don’t realize this: what you notice in others reveals what matters to you. Every time.

5. The Way She Treats Children and the Elderly? That’s the Unfiltered Soul

Does she smile at kids? Help a confused aunty find directions? Offer her seat?
That’s instinct, not performance.

The Prophet used to stand when Fatimah (RA) entered the room. That’s how much respect women deserve — and how much respect they should give.

If a woman’s kind only to people her age, but dismisses the young or elderly — take note.

6. What She Complains About Is Basically Her Inner Diary on Loudspeaker

When someone says, “Ugh, people are so fake!” — newsflash: that’s often a mirror, not a microscope.

When she says, “Why are girls always so dramatic?” — odds are, there’s an inner soap opera playing on Channel Me, Myself, and I.

When you hear, “I hate when people judge me,” — chances are, she’s either been judged harshly… or is running her own internal court 24/7.

Logically, if someone’s lens is cracked, everything they look at will seem broken. Complaints reveal what’s inside, not what’s outside.

Islam beautifully addresses it:

The Prophet Muhammad said:

“A believer is a mirror to another believer.” (Abu Dawood 4918)

Meaning: When you look at others, you’re often looking at a reflection of your own state. If all you can see are flaws, it might be time to check the mirror, not the scenery.

If you meet five “toxic” people before lunch… You might not be in a cafeteria. You might be walking around with a “Toxic Radar” glued to your forehead.

7. She Talks About “Goals” — But Are They Real or Instagram?

Says: “I just want to be a boss babe.” Cool. But what does that mean?

Says: “I want to memorize Qur’an, start a business, and still have time for myself.” Okay. That’s real.

Watch for depth. Surface-level ambition is trendy. But real goals reflect inner clarity.

Ask what she’s working on — and listen to what she doesn’t say.

8. How She Ends a Conversation Shows Her Whole Vibe

Just trails off, phone out, distracted? That’s her baseline. Leaves with a smile, eye contact, says “It was good talking to you”? That’s social grace.

Says something thoughtful, like “Hope your day goes well” or references something you said? She’s emotionally intelligent.

Endings matter. They’re echoes of personality.

Bottom Line

You don’t need to date someone for 5 years to know who they are. You don’t need to stalk their social media either.

Give it ten seconds.

Watch the way she walks in, how she listens, how she laughs. Watch how she treats others, how she exits.

That’s the real her. No filter. No captions. No overthinking.

Now that you know what to look for… you’ll never unsee it again.

本文於修改第 1 次

引用網址：https://city.udn.com/forum/trackback.jsp?no=2976&aid=7275551

改掉這15種惹女人厭的行為 -- Shara Amore
	推薦1


	胡卜凱等級：8 留言｜加入好友

	文章推薦人 (1)
	胡卜凱

Remove These 15 Things From Yourself—If You Want Every Girl to Love You

You want to know what really makes a woman fall for a man?

Shara Amore, 04/05/25

It’s not the abs. Not the car. Not even the bank balance (though let’s be real—it doesn’t hurt).

It’s the subtle things.
The things he doesn’t say.
The things he’s unlearning.
The weight he’s no longer carrying.

I’ve been married for three years now. And while I could list a hundred reasons I fell in love with my husband, most of them are rooted in the things he removed from his life—things that most men still carry without even realizing it.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

Remove these 15 things, and most women won’t just like you… they’ll respect you, desire you, and trust you.

1. The Need to Be Right All the Time

Nothing’s sexier than a man who can say, “You’re right.”
My husband taught me that.
It doesn’t make him weak. It makes him wise.

2. Toxic Masculinity (有害的剛強)

Crying? Allowed.
Therapy? Encouraged.
Vulnerability? A strength.

He dismantled everything the world told him a “real man” should be. And that’s when I saw the real man.

3. Passive Aggressiveness

He doesn’t sulk (生暗氣).
He communicates.
Direct. Honest. Calm.
Trust me—clarity is very attractive.

4. The “Nice Guy” Syndrome

He’s kind, not performative (嘴把式、表面工夫).
He doesn’t expect intimacy as a reward for good behavior.

5. Obsessive Validation-Seeking

He doesn’t post selfies for likes.
He doesn’t need attention from every woman to feel worthy.

His self-worth isn’t outsourced.

6. The Fear of Being Alone

He was whole before me.
He didn’t need me.
He chose me.
There’s a big difference.

7. The ‘All Women Are Crazy’ Mindset

No woman wants to be your next “crazy ex.”
Ditch the narrative. Heal the wound.

8. Comparison to Other Men

He doesn’t try to be better than anyone.
He tries to be better than who he was yesterday.

And that’s powerful.

9. Judging Women for Their Past

He knows I had a life before him.
And he respects it—not weaponizes it.

10. The “Fix Her” Mentality

He’s not trying to fix me.
He’s just holding space while I grow.

That’s love.

11. Control Issues

He’s not obsessed with where I am, who I’m with, or what I wear.
Because he trusts me.
And because he trusts himself.

12. Performing Intelligence

He doesn’t mansplain (自以為萬事通).
He listens.
And when he speaks, it’s thoughtful—not performative.

13. Emotional Avoidance

If something’s wrong, he talks about it.
If something hurts, he doesn’t bottle it up.

That’s real emotional strength.

14. Ego Battles

He doesn’t compete with me.
He grows with me.

15. Faking a Persona Online

He’s not trying to be someone else on Instagram.

He’s the same offline as he is online.
Authenticity is rare—and rare is irresistible.

The truth?

Falling in love with him was easy.
Because he wasn’t performing (弄虛作假).
He had simply done the internal cleaning most men avoid.

And once he let go of all that heavy stuff, there was room for something lighter.
Something softer.
Something real.

Love.

Written by Shara Amore

I am a Professional blogger and pinterest Marketer sharing my relationship and my journey of life - Shara Amore | My Website: https://www.greatlifeforyou.com/

Published in ILLUMINATION

We curate & disseminate outstanding stories from diverse domains to create synergy. Inquiries: https://digitalmehmet.com/ Subscribe to our content marketing strategy: https://drmehmetyildiz.substack.com/

本文於修改第 1 次

引用網址：https://city.udn.com/forum/trackback.jsp?no=2976&aid=7267635

從9件小事看出一個人的性格 - Jane Francis
	推薦1


	胡卜凱等級：8 留言｜加入好友

	文章推薦人 (1)
	胡卜凱

下文可稱流暢易懂；沒有使用本欄2025/06/24一文中我所批評的筆觸。請與本欄上一篇合看。

These 9 Little Things Tells You a Lot About Someone's Personality.

Jane Francis, 05/03/25

When you carefully observe some people's habits, you will get to know a lot about them. Because habits or traits are what steer people clear of each other.

Let’s take, for instance, people who speak so loudly or people who like ending every answer with a question when asked about something.

Now, let’s look at some of these 9 things people do that will tell you a lot about them.

1. Observe how they treat their parents.

Some people don't respect their parents. If you come across that scene where they talk to their parents with disrespect, you will feel embarrassed.

This behavior equally says a lot about their parents too. Because we might not know their family background or why and how this attitude started. We won't also argue the fact that treating or talking to your parent with disrespect is not an acceptable behavior in society.

Well! everything is upbringing. How the parent-to-child relationship has evolved matters a lot because a lion can not give birth to a goat.

2. Their behavior changes when they're around a certain person.

They choose certain people to socialize with. For instance, people who like big personalities or celebrities. But one thing they fail to realize is that you won't slap a celebrity at the back when they win an award just the same way you can slap your soccer club member at the back when they score a goal.

3. The way they speak to others.

Do they gossip about others? This is a bad quality someone can possess. Anyone who can speak badly about another person is toxic and one should be very careful when being in their company.

According to a Turkish proverb:

He who gossips about someone to you will equally gossip about you to another person. They will always try to break you or someone else down.

Sometimes they spark intimidating words that will make you feel bad about yourself. For example, when they ask you "If you've watched the latest love series on Netflix" you reply that you haven't. Their response will be "I can't believe that you didn't care to watch what everyone is hailing at".

This sort of comment can make you feel bad and that tells you a lot about the trait of that person.

4. Observe their reaction when they realize that someone else is doing well.

You can imagine this scenario when you tell them that Mrs. Jane got a promotion at her workplace and they reply "Are you sure she hasn’t slept with her boss to get there?" or they might say "She probably paid for it in cash or kind". When their reply should have been “Waw that’s awesome, Jane gets promoted? Let’s celebrate, am so happy for her, I know she needed this for so long"

When they are not happy about someone else’s happiness, it tells a lot about them.

5. Observe the way they behave when things don’t go well as planned.

Life is not guaranteed and change is constant, that's why we shouldn't allow any change in plan to ruin our life or our day.

For example, being disappointed by a flat tire on a highway when you are running to catch up with a scheduled plan. Or your grocery bag splits and all your items just got waisted on the floor. So, when such things happen and the person involved states screening on top of their voices, that tells you a lot about their personality.

6. Late coming.

Observe their timekeeping skills. If they are always late, that is an obvious personality.

I know that life happens, but being late all the time is not normal, and perhaps I know it's not about the other person or group that is waiting, it's about being aware of timeliness. One should not be so laid back or be a habitual latecomer because it can define your personality.

7. How they value tidiness.

Do they put things away when they are done with them? This will tell you how they care about others or their concern about things. Do they make things look challenging for others, like leaving dirty dishes on the table and not minding to take them to the cleaning area? Or leaving dirty clothes hanging around and not taking them to the laundry making the other person feel frustrated. These traits tell you a lot about them.

8. The way they handle animals.

Some show their personality through the way they treat animals. For example, when they see a stray cat running across the road, they will say "At least is not a human being, so they should keep wondering. (what a cruel way to approach animals).

Usually, this statement means nothing to them, and it tells a lot about their personality.

9. Their driving style.

It is a normal thing for them to always drive aggressively, and it speaks a lot about them.

Other traits that may tell a lot about a person include, their eating habit, the way they handle their phone, and what they do when people aren't watching.

Written by Jane Francis

I am a Content writer, Freelancer, Mom, and Wife. I share valuable information on dating, love, life, self-improvement, and relationships. Feel free to follow.

本文於修改第 3 次

引用網址：https://city.udn.com/forum/trackback.jsp?no=2976&aid=7264728

10個輕鬆看透人的「形於外」訊號 -- true.gentlemen.club
	推薦0


	胡卜凱等級：8 留言｜加入好友

How to Read Anyone in 10 Seconds (No BS, Just Psychology, With Proof)

Get the unfiltered truth on who they are before they even speak

true.gentlemen.club, 06/03/25

Let me put you on to something powerful.

You know how we usually take weeks, sometimes months, to figure out who someone really is? We hang out, we text, we get coffee, and only later we realize, “Damn… this dude’s shady,” or “She’s not who I thought she was.”

That’s old school. I’m done wasting time.

Because there’s a smarter way and it’s backed by legit psychology.

You can get a scary-accurate read on someone in ten seconds. No mind-reading, no gimmicks. These are just a few signs that most people don’t even know they’re giving off. I started applying this everywhere, meetings, dates, and networking events. It’s like having a cheat code for life.

But be warned: these aren’t tricks for mind-reading. They’re evidence-based cues you must learn, internalize, and use with ruthless accuracy. No fluff, no second chances.

Let me walk you through it like I would if we were just grabbing a drink and I wanted to give you a superpower.

1. The Face Never Lies — Micro-expressions

Alright, first thing: their face gives it all away before they even speak.

People flash quick little expressions (we’re talking milliseconds) that show what they really feel. A flicker of disgust, a twitch of contempt, a flash of sadness. You might miss it if you’re not paying attention, but once you know how to catch it… game over.

Example

You greet a prospective partner at a networking event. Their smile locks in at precisely 1.2 seconds before dissolving into a flicker of disdain behind their eyes. That’s a red flag: deep down, they’re skeptical or judging you.

Psychology

Amy Cuddy’s follow-up work shows that micro-expressions reflect authentic emotions. If someone’s “happy smile” is asymmetrical (only one side of the mouth curls), they’re likely masking discomfort or disingenuousness.

Action Step

Train yourself to notice those split-second facial twitches, tightened lips, raised brows, or a half-smile that doesn’t reach the eyes. Once you see them, you know what they really feel.

2. Eye Contact Tells the Truth

Next up: their eyes. It’s primal. In the wild, predators stare. Prey avoids eye contact. That hasn’t changed. If someone can’t meet your eyes, they might be hiding something or feel beneath you.

If they stare you down like they’re trying to win a staring contest, they might be overcompensating or trying to dominate.

The Sweet Spot? They meet your eyes, hold it for a second or two, and move on naturally. That’s confidence.

Psychology

In 2008, a study published in Psychology Today found that liars tend to maintain unnatural eye contact, overcompensating for their guilt. Conversely, people with low self-esteem avoid it altogether.

Action Step

In your first ten seconds, hold their gaze for a comfortable 1–2 seconds. Notice whether they break contact unnaturally or lock on too fiercely.

3. Posture = Power or Submission

How someone stands or sits speaks volumes. Someone confident? They stand tall, shoulders back, chest open. Someone insecure? Slouched, arms crossed, trying to shrink themselves.

And if they angle their body away from you, it’s like a subconscious “nah, I don’t trust you.”

Watch for this, when they walk into a room, do they own it? Or do they look like they’d rather melt into the wall?

Posture broadcasts status. Psychologist Amy Cuddy’s famous “power pose” research proved that expansive stances increase testosterone (dominance) and decrease cortisol (stress).

Scenario

You meet a job candidate in the lobby. They slump into your office chair, elbows on the armrest, avoiding the center of the desk. That’s a subconscious sign: they’re not expecting to persuade you.

Psychology

A 2010 study in The Journal of Nonverbal Behavior revealed that closed-off positions (crossed arms, hunched posture) correlate with lower perceived dominance and decreased leadership potential.

Action Step

The moment they walk in, note if they stride in confidently, chest up, or if they hang back, shoulders drooped. That ten-second snapshot tells you if they feel powerful or powerless.

4. Handshake or First Touch? It’s Telling

I don’t care if it’s a handshake, fist bump, or a nod; the first physical cue matters.

Limp handshake = not present, not confident.
Bone crusher = trying too hard, ego play.
Perfect one? Firm, confident, one-second hold. Done.

You’ll feel if they’re grounded or fake instantly.

Scenario

A potential client stretches out a limp, loopy hand as you approach. You immediately sense they’re ambivalent about your pitch.

Psychology

A 2011 study by Cornell University demonstrated that the quality of a handshake affects likability, trustworthiness, and even hiring decisions.

Action Step

Offer your right hand promptly. Grip firmly and release after one second, just long enough to register a confident engagement. Watch their cue: do they match your energy or crumble?

5. Look at Their Style: Details Expose Discipline

This one’s underrated. People dress as they think. Crisp shirt, clean shoes, intentional look? That’s self-respect.

Wrinkled tee, busted shoes, messy vibe? That’s either laziness or chaos upstairs.

Scenario

You have 10 seconds to size up a co-worker you’ve never met. Their shoes are polished, bonus points. Their tie is straight. Their blazer fits. You instantly trust that they’re organized, disciplined, and likely to follow through.

Psychology

Research in the Journal of Social Psychology shows that people judged as “well-dressed” are perceived as more competent and trustworthy even before they speak.

Action Step

Scan for these visual clues: neatness, color coordination, and subtlety. If they look like they just rolled out of bed, you can bet their work ethic mirrors their outfit.

6. Voice Says What Words Don’t

Now, when they start talking, how they talk matters more than what they say.

High-pitched, fast, jittery = nerves or insecurity.
Calm, slow, low tone = authority, grounded energy.
Flat or monotone? They don’t care, or they’re hiding something.

Scenario

During your first “hello,” their words tumble out. You catch a slight stutter, a raised pitch at the end of every sentence, classic signs of nerves. Not always a deal-breaker, but a red flag in negotiation or leadership situations.

Psychology

A Harvard Business Review analysis found that confident leaders use a bit slower pace and deeper voice signals the brain registers as “someone I can follow.”

Action Step

Ask a simple question: “So, what brings you here today?” In ten seconds, you’ll notice if they’re calm or flustered, authoritative or pleading, clues to their core state.

7. Facial Warmth or Cold Vibes

Beyond micro-expressions, you’ll feel this one. Some people smile, but there’s tension in their jaw, their forehead’s tight, it’s like their face is on lockdown.

Others? You can see the warmth in their eyes. Their face relaxes, and you feel welcomed.

Remember:

Tense face = guarded.
Warm face = open, safe, real.

Scenario

You greet a mentor-in-training at a conference. She offers a genuine smile, cheeks rising to her eyes. Her face radiates curiosity. You know she’s coachable and engaged.

Psychology

A study in Emotion journal (2015) showed warm facial expressions correlate with higher perceived trustworthiness and cooperation.

Action Step

Look for Duchenne smiles (genuine ones), the eyebrow muscles contract. If you see fake smiles (just lips), take caution: they may be masking true feelings.

8. Do They Mirror You? That’s Rapport 101

People who like or respect you will naturally sync up with you, body language, tone, and pace. It’s subconscious. If you lean in, and they lean too? Connection.

If they’re stiff, off-beat, not following your energy? Something’s off.

Scenario

At a client pitch, you lean in, make a point; they instinctively match your lean. You sense they’re on board. Next slide, you slow your speech; they calm theirs to match. That synchrony means “ally,” not “opponent.”

Psychology

Research by Tanya Chartrand at Duke University on the “chameleon effect” found that people who unconsciously mimic each other’s non-verbal cues report higher levels of liking and smoother communication.

Action Step

Move deliberately and watch if they mirror you. In ten seconds, you can gauge whether you’re dealing with an ally, someone who wants to connect, or an opponent who won’t meet you halfway.

9. Words Reveal Mindset

Forget small talk, listen for the language patterns.

Do they say “we” or just “I”?
Do they talk like life’s happening to them? (“I can’t,” “They won’t let me…”)
Or like they take control? (“Here’s what I did,” “This is my plan.”)

That word choice tells you everything about their mindset.

Scenario

They start with, “I feel like I’ve been passed over on every project.” That victim narrative signals a lack of accountability. If they say, “Here’s how I solved problems in past roles,” they own their agency.

Psychology

A Harvard study on linguistic markers showed that using first-person plural pronouns (we, us) often indicates collaboration, while excessive first-person singular (I, me) can reflect ego or self-focus — both extremes can be problematic.

Action Step

Listen for “I,” “we,” “they,” “sure,” “maybe.” In ten seconds, you’ll notice if they’re decisive or wishy-washy, team-oriented or ego-driven — or worse, blame-shifting.

10. Initial Energy: Do They Bring Fire or Fog?

And finally, what vibe do they walk in with?

Even if they’re quiet, is there life in their eyes? A little spark in their tone? You can feel when someone’s present, passionate, switched on. You can also feel when someone’s just… checked out.

One guy walks in and says, “hey…” like he just woke up.

Another one? “Hey, what’s up, man?” Boom, energy. Hunger. Intent. That’s who you bet on.

Scenario

You open a conversation with an ambitious new hire at your startup. Their eyes light up, voice lifts an octave, and they grin — not because they’ve rehearsed it, but because they genuinely want to be here. Instant hustle signal.

Psychology

In Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin (2017), researchers found that initial enthusiasm predicts long-term commitment and performance.

Mastering the 10-Second Scan: Putting It All Together

1. Approach with Purpose

Stand tall. Be present. If you’re distracted, you’ll miss these cues. Look them in the eye. Offer a confident but not crushing handshake. Your presence sets the tone.

2. Actively Observe

In your first ten seconds, note: facial micro-expressions, posture, eye contact, grooming, handshake, vocal tone, initial energy, and word choices. Jot nothing down, just see it all in real time.

3. Thin-Slicing, Not Stereotyping

“Thin-slicing,” a concept popularized by psychologist Nalini Ambady, means making accurate judgments from minimal information. But beware of bias. If someone dresses “unconventionally,” don’t assume they’re unprofessional. Context matters. Compare cues against each other.

4. Contextualize with Caution

If they have cold eye contact but a warm smile, maybe they’re shy, not malicious. Combine multiple signals. If a clenched jaw coincides with erratic eye movement and a shaky handshake, you can conclude defensiveness or deceit.

5. Trust, But Verify

Your ten-second read gives you a working hypothesis. Use deeper probing, open-ended questions, scenario tests, and follow-up at later stages to confirm or refine your impression.

Final Thoughts: This Isn’t Judging. It’s Survival.

Look…people will say, “You’re being judgmental.”

Nah, you’re being prepared. You’re not judging them, you’re reading them. There’s a difference.

We’re not in high school anymore. These are job interviews, relationships, deals, and opportunities. You don’t have time to “wait and see.” You’ve got 10 seconds to decide: worth your energy or a walking red flag?

Use these cues. Practice them daily. You’ll sharpen your people radar so hard, it’ll feel like you’re psychic.

Because if you can’t read people fast…

You’ll end up trusting the wrong ones slowly.

So stop apologizing for being “judgmental.” You’re not judging; you’re evaluating. You’re using proven psychological shortcuts, micro-expressions, tone, and posture to see who’s trustworthy, who’s hungry, and who’s hiding something.

Want more no-fluff tactics like this? Follow me. I’ll keep handing you the tools they don’t teach in school — but run the world behind the scenes.

Let’s go. Hit that follow now!

本文於修改第 1 次

引用網址：https://city.udn.com/forum/trackback.jsp?no=2976&aid=7263296

第頁／共4頁

粉絲團