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自我提升篇--開欄文：改變個性的步驟 -- C. Jarrett
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瀏覽2,985 ｜回應21｜推薦1 |
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個性不但會影響一個人職業生涯的成功程度，它更左右一個人對自己的生活是否滿意，從而決定她/他一生的快樂和幸福。
此處要強調：行動的重要！知而不行，是為不知。
請參照《討人喜的5秒鐘聊天撇步》一文；該文也提到：「內向型個性」、「排隊等候情境」、以及「行動」的重要性。
「君子求諸己」；
「吾日三省吾身」；
「苟日新、日日新、又日新」。
The simple ways you can change your personality, according to a cognitive neuroscientist
Want to become more confident, extroverted or assertive? Science shows that with a few simple changes, you can unlock your best self.
Christian Jarrett, 03/09/25
As a few thousand vaguely patronising Instagram posts will tell you – every new day is an opportunity to turn over a new leaf. Start afresh, be better. But where to start?
Well, you could adopt a new hobby or set yourself a small challenge. Or maybe you could get much more radical and change your personality.
In scientific terms, personality is simply a set of traits that reflect how you tend to think, feel and behave. It might sound harsh or confronting to suggest changing your personality, but many surveys suggest that most people wish to alter at least some of their traits.
Psychologists largely recognise there are five key personality traits:
openness to experience (your willingness to try new things);
conscientiousness (your self-discipline, ambition and orderliness);
extroversion (how you're drawn to fun);
agreeableness (how warm, friendly and trusting you are); and
neuroticism (how much you experience negative emotions, such as worry and doubt).
Extroverts tend to be happier and enjoy social interactions more than they expect, even when they initially feel reluctant. - Photo credit: Getty 請至原網頁觀看照片
Unlike moods or emotions, personality traits are relatively stable. If you don’t see your friend for a few years, you still recognise them as essentially the same person when you finally do meet up.
It might sound far-fetched, then, to change such a fundamental aspect of ourselves. But psychologists have been stress-testing personality, and their findings suggest that not only is personality change possible, it’s actually a jolly sensible idea.
For instance, through a series of studies published in 2023 and 2024, a research team based across various European universities showed that an app was able to help people change their personalities in the ways they wanted.
Because of its international inception, PEACH (PErsonality coACH) was only available to download in German – but an English version will soon be on its way.
Participants had to choose a trait to focus on and then the app gave them self-help tips, prompting them to adopt activities in line with that trait – such as nudging them to do an important task rather than procrastinating (to boost their conscientiousness), or taking a photo of something beautiful every day (to boost their openness).
PEACH not only shifted the desired traits, but the changes lasted even after a year. What’s more, the changes were associated with increases in overall life satisfaction.
Getting started
If you're interested in changing your traits, a great place to start is a personality test that taps into the previously mentioned 'Big Five'. There are various free options online. Have a look at your scores and think about how – and more importantly, why – you’d like to change.
Rather than thinking of your traits in abstract terms, consider your hopes and ambitions in life. What could you change to address those aims? Do you want to increase your extroversion to make more friends? Or boost your conscientiousness to succeed more in your career?
Another approach is to consider how the different traits have been linked with various outcomes in life.
For instance, extroverts tend to be happier, while neurotic types tend to suffer more from depression and anxiety. Conscientious people generally tend to be more successful in their chosen career paths.
Meanwhile, having greater openness has been found to help protect against dementia and agreeable people tend to experience less stress.
A blueprint for change
Psychologists have identified several key ingredients for successful personality change. First, you need to want to change. Second, you need to commit to doing things differently – that includes changing how you think and behave.
Consider your personality as being grounded in various habits of thought and behaviour. To change it, you need to change those habits – that takes dedication, repetition and perseverance.
Studies suggest introverts often find acting like an extrovert isn't as daunting as they might imagine. - Photo credit: Getty Images 請至原網頁觀看照片
The PEACH app helped users in this respect by prompting them to think in terms of ‘if-then’ principles. These are small rules, such as:
“If I’m waiting in a line, then I’ll make an effort to talk to the person next to me” (as a method of boosting your extroversion).
Finally, you need to check in, to see how your efforts are paying off and make tweaks. It's helpful to think of ways to change both from the inside-out (adopting new habits of thought, for instance), and the outside-in (recognising that your environment and the people you interact with also shape you).
If you’re serious about changing one or more of your traits, it’s worth not only learning new skills and habits, but also taking a look at things like your work culture or your friendship group, to consider whether they’re conducive to your personal development goals.
Neuroticism
Surveys show that lowering neuroticism is the most popular change to make. If you succeed, you’ll likely benefit – one study from 2013 estimated that a small reduction in neuroticism would boost your wellbeing by the equivalent of an extra $314,000 income per year (that’s over $400,000 in today’s money, or approximately £312,000).
If you’re a high scorer in neuroticism, it’s likely that you experience many negative thoughts, such as self-criticism and worry. Schools of psychotherapy abound with tips and tricks for getting these thoughts under control.
Neurotic individuals are more prone to experiencing negative emotions like anxiety and self-doubt, which can significantly impact their overall well-being. - Photo credit: Getty 請至原網頁觀看照片
One of my favourites is the so-called ‘mind-bus’ technique.
Imagine that you’re the driver of a bus and your difficult thoughts are the passengers. You can then have fun, for example, getting them to sing what they’re nagging you with, or telling them you’re in charge.
The idea is to help create a distance between yourself and your thoughts so that they’ll trouble you less.
Conscientiousness
After lowering neuroticism, the next most sought-after personality change is to become more conscientious. It’s a good choice because more conscientiousness is associated with receiving more work promotions and living longer.
One way to get started is to realise that the secret to higher conscientiousness is not having ironclad willpower. It’s about avoiding temptations in the first place.
Psychologists talk about a ‘temptation generation cycle’ and you can get into the habit of disrupting it at different stages.
First of all, you can remove temptations (don’t leave the cookie jar out; don’t take your phone to bed). Secondly, you can influence your appraisal of temptations – tell yourself that the cookies look old and your phone makes you stressed.
The next step is to make the alternatives sparkle. Remind yourself of how good you’ll feel after you’ve eaten some fruit, or how rewarding it’ll be to read a book.
Extroversion
Surveys show the next most sought-after trait change is to become more of an extrovert. This could be a shrewd move – many recent studies have shown that when introverts act more extroverted, they enjoy it much more than they think they will.
They’ve even reported that it makes them feel more authentic.
One fun way to boost your extroversion is to learn a different language that makes you feel less inhibited (research suggests Spanish might be a good choice, but find what works for you).
A completely different approach could be to hone your flirtation skills – yes, really. A study from 2022 found that just three hours of training was sufficient to help make gains in extroversion.
Ultimately, these are just some initial ideas for how you can influence your traits. To achieve any meaningful change, you’ll need to stick at it and make a habit of your new ways of living.
Dr. Christian Jarrett is a cognitive neuroscientist, science writer and author. He is the Editor of Psyche, the sister magazine to Aeon that illuminates the human condition through psychology, philosophy and the arts. Jarrett also created the British Psychological Society's Research Digest blog and was the first ever staff journalist on the Society's magazine, The Psychologist. He is author of Great Myths of The Brain and Be Who You Want: Unlocking the Science of Personality Change.
Read more on wellbeing:
* 7 biggest lessons on building lasting habits, from a motivational psychologist
* Could this be the bold new future of depression treatment?
* I'm a neuroscientist. Here's the surprising truth about TikTok 'brain rot'
* What is a collapsed narcissist?
* Which generation is the most hypersensitive?
* Why your brain won't shut up at night (and the simple way to shush it)
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愚蠢的性質和成分 ----- Ross Pomeroy
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自以為是 = 愚蠢
不合邏輯 = 愚蠢 X 2
自以為是 + 不合邏輯 = 愚蠢 X 愚蠢
你有這兩種「成分」嗎？如果有，多嚴重？
What Is Stupidity?
Ross Pomeroy, 03/02/19
What is stupidity? Surprisingly enough, it's a question few scientists have grappled with, perhaps out of a desire not to wade into a subject that could so easily offend. After all, the field of intelligence studies is rife with controversy. Still, some have tendered their thoughts.
Evolutionary biologist David Krakauer, President of the Santa Fe Institute, told Nautilus, “Stupidity is using a rule where adding more data doesn’t improve your chances of getting [a problem] right. In fact, it makes it more likely you’ll get it wrong.”
Carlo M. Cipolla, a professor of economic history at the University of California - Berkeley, argued that stupidity is characterized by causing losses to another person or group whilst deriving no gain and even possibly incurring losses yourself.
In one of the few direct empirical studies on stupidity, researchers Balazs Aczel, Bence Palfi, and Zoltan Kekecs distilled a few traits that drive stupidity: overconfidence, ignorance, absentmindedness, impracticality, and an inability to control one's own actions.
Notice that none of these descriptions of stupidity simply refers to it as an absence of knowledge. Lacking information about a topic does not make one stupid, as one can always educate oneself. Rather, stupidity is more of a choice. If someone chooses to act without taking full measure of the available evidence, that is stupidity.
Since humans take countless actions that scythe across disciplines and scenarios, anyone – educated or not, wealthy or poor, politician or voter – can be stupid at one time or another. Although, it must be said, some tend to be stupid more often than others.
One area of research where we perhaps can see stupidity on paper is the Dunning-Kruger effect. As many studies have revealed, it seems surprisingly (and unfortunately) universal that people who lack correct information about a certain issue tend to think they are actually informed about it. Often, they even overestimate their knowledge by such a degree that they are more confident than people who actually know the correct information. These people, the ones who know little but profess to know a lot, can be said to be truly stupid.
Can stupidity be avoided or is it hard-wired? Perhaps writing tongue-in-cheek, Cipolla expressed the opinion that stupidity is genetically predetermined, an "indiscriminate privilege of all human groups... uniformly distributed according to a constant proportion."
I'll take the opposite stance. I believe that education can root out stupidity like a garden weed. The answer is not to merely teach facts, as is still all too common, but to teach people how to attain facts and how to discern a good source of information from a bad one. One must also learn to nurture a healthy degree of self-doubt. Essentially, the antidote to stupidity is a scientific way of thinking.
Related Topics:
intelligence, social science, psychology, stupidity
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快速學習竅門 -- Axel Casas
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You Are Not Stupid. This Is How You Can Master Anything
And boost your career
Axel Casas, PhD Candidate, 03/22/25
“I can’t learn. I’m not smart enough.”
Stop saying that. You-are-smart. And you love learning something new. This could sound counterintuitive, as many people in school would say they hate studying. But this is wrong.
Everyone loves learning.
But we disagree on what.
For example, you may hate your science lectures but love learning about new sports. Or you may hate the history of your country but love learning about the Cold War.
Learning is part of being human. Our powerful brains evolved to learn things quickly. That’s why you’re smart and capable of learning anything. So, take advantage of our evolution.
And start learning new things now.
Effective Learning Is Science, Not Magic
Let’s understand what learning means.
The APA dictionary of psychology defines learning as “the acquisition of novel information, behaviors, or abilities after practice, observation, or other experiences, as evidenced by change in behavior, knowledge, or brain function.”
One question worth asking is when does learning occur. In other words, how can you know when you learned something or not?
For example, you may have experienced forgetting or feeling your mind blank before an exam. You studied so hard for it. What happened? Well, the answer is that you didn’t learn effectively.
This means you didn't link information from your short-term to long-term memory.
* Short-term memory: lasts seconds, minutes, hours, or days.
* Long-term memory: last days, months, years, and even a lifetime.
* To learn more about the psychology of memory, read this.
So, effective learning happens when you link data to your long-term memory.
The key difference between successful and unsuccessful students is that the latter learn with ineffective methods. That means they use strategies that keep information in their short-term memory. This also creates a cognitive illusion, the illusion of learning, that happens when you believe you learned something when you didn’t.
Here are some examples of bad strategies:
* Rewatching: watching your lectures repeatedly gives you a false sense of understanding. You may struggle once you try to recall or do what they taught you. This happens a lot when learning programming.
* Rereading: same as rewatching but reading your notes and textbooks. The key problem with this method and rewatching is that they are passive. To learn effectively, you need active methods.
* Highlighting: although it helps to find key information to practice recalling better, many students think that highlighting their books alone or rereading them is enough to learn.
I wrote a post about them here.
Better strategies:
* Retrieval: flashcards, free recall, etc.
* Spaced practice: space out sessions to give your brain enough time to consolidate information.
* Interleaving: combine different but similar topics. Study topic A and B for 10 minutes separately. Then, when studying A or B, again, combine topics you learned from A or B.
* Interrogative elaboration: ask and answer how and why questions.
* Concrete examples: analogies, examples, etc., to better understand the topic.
* Dual coding: visualize topics with memes, mind maps, etc.
To learn more about these strategies, read this article.
How To Learn Anything
The takeaway for all of this is this definition:
Effective learning is about linking and making information stick to your long-term memory.
And everyone. Let me repeat. EVERYONE can achieve this. So, it is not that you’re dumb or stupid. It is just that you weren’t learning in the right way. I know this is annoying to read because we have been learning all our lives.
But probably not effectively.
And it is not your fault. Probably no one taught us how to learn effectively! In my case, I had to learn this by myself while studying Psychology.
So, focusing on effective learning is the first thing for your learning revolution and mastering everything. This is a huge topic. And if I wrote about that here, the article would be 1 hour long. But here’s my strategy to learn anything with links to read more if interested:
Meta-learning: understand how the knowledge is organized and create a path to master it (tip: use universities’ or courses’ programs). Read more here.
1. Effective study strategies: retrieval, spaced practice, interleaving, interrogative elaboration, dual coding, concrete examples. Read more here.
2. Focus and small habits: use the Pomodoro technique to focus for 25-minute study sessions. Read more here.
3. Time management: use the Pomodoro technique to understand how long a task takes you. Read more here.
4. Second brain: create a second brain to help your brain retrieve information. Read more here.
5. Learning system: with time, you will find a flexible system to learn anything.
Don’t expect to notice massive changes from one day to another.
Learning is a skill, and it will take time to get good, just like riding a bicycle or reading books faster. But it is one of the best soft skills to have. In the end, everything comes from learning new things. Master this, and you will become unstoppable.
Good luck!
Did you enjoy this article?
* Support my work by buying me a coffee.
* Consider joining 4K super learners in The Super Learning Lab.
* And get my free eBook “Rocket Learning: 7 Hacks To Survive University, Ace Exams, And Learn Anything.”
Thanks for reading!
See you,
Axel
Written by Axel Casas, PhD Candidate
Psychologist and PhD candidate in Neuroscience. Subscribe to the Super Learning Lab: https://rb.gy/tffezu | Contact me: https://forms.gle/SS4X9VRxWm5D6kae9
Published in Cogni.tiva
Learn the new frontiers of learning and master any topic.
相關閱讀
5 Books That Will Make You Smarter Than 97% Of People
And embrace effective lifelong learning
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6種長不大的小屁孩-shawnn
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6 Signs of a STUPID Man
Are You the Fool in the Room? 6 Signs of a Man Who Refuses to Grow.
shawnn, 07/04/25
Some men walk through life as cautionary tales (讓人警惕的活生生例子). They mistake noise for wisdom, comfort for progress, and ego for strength. They never pause long enough to ask, “Am I the problem?” But if you’re reading this if you’ve made it past the title then you’re already one step ahead.
Stupidity isn’t about IQ.
It’s a mindset.
A refusal to learn.
A commitment to emotional comfort over uncomfortable truth. And the danger?
A stupid man rarely knows he’s stupid. Here are six brutal, honest signs that you’re walking down the wrong path and how to turn around before it’s too late.
1. He Argues More Than He Listens.
There’s a man who always needs to be right. He argues endlessly, not to understand but to win. He twists words. Raises his voice. Calls it “debate” when really, it’s ego dressed up as dialogue.
But the Stoics knew better: “A wise man embraces truth, even when it wounds his pride.” Listening is a skill. Humility is a strength. And if you find yourself defending your opinion more than questioning it you’re not debating, you’re drowning.
2. He Believes in Luck More Than Discipline.
The stupid man sees a successful person and says,
“Must be nice.”
He blames the world never himself. He doesn’t see the early mornings, the discipline, the sacrifice. He just sees the outcome and calls it luck.
Why?
Because if success is luck, then he doesn’t have to change. He doesn’t have to show up. He doesn’t have to try. But the truth is:
“Luck is just discipline that showed up every day.”
Do the work. The results will feel like magic.
3. He Fights Meaningless Battles.
He argues with strangers online. He starts fights over nothing. He wastes hours defending opinions that won’t change a thing.
Why? Because it gives him the illusion of power.
But power isn’t about proving people wrong. It’s about choosing which battles are even worth your energy.
Marcus Aurelius wrote:
“You could be good today. But instead you choose tomorrow.”
What are you spending your time on?
Does it move your life forward or just drain it?
4. He Thinks Feelings Are More Important Than Reality.
The stupid man is a slave to emotion.
Angry? He yells. Sad? He quits. Hurt? He lashes out.
He wants the world to bend around his feelings. But the world doesn’t care. A wise man understands: “Emotions are waves. You don’t drown in them. You surf them.”
You feel your anger but you don’t act from it. You sit with sadness but you don’t collapse. Control your emotions, or they’ll control you.
5. He Never Learns From His Mistakes.
Some men touch the stove, get burned and touch it again.
And again.
And again.
They chase the same toxic people. Spend money they don’t have. Blame fate instead of facing facts. But every mistake is a lesson or a life sentence.
“You don’t have bad luck. You have bad patterns.”
Wisdom doesn’t come from experience. It comes from reflection. So ask yourself: What am I repeating that keeps burning me?
6. He Surrounds Himself with Fools.
Look around.
Are you the smartest man in the room? Then you’re in the wrong room.
The stupid man chooses comfort over growth. He surrounds himself with enablers gossipers, complainers, cowards. Why? Because it’s easier to stay small when no one around you is growing.
But the wise man?
He chooses friends who challenge him.
He finds mentors, not mirrors.
He wants to feel uncomfortable because he knows that’s where growth lives.
So Which Man Are You Becoming?
Stupidity is easy. It doesn’t ask questions. It doesn’t evolve.
It stays angry, bitter, lazy, loud and blind.
But if you’re willing to face yourself, really face yourself, then you’ve already begun the journey toward wisdom.
Here’s the truth:
You don’t have to be the fool in the room. You can choose to wake up. You can change your patterns. You can become the man people listen to not because you’re loud, but because you’re grounded.
Growth is quiet. Discipline is invisible. And wisdom?
It’s what happens when you finally get tired of your own excuses.
Written by shawnn
freelance writer
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想進步？改掉這5種常見習慣 - Sumanpreet Kaur
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「行為培養習慣；習慣塑造性格；性格決定你的一生」。-- Charles Reade
Quit These 5 Average Habits (They Are Destroying Your Growth)
These habits are silently sabotaging your potential.
Sumanpreet Kaur, 02/20/25
Most people want to break free from their mediocre lives, but they remain stuck. Why?
All because of this one reason:
Habits.
Average habits = Average life.
You are working relentlessly, around the clock. But something is holding you back. Your average habits have trapped you. And you don’t even realize it.
Most people believe success is about bold moves. Yes, it is. But those moves are powered by small habits (Yes, those small habits that most overlook). Our daily habits determine whether we thrive or merely survive.
Let me share the five average habits I eliminated — and when I did, I reclaimed time, peace, and accelerated growth.
1. Random social media check-ins
Those “quick” five-minute scrolls? They steal precious time you’ll never get back.
Look around you. People are glued to their phones, scrolling mindlessly.
At a café, in waiting rooms, and even mid-conversations — people are half-present. Scrolling. Consuming. Distracted. Living on autopilot.
Meanwhile, here’s how it impacts:
Wasted time (that could have been spent solving a problem)
* Drained focus (your attention span is your greatest asset)
* Lost moments (life happens when you’re not staring at a screen)
Whenever you’re going to scroll uselessly on social media, ask yourself:
Would my future self spend time like this?
Does my dream life have room for constant distractions?
When I reflected on these questions, I made a decision:
No social media from Monday to Friday.
Now, I am mindful of what watch, whom I listen to, and where my time is going. It changed how my everyday life looks.
Most people today are drowning in distractions.
I refuse to be one of them.
And you?
2. Waiting for the weekend
For a long time, I caught myself counting down to Saturday.
Wake up Monday. Push through the week. Finally, the weekend.
But then I realized — If I’m always waiting for the weekend, my weekdays aren’t worth it. Why?
* Instead of giving my best shot today, I’m thinking of the weekend.
* My focus is scattered. That means my efforts would not convert into concrete outcomes.
That was a serious problem.
So, I made these subtle changes:
* Set weekly goals.
* Planned the focus of my morning work hours.
* Included a daily journal in my routine to improve my consciousness.
Now? I focus on how I spend each day, how I improve my next day, and where I am heading.
Make your every day like a staircase towards progress, not just a countdown.
3. Overplanning the next 100 steps.
Planning to make $10K in one go is like trying to climb Mount Everest in a day — you’ll end up exhausted, frustrated, and stuck.
The quickest way to sabotage your progress is by obsessing over the 100th step when you’re only on the 10th.
Think about it: Your mind will not believe the idea of making straight $10K, but it will believe to reach $2K while you’re making $1K.
So, why not channel your energy into the very next step? Towards the step that’s small and feels achievable.
Now, I know what my area of focus is:
✔ My monthly goal is crystal clear.
✔ My weekly priorities keep me on track.
✔ My daily non-negotiables move the needle.
✔Including the mess up in my days, it just happens.
This is all I need. No more ‘5-step approach to 6 figures in 3 months.’ I don’t need it.
And now, to better implement this small focus approach, use this 1–3–5 strategy to reach goals:
* What is the one aim you want to achieve? For example, Gain clients from LinkedIn.
* What are the 3 goals you need to attain that aim? For example, Hit 5K LinkedIn followers, close 3 deals/month, and attend 2 sales meetings/ week.
* What are your daily 5 non-negotiables to complete each goal?
When you master small focus, you step into massive success.
4. Useless expenses
A while ago, I read something that changed how I manage money:
There are two ways to earn more money:
1. Spend less to earn more.
2. Make more to earn more.
So I asked myself, why not do both?
The next day, I checked my finance tracker. And I was shocked. Shocked and surprised over how my money was just flowing out.
Food delivery. Impulse buys. Random subscriptions.
It was money leaving my account without a second thought.
Now? Before any expense, I ask: Is this actually important?
Being conscious of my spending didn’t just save money — it made me more intentional in everything I do.
5. Eating While Watching My Phone
For years, every meal was accompanied by a side of YouTube, Instagram, or some podcast.
At first, it seemed harmless. Just entertainment.
But over time, I noticed something worse:
* I was eating too fast, barely tasting my food.
* I never felt done eating, because I was consuming content, not just food.
So I stopped. No screens. No distractions. Just me and my meal.
And everything changed.
✔ I actually enjoyed what I was eating.
✔I became more present (在意、主導、主控) in my own life.
✔I built a daily habit of mindfulness (專注) — without even trying.
Eating is one of the few daily rituals we can control — why waste it being distracted?
Your Daily Habits = Your Future Life
“Sow an act and you reap a habit. Sow a habit and you reap a character. Sow a character and you reap a destiny.” — Charles Reade (行為培養習慣；習慣塑造性格；性格決定你的一生。)
The small things we do every day? They aren’t small at all. They shape everything.
So, what will you choose?
* Keep average habits
* Or consciously (用心的) build high-quality habits.
After all, a delicious meal starts with fresh ingredients. The quality of life depends on the “ingredients” you choose — conscious acts and meaningful habits.
Written by Sumanpreet Kaur
1.2K followers；61 following
Published in Change Your Mind Change Your Life
Read short and uplifting articles here to help you shift your thought, so you can see real change in your life and health.
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不易做到的大腦/心理保健12招 -- Dr. Patricia Schmidt
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12 Brain & Mental Health Truths You Won’t Like - But Need to Hear
What I learned after 20+ years in neuroscience
Dr. Patricia Schmidt, Psychology Ghostwriter, 06/13/25
As a psychologist and neuroscientist with over two decades of research, I’m shocked by all the pseudoscience and misinformation on the internet about the brain and mental health.
The truth is: Brain health doesn’t have to be complicated, even though the brain is the most complex organ we know.
Here’s my compilation of 12 science-backed mental and brain health truths you might not have seen elsewhere.
1. Water does more for your brain than fancy supplements.
Your brain is over 70% water, and the fluids in your brain are vital for its function.
If you want your brain to work at full power, hydrate properly.
Many people are dehydrated — not in a medical or life-threatening sense, but their hydration level is insufficient for optimal brain function.
2. Sleep should be your top priority.
Sleep influences any function you can think of: memory, attention, problem-solving, decision-making, emotion regulation, appetite, you name it.
You’ve probably noticed that after a bad night, it’s hard to concentrate, you tend to overreact to emotional triggers, or feel hungrier than usual. This immediately shows you the importance of sleep.
Plus: While asleep, your brain cleans itself of waste and toxic proteins. That’s your glymphatic system at work. It’s like a waste disposal system on autopilot that keeps your brain healthy.
This cleaning process protects you from neurodegeneration and diminishes your risk for dementia and other diseases.
And don’t fall into the trap of sacrificing sleep to have more waking hours and get more done. It doesn’t work this way.
If you’re sleep deprived, you won’t be able to perform at your best.
3. Not all stress is bad for you.
I used to think stress was bad, and most people would agree.
But: That’s not true. Stress isn’t necessarily bad.
It’s a tool that activates your organism. Mild to moderate stress is beneficial and helps you achieve optimal performance.
Imagine how boring your life would be without stress. You would be stagnating.
Look at the following figure: 請至原網頁觀看壓力大小—工作能力關係說明圖
Source: https://integrativecancer.org/wp-content/uploads/Yerkes-Dodson-curve-1024x600.png
It represents the Yerkes-Dodson Law, which illustrates the relationship between stress level and performance.
It shows:
* When your stress level is low, your performance is low. You’re not activated or energized enough to perform.
* When your stress level is high, your performance is low, too. You’re too overwhelmed to perform.
* The sweet spot lies at an intermediate stress level: You feel challenged and energized but not overwhelmed, and your performance is optimal.
But you must change your mindset and acknowledge that stress benefits you.
Think of it as a challenge or growth opportunity rather than a threat, and channel the energy from your stress reaction into doing something productive to achieve your goals.
4. A walk in nature solves most of your problems.
Whether you feel tired, unable to concentrate, or are chewing forever on a problem, a walk will clear your mind. It’s like a reset button for your brain.
Science is only starting to discover the fantastic potential of walking for your brain and mental health.
If possible, walk in a green, natural environment. Walking is generally excellent, but its restorative potential is maximal in a natural environment.
Positive side effects: You get more steps in, regulate your internal clock thanks to natural light exposure (so, if possible, walk without sunglasses), and produce vitamin D.
5. Many health and fitness coaches are wrong.
They praise exercise and diet, and the better ones also focus on optimizing sleep.
While these are essential pillars for a healthy life, a fundamental one is missing: social relations.
Relationships are crucial for long-term (mental) health and dementia prevention. Their potential and importance are still underestimated.
A study shows that loneliness poses a health risk comparable to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day. (請參考此欄)
Be aware, though: Loneliness and being alone are different things.
* Someone can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely.
* Someone can be alone but not feel lonely.
6. Brain health and gut health are directly related.
Research shows a bidirectional link between the gut and the brain. The gut microbiota (a mix of microorganisms living in your gastrointestinal tract) influences brain function and mental health.
An unhealthy gut makes you depressed, sick, and miserable.
Don’t expect to feel great if you neglect your gut health.
What improves gut health?
* Consume more prebiotics (found in chicory root, garlic, asparagus, and other plant sources).
* Consume more probiotics (found in fermented foods: yogurt, kefir, sauerkraut, and more).
* Eat a balanced diet rich in nutrients and fiber.
* Reduce alcohol, sugar, and highly processed foods and beverages.
* Hydrate properly.
* Avoid excessive hygiene.
* Take antibiotics only when necessary.
* Manage stress.
The link between gut and brain health is still an emerging research field, but the evidence is promising.
7. Growth happens in your discomfort zone.
Your brain is wired for survival above all else.
It loves predictability and certainty.
If you want to grow rather than only survive, you must step out of your comfort zone and stop playing it safe.
Fear and discomfort aren’t signals to stop. They’re signals to pay attention.
8. Toxic positivity harms your mental health.
Negative emotions aren’t your enemies.
Feeling sad, angry, or afraid is normal.
Allow your emotions to happen instead of suppressing them.
Suppressing your negative emotions has devastating long-term consequences:
* In the short run, it increases stress reactivity (a stressor will activate your nervous system more than it would without previous emotion suppression).
* In the long run, it leads to poor health outcomes, such as an increased risk of cardiovascular disease.
So: Use your emotions as signals instead of fighting them.
9. Excessive scrolling on social media destroys your brain.
It leads to a decreased attention span, increased distractibility, and wrecks your brain’s reward system.
Social media displays of polished perfection also generate a false image that everybody except you is perfect and has an ideal life, which is detrimental to your well-being.
So: Establish clear boundaries for your social media use and stick to them.
And when you’re not using your phone, leave it out of sight, ideally in another room, to regain your focus. I wrote an article about this topic in case you want to know more (見相關閱讀):
10. Recovery is as important as hard work.
Prioritizing recovery is essential for mental health and productivity.
Rest is NOT laziness. It keeps your brain healthy and prevents burnout.
Your brain function isn’t linear across the day. Regular breaks will make you more productive than powering through.
Don’t treat rest as a reward for work. It’s a requirement to do your best work.
11. Multitasking is a lie.
You can’t do more than one cognitive task at once.
What feels like multitasking is actually rapidly switching back and forth between tasks. The switches are so quick that it feels like you’re doing more than one thing at a time, but you’re not.
Each switch costs you cognitive resources and depletes them more quickly than when you focus on a single task.
Focused work will get you the results you want.
12. It’s impossible to control everything.
There are many things you can’t control. They just happen to you.
Stressing over (憂慮、擔心) them doesn’t make sense because you can’t change them.
The first step is acceptance: Accept that there are things in your life that you can’t control.
The 2nd step is to change how you think about them. Can you find meaning in them? Can you turn them into challenges or growth opportunities?
You can’t control what happens to you, but you can control how you react to it.
This is my list of 12 truths about the brain and mental health. I hope some of them made you think or inspired you to implement changes in your life.
Let me know which one resonated the most with you or which one surprised you the most!
Hello! I am Dr. Schmidt, a doctor of psychology and neuroscientist turned ghostwriter.
If you want content like this delivered straight to your inbox, subscribe to my “ATP — All Things Psychology” newsletter!
My homepage: https://creatorschmidt.com
相關閱讀：
Your Attention Span Isn’t Wrecked. Here’s What’s Stealing Your Focus
How to improve your focus immediately, backed by science
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你有這7種「負面言行」嗎？ - Dr. Shainna
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本文作者為正牌心理學家，在情境和建議之外，對「負面言行」生成的原因也做了分析。值得細讀和進行舉一反三式的深思。也請參考本欄下一篇評論。
Is someone you know "toxic"?
Seven subtle signs of your own toxic traits
Dr. Shainna, 07/05/25
We all know what it feels like to be around toxic energy. Toxic behavior isn’t always obvious or intentional. Sometimes, it’s survival mode in disguise. Other times, it’s unhealed pain masked as control, criticism, or silence. In today’s TikTok Therapy world, we throw around the term “toxic” often, but rarely turn the lens inward. We’re quick to call out ghosting, gaslighting, and manipulation in others, but what if the red flags are in the mirror? What happens when we pause and ask: Could I be showing up in ways that hurt the people I care about? This piece explores 7 subtle ways we might unknowingly bring toxic energy into our relationships and how awareness can lead to change. This isn’t about shame, it’s about courage. Let’s gentle look inward before we point any fingers…
1. You struggle to take accountability
Do you deflect blame or justify your mistakes? Accountability isn’t about perfection, it’s about owning your impact. If you often say things like “Sorry you feel that way” or “I wouldn’t have done that if you hadn’t…,” you might be dodging responsibility. If vulnerability was punished in your past, defensiveness may feel like self-protection.
Try to shift:
* Replace blame with honest reflection.
* Shift from “Why is this happening to me?” to “What can I do next?”
2. You’re overly critical or judgmental
Do you correct, critique, or offer “honest feedback” that no one asked for? There’s a fine line between being real and being rude. If you regularly highlight flaws without balancing encouragement, it could be toxic. We often judge others where we feel most insecure ourselves.
Try to shift:
* Offer the compassion you wish you’d received
* Swap unsolicited advice for active listening.
3. You use emotional pressure to get your needs met
Do you sulk, withdraw, or guilt-trip when disappointed? Manipulation isn’t always calculated. Sometimes, it’s a learned way to cope when direct communication seems unsafe. If expressing needs was ignored or punished, guilt might feel like the only option.Yet, no matter the underlying reason, yielding power over someone else isn’t healthy.
Try to shift:
* Practice stating your needs clearly. Map them out by yourself first.
* Know that you’re allowed to want things, and to ask directly.
4. You push past boundaries
Do you take “no” personally? Are you often trying to change people’s minds? Respecting boundaries is a critical relationship skill. If you find yourself pushing back when others set limits, it may be time to pause. If boundaries weren’t modeled in childhood, they may feel like rejection now.
Try to shift:
* Learn to recognize boundaries as safety that protects you and others too.
* Reflect on your own boundaries.
* Practice asking people to share their boundaries in times you are unclear.
5. You add more negativity than positivity
Do people feel uplifted or drained after being around you? Honest venting can be okay at times, but if you’re often stuck in complaint mode, it can impact those around you. What examples do you have of raising the vibe and how does that compare to dampening the energy? Negativity can feel protective, like bracing for impact, but it also can inhibit connection.
Try to shift:
* Notice and name small wins and joys.
* Ground your honesty in hope.
6. You are a control-seeker
Do you plan everything, lead everything, and struggle to let go? Control can feel like safety when you’ve experienced chaos or betrayal. Fear of abandonment and the unknown often fuel control. While these are understandable anxieties, without working on them the need for control can eave others feeling suffocated.
Try to shift:
* Create a safe space to explore your fears of letting go
* Focus on building inner safety.
* Trust what’s meant for you won’t require force to stay.
7. You run from your problems
Do you ghost, shut down emotionally, or quietly build resentment? Sometimes toxicity is in what we don’t do. Silence, avoidance, and passive withdrawal are all signs of disconnection. Avoidance often stems from fear of confrontation or not feeling safe to express emotion.
Try this:
Reflect on the difference between acceptance and avoidance
Start small, you don’t have to tackle your biggest problems first.
Maybe you’re wondering, “Does this mean I’m toxic?” Not necessarily. Truth be told, if your toxicity was sky-high you likely wouldn’t have made it this far into this article. If you did notice room for growth, excellent work! It’s that awareness, that we often overlook, that sparks impactful change. Before you go please remember, no one is perfect, and being willing to look at the truth is meaningful work.
Dr. Shainna, creator of The Mental Wellness Practice
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如何讓性格變得堅強 - S. Bhai
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請參考此欄介紹三位斯多噶派哲學家金玉良言的文章(2025/06/26、2025/06/29、和2025/07/01)。如果仔細的讀，應該可以看出他們思想一脈相通之處；三位觀點自然跟下文也可以相互參照。
我在這篇拙作提到：「此派觀點跟中國文化裏的儒、道、釋三家在『修身養性』方面說法相近、相通」(該欄2025/06/26)；只是我的國學底子本來就不夠硬，現在記憶力也急速消失中；無法做比較研究。但是，我相信這應該是值得下點功夫的碩、博士論文題目。
7 Stoic Habits That Will Mentally Toughen You Up
Better to Do One’s Own Duty Poorly Than to Do Another’s Perfectly - BG 3.35
Singh Bhai, 05/08/25
Listen, I’m not going to make you any promises about enlightenment at noon or informing you how these habits will make you the Dalai Lama with a sixpack.
These seven habits, taken from the ancient Stoics and the Bhagavad Gita, might make you stronger mentally, simple as that.
1. Let Things Go and Only Care About Your Actions
You are privileged to do your assigned task but not to enjoy the fruit of your work.
Do the thing. That is all. Just do the thing.
Do it. Write the article. Make the call. Attend the workout. Hit publish. Do whatever it is.
And then just walk away.
If you’re reloading the stats page or had an investment in someone like a seal cheering person over your Substack post.… you’ve already lost.
Craving for outcomes is how disappointment is born in your mind.
It’s cute the way we pretend to be interested only in the ending. As if we’re not secretly building a shrine to it in our heads.
Just get it done.
Let the results stand on their own.
2. Do What’s Right, Not What’s Easy
It is better to fail in one’s own duty than to succeed in the duty of another.
But most people don’t want that kind of failure; they want borrowed paths with guaranteed outcomes.
People say they like doing hard things until it gets hard. Then they turn to cheesy quotes and blame their choices like a bad review.
We all know what is right. The problem is, doing the right thing is often messy and not easy. And people don’t like messiness.
So do your work. Yours. Not your boss’s. Not your cousin’s. Not the fake life an influencer shows online.
If you win at the wrong thing, it’s not real success. It’s a lie.
And there’s already too much of that in the world.
3. Keep Your Wits About You No Matter What Happens
Equal pleasure and pain, gain and loss, victory and defeat, treat alike.
Life’s gonna feed you gourmet food someday, and flaming garbage burritos the next.
And when it’s your turn, just keep eating as if it’s all the same thing.
* Freaking out rarely fixes things.
* Getting too high on wins makes crashes hurt more.
* Being calm isn’t being cold.
* You can care and still not combust.
I am not saying you need to meditate on a mountain and become Gandhi 2.0.
Just stop overreacting every time something doesn’t go as planned.
4. Consider Your Choices Every Day (「吾日三省吾身」-- 《論語•學而篇》第4)
Self-reflection and self-inquiry are the fundamental yogic disciplines.
If you can’t challenge your decisions without rationalizing, then you’re not growing. You’re merely going around the same circle with a brighter light.
Because if you always defend your choices instead of asking, “Was this the right thing?” then you never see your mistakes. You stay in the same place, just with nicer words or a better look.
Ask yourself:
* Did I act like a good human today?
* Did I cheat the system and complete the difficult thing I knew I had to do?
* Did I make some passive-aggressive remark and say it’s “just a joke”?
Five minutes of honest reflection beats five hours of performative journaling. Just sayin.
5. Train Your Body, Mind, and Speech with Discipline
Austerity is control of the body, mind, and words, performed with determination and devotion.
Discipline doesn’t mean waking up at 5 a.m. and drinking lemon water. You can do that if you want, but if that’s already your routine, you should close this post.
In my opinion, Discipline is training.
All of it.
* Body — Move it. Eat something that wasn’t dispensed from a vending machine. Walk without scrolling. Stretch. Don’t die gasping after two flights of stairs.
* Mind — Read. Think. Don’t just inhale hot takes from strangers and pass that off as education, and learn how to make your own opinion without watching a YouTube video or X post.
* Speech — This means not snapping at people when you are hungry/anrgy, not swearing
6. Keep Your Ego in Check and Stay Humble
Those who are free from pride and delusion, who have overcome the evil of attachment…. they attain the eternal goal.
Ego is not just acting better than others. Ego is when you think things like, “I should be doing better,” or “Why don’t they see how great I am?”
The thing about humility is that it’s subtle.
It doesn’t need a standing ovation. It doesn’t need a motivational meme. It just exists, gets the job done, and doesn’t subtweet its colleagues.
If ego is being a pain, do this: imagine a 13.8 billion year old universe and remind yourself that your thought regarding Taylor Swift’s new beau is not likely to tilt the Earth off its axis.
You’re small. If you realize that, then you have the freedom to keep creating without turning it into a Cringe LinkedIn humblebrag.
7. Stay consistent in your work, but not obsessed with reward.
Do your work with a firm but unbiased heart, neither elated nor discouraged by success or failure.
This is the religious equivalent of “just keep swimming.”
Because sometimes you go in there, you do your best, and life offers you… crickets, Nothing, Just you and your Google Doc back together again like exes who didn’t exactly break up on good terms.
Effort, not obsession. That’s our move.
Because the results are misleading. One day you’re a genius. The next, a hack. Algorithms change. Humans get distracted. Timing is a coin toss. But effort is yours, and you can iterate on that.
Just keep writing. Keep coming back. Keep attempting.
Let the rest of it do what it will.
Wait a Sec
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Written by Singh Bhai
I break down psychology, behavior, decision-making, and mental habits with insights you can actually use. Newsletter: https://theopenbook.substack.com/
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We share sharp, thoughtful writing on anything that makes you think deeper, feel clearer, or see differently. Topics (Psychology, Mindset, Money, Writing, Self Improvement and more)
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8種成熟人士的行為–V. Moon
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8 Rare Signs That Prove Someone is Truly Mature (That Most People Miss)
If you want to know someone’s level of maturity, watch how they deal with these situations.
Victor Mong, 12/28/24
Maturity is a word that makes you think of serious people who seem like they’ve got everything figured out—like they’re always calm, always on time, and always in control.
But real maturity isn’t always so obvious. Sometimes, the signs of being truly mature are quiet and easy to miss.
They don’t look like the big things people talk about, like having a good job or taking care of responsibilities.
Instead, these signs are small, and often less known. However, when you meet someone who shows these qualities, you can feel there’s something special about them.
Here are 8 signs of true maturity you might not expect but will make you think, “Wow, this person is different.”
They Have an Independent Mindset Unshaken by Popular Opinion
One big sign of maturity that I liked a lot is being able to think for yourself.
A mature person doesn’t just follow what everyone else is doing or saying. They take time to think carefully, look at the facts, and make decisions based on what they believe is right.
This doesn’t mean they’re stubborn or think they know everything. In fact, mature people are open to listening to advice and learning new things.
What makes them different is their quiet confidence. They trust their own ability to make thoughtful choices, so they don’t need others to agree with them to feel good about their decisions.
You can see this independence in how they handle tough situations. While others might quickly pick a side or follow the loudest opinion, a mature person stays calm and thinks things through.
If you find someone that isn’t afraid to believe something unpopular they think is the right thing to do, they’re simply telling you’re that they’re mentally mature.
At the same time, they’re also willing to change their mind if they find new information that makes more sense.
Consistently Doing What Needs to Be Done, Even When No One’s Watching
One of the rare signs of maturity is the ability to consistently do what needs to be done, even when no one is watching.
This means handling responsibilities, big or small, without needing recognition or external motivation.
Take, for example, the person who wakes up early for a workout, not because they’re being watched, but because they understand the long-term benefits.
Or the parent who keeps the house clean, cooks meals, and cares for their children every day, even when there’s no praise or gratitude.
They understand that even if their actions go unnoticed or unappreciated, they matter and often demonstrates discipline and responsibility.
Mature people don’t need constant validation. They don’t need others to notice or approve. They’re guided by their own sense of what’s right.
In contrast, an immature person often do things only when there’s an audience, or they procrastinate and wait for the “perfect” moment to act.
They lack the internal drive or sense of responsibility to do what needs to be done, especially when there’s no immediate reward.
The Courage to Be Vulnerable Without Oversharing
There’s a big difference between being open about your feelings and dumping all your emotions onto someone else.
A mature person understands this and knows how to balance the two.
They’re not afraid to share when they’re struggling or tell a personal story to help someone feel less alone.
But they do it thoughtfully, not to get attention or pity, but because it’s meaningful and helpful.
Mature people take responsibility for their emotions. They don’t expect others to fix their problems or carry their burdens for them.
On the contrary, they share in a way that shows strength, not weakness. It says, “I’m human. I have struggles, but I’m also capable of handling them.”
This kind of vulnerability is rare and refreshing at the same time. It’s honest without being overwhelming.
In a world where people either hide their feelings or overshare, this balanced approach stands out as a sign of emotional maturity.
Not Needing to Win Every Argument
Immature people often mistake arguing for a game to be won, where dominance, for them, equals intelligence or worth.
Maturity is when someone doesn’t need to win every argument—especially the small or pointless ones.
Immature people argue to feel superior or prove they’re right. But a mature person understands that not every disagreement is worth their energy.
This doesn’t mean they avoid conflict or stay silent when something truly matters. It means they know when to engage and when to let it go.
They can tell the difference between a meaningful conversation and a pointless argument that’s just about egos clashing.
Here’s the surprising part: letting go of the need to “win” often feels like the biggest win of all.
It brings peace of mind and keeps them from wasting energy on things that don’t really matter. That’s the power of true maturity.
The Ability to Embrace “Good Enough”
In a world that glorifies perfection and constant improvement, being able to say, “This is good enough,” is a powerful sign of maturity.
A mature person knows that chasing perfection all the time can lead to stress, frustration, and feeling like nothing is ever enough.
They understand that things don’t have to be perfect to be valuable.
This doesn’t mean they’re lazy or don’t care. In fact, they work hard and aim for excellence when it matters most. But they also know when to stop and move forward.
They won’t let the need to make something flawless become an impediment.
Whether it’s finishing a project, building a relationship, or making a decision, they know they don’t need to wait for perfection can sometimes stop progress altogether.
Accepting imperfections is part of life. It doesn’t make something less valuable; it just makes it real.
Mature people embrace “good enough” because it frees them from unnecessary pressure and allows them to focus on what truly matters.
Holding Contradictory Ideas Without Needing to “Solve” Them
A powerful sign of maturity is the ability to hold two seemingly contradictory ideas in tension without feeling an overwhelming need to resolve them.
Life is rarely black and white, yet many people struggle with gray areas because they crave clarity and certainty.
A mature individual, however, understands that complexity is an inherent part of life—and that sometimes, contradictions are not problems to be solved but truths to be held.
This ability shows up in the way they think and interact with the world. For example, they can simultaneously believe in striving for self-improvement while embracing self-acceptance.
They can appreciate the value of tradition while being open to progress. They can recognize someone’s flaws without diminishing their good qualities.
What sets them apart is their comfort with ambiguity. They don’t rush to label something as “right” or “wrong” but instead take the time to explore the nuances of a situation.
This capacity for intellectual and emotional flexibility enables them to approach life with curiosity rather than judgment.
It’s a rare trait because it requires confidence in one’s own ability to navigate uncertainty. But it’s also deeply liberating.
By letting go of the need for everything to fit neatly into a single box, they open themselves to richer, more layered experiences—and inspire others to do the same.
The Ability to Stay Curious in the Face of Disagreement
The capacity to approach disagreement with curiosity rather than defensiveness is a rare sign of maturity.
Most of us, when faced with ideas that challenge our beliefs, feel a surge of resistance. It’s almost instinctual, like a fight-or-flight response, to preserve the safety of what we think we know.
But a mature person does something radically different: they lean in. They ask, “Why do you think that?” or “What led you to see it that way?”
They’re not threatened by differing perspectives because they don’t tie their sense of worth to being “right.” On the contrary, they see disagreement as an opportunity to learn, even if it’s uncomfortable.
This doesn’t mean they lack conviction. Quite the opposite. Their ability to stay curious stems from a deep self-assuredness.
They know their beliefs can withstand scrutiny, and if they can’t, they’re open to refining them.
They Know When to Keep Quiet
Here’s an underrated skill that shows maturity: knowing when not to speak.
This is especially hard in a world that constantly rewards those who dominate conversations, post the loudest opinions, and always seem to have something to say.
A mature person understands that silence is often more powerful than words. They know there’s wisdom in listening deeply and choosing their moments to contribute thoughtfully.
It’s not that they’re shy or unassertive. They simply don’t feel the need to fill every silence with noise.
This restraint also extends to emotional situations.
When someone lashes out, a mature person is most likely to resist the urge to respond in kind.
They understand that sometimes, the best response is none at all—a pause, a moment of grace.
Written by Victor Mong
I write about human potential, building a life you want & mastering your mind || info.victormong@gmail.com
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7個古老的人生智慧–S. Bhai
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7 Ancient Philosophies That Make Modern Life Easier
What you think, you become. What you feel, you attract. What you do, you create — Buddha
Singh Bhai, 05/17/25
Many people think stress is a modern problem.
But that is not true.
People thousands of years ago were stressed out, too. They just didn’t call it “executive dysfunction.” They probably just stared at the sky and muttered something poetic.
I studied 7 old ideas that have helped people for a long time.
What I learned can help you live better.
These are 7 powerful ideas that still work today, no matter what is happening in your life.
Most of Your Fears Are Just Thoughts
Ancient Stoics didn’t label it as anxiety.
They simply told you you’re catastrophizing.
They didn’t have Xanax or breathing apps or Instagram reels with people whispering you’re safe.
They had Epictetus say such things as:
“We suffer more in imagination than in reality.”
And no offense to your worst case scenario in fiction, but he’s correct.
“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” -Marcus Aurelius
According to research from National Science Foundation, we have up to 60,000 thoughts a day, and god knows how many of them are negative.
To calm your mind, you can do this:
* Is this thought really true?
* Do I have proof?
* What would I say if my friend thought this?
Life Flows Like Water: Stop Trying to Swim Upstream
Taoism 101: Water doesn’t grapple with a boulder. It just flows around it.
You, on the other hand, are over here trying to body slam life into submission.
* You want traffic to vanish, your boss to mind read, and your ex to send something sorry at 2:13 a.m.
* None of that’s happening.
Water does not rush. It does not mind if you have a five-year plan in Notion.
It adjusts, reroutes, and adapts. No flailing. No drama.
It gets where it’s going without screaming into the void.
You ain’t here to battle gravity. You’re here to learn to flow.
Perhaps we can apply this to life as well. That’s what Bruce Lee once said, right? “Be Like The Water”.
Sounds nice, until you’re stuck behind someone going 12 mph in the fast lane, then it’s less Taoism and more rage induced enlightenment.
Do the Thing But Let Go of the Outcome
Hindu Karma: Arguably the most misunderstood concept in religious history.
It is not about someone stealing your parking space and then getting a flat tire.
That is merely wishful thinking. Karma is not cosmic payback. It’s action, not outcome.
Here’s how it works:
* You do the thing. Wholeheartedly. Perhaps with your whole heart.
* You release the grip on how it lands.
Because you can’t tell other individuals what to do with what you provide them.
* Write the article. Publish it. (Rinse and Repeat)
* Don’t stalk the statistics for six hours.
* Love someone. Mean it.
* Don’t twist yourself because they are not clapping loudly enough.
Show up. Let go. Move on.
It’s attachment to the outcome that just gets your head in a knot. Release it.
What You Praise, You Grow
There is something in Ubuntu (Southern African philosophy) which essentially states: We become ourselves through others.
What you strengthen in others and in yourself grows.
* Keep reminding your child that they’re “the smart one,” and they’ll be too afraid to attempt anything they’re terrible at.
* Keep praising effort over outcome, and they’re not afraid to fail.
* Tell yourself that you’re always behind and you’ll be behind. Because your brain takes notes.
The fancy term for this is “Neuroplasticity” (the brain’s ability to rewire itself based on repeated thoughts, behaviors, and beliefs). This becomes the foundation for what’s known as the growth mindset.
Bottom Line
* What you praise, you grow.
* What you repeat, you reinforce.
* What you pay attention to, in yourself and in others, becomes stronger. Because attention is fuel. Wherever it goes, energy flows
You Don’t Need An Opinion On Everything
Modern humans process five times as much information per day as we did in 1986.
We are overwhelmed with opinions.
Humans have opinions about relationships they are not in, about policies they never got to see, and the character of strangers based on a 12% context video clip.
Because the human brain is wired to complete incomplete stories.
Every time you give your opinion, it takes some of your energy, the energy you need to think clearly, stay calm, and take care of how you respond.
* It’s okay that you don’t care as much about every headline.
* It’s okay to say “I don’t know.”
* It’s also fine to just. not say anything. Revolutionary.
The Body Learns Quicker Than the Mind
You can read all the advice.
You can watch a thousand TikToks on how to “rewire your nervous system.”
But change doesn’t occur in your head. It happens in your daily activities. Because thinking about change is not the same as doing it.
* You’re not going to be disciplined by purchasing a planner. You’re going to be disciplined by doing the task when you don’t want to.
* You’re not another person because you wish. You’re another person because you behave like them until it’s second nature.
Your body is in charge. Your mind follows.
Repetition rewires faster than inspiration.
Written by Singh Bhai
I break down psychology, behavior, decision-making, and mental habits with insights you can actually use. Newsletter: https://theopenbook.substack.com/
Read short and uplifting articles here to help you shift your thought, so you can see real change in your life and health.
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10種所向披靡的魅力 -- Yana Bostongirl
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女性有此等魅力也讓人難以抵擋。作者的文風相當時髦和口語化；我並不全然了解每一句話。如果那位朋友讀起來有些吃力，正好借機會下點功夫上網查查，讓自己的英文趕上時代。
10 Green Flags Women Find Irresistible in Men
Plus, what are the deal breakers — the anti-hot traits that instantly kill the vibe
Yana Bostongirl, 06/14/25
1. The Kisses You Remember… and the Ones You Regret
I’ve had some memorable kissing experiences… and some that still trigger the gag reflex when the memory escapes the dark recesses of my brain.
Like the tongue probing that reminded me of a slimy slug. Or the breath that carried hints of boiled egg and onion with little bits of leftover food stuck in teeth.
I’m not saying the people were bad. They just had no idea that kissing is an art. And like any art, it requires skill and a basic level of preparedness, like basic oral hygiene.
Then there was the vacuum kiss. After a few awkward tries, we finally clicked — one moment I was talking and the next he just leaned into me and ‘sealed’ the kiss shut. Boom. Vacuum.
Apparently 80% of people never experience the air sucked bliss of being vacuumed because it usually happens by accident when air is sucked out of the mouth. Too bad, as can be addictive.
The first time my partner kissed me, it was electrifying, probably due to the intense chemistry. It felt so toe-tinglingly good that I couldn’t get enough of his kisses.
So what makes a guy irresistible to women other than being a good kisser? Here are the 9 things:
2. Kindness is still hot
Sometimes I feel like gallantry is dead — then you meet a wholesome guy who opens the door for you, holds your hand tight while crossing the road, and is genuinely polite to everyone, not just you. And suddenly, you realize manners aren’t dead after all. I still remember the first time my boyfriend asked for my consent to call me an endearing name — I was like, this is so cute! Everything is in the details.
3.Competence = Molten Desire
My boyfriend is an engineer who worked as an exec. The moment he rolls up his sleeves and reveals those strong forearms while working with tools or doing anything hands-on, it sparks a primal response. Who would’ve thought exposed forearms could be this sexy?
4. Emotional Maturity
I don’t need someone to pay my bills — I need a companion who’s emotionally mature enough to see that after being a strong woman all day, I need taking care of. I love being babied. Run me a bath, give me a massage, take me on a long drive. I let him be dominant, not because I can’t lead, but because I want to put my responsibilities down for a while and let someone else take over. Understanding that requires self-awareness and emotional stability is hot, period.
5. Sense of Humor
Who doesn’t love a sense of humor? In our relationship, I’m the comic relief. I like funny guys — but not to date. I love that my boyfriend’s the serious, a tough guy… but inside, he’s a soft, creamy jelly doughnut I love to nibble. Oh, and the fact that he smells amazing? Huge turn-on.
6. Genuine Listening
I’m used to guys zoning out when I bring out the big guns — aka emotions. The ones I dated before weren’t in touch with their feminine side or treated feelings like they were radioactive. For an emotional being like me, it’s a huge turn-off if my partner isn’t listening and meeting me halfway through all my emotions. Who said I’m not a handful?
7. Natural Confidence
Maybe it’s because I’m Indian American and familiar with both worlds, but I’ve had my fill of braggarts. I get that tooting your horn is part of social status in certain cultures, but doing so constantly and relentlessly? That’s just annoying and screams deep insecurity.
There’s something incredibly sexy about a guy who’s confident without having to flex.
8. I’m all for nerds — just not the ones emotionally stuck in kindergarten.
Passionate, joyful nerding out — I’ve only had that once, and it sealed our friendship, not a relationship. We laughed at everything, finished each other’s sentences, and gave impromptu high-fives. He brought out my inner child, which was a lot of fun. But I’m not looking for someone emotionally stuck in kindergarten.
9. Charisma
Some say it’s eyes that crinkle at the corners and a nice smile — who doesn’t love a smile? But for me, it’s the energy and actions that matter most. When energy, words, and actions don’t line up, that’s a red flag. It means they’re wearing a mask and telling you things they think you want to hear.
10. Animated convos
Giving a partner space to talk about their interests with excitement, without dumbing it down or being dismissive, is amazing. In my responsibility-laden life, family, blogging, and hiking bring me joy. I could go on and on about them, just like I listen to him go on about Solana or politics. That’s the point: making room for each other’s passions is necessary.
So, even though kissing might start the fire, it’s these 9 things that keep the warmth going. That, and maybe the smell of cinnamon toothpaste. It’s also true that for every man who melts your heart with a kiss or a kind gesture, there’s always one who leaves…a very different kind of impression.
Behold, the deal breakers:
* Brags about crypto but can’t find the light switch in a well-lit room: Great, you mined a coin but that doesn’t mean you know anything about female anatomy or what a woman needs — and no, porn teaches jacksh*t.
* Thinks using filthy language is a personality: Maybe some think it is. But a real man knows how to speak with decency and still make a point — no abuse required.
* Man spreading his way to a groin injury: Maybe it’s a peeve because I come from a patriarchal society where this screams dominance. My issue is when they do it on purpose, knees boldly invading neighboring territory as if it’s their birthright to take up all the space, or worse, when it’s a come-on. I mean, c’mon!
* Cries (alpha) wolf: Toxic people like slapping on labels like “alpha” to feel special or make up for some inadequacy. It’s cringy and a major turn-off.
* Main character syndrome: If you treat everyone else like background characters, we’ve got a problem. Basic kindness like “please” and “thank you” costs nothing, whether it’s the waitstaff or your own mom.
* You don’t need therapy, you need to chill. No, don’t tell me that. What you actually need is emotional literacy. Just because your culture doesn’t name the trauma doesn’t mean it isn’t real. We all carry something.
What’s your personal green or red flag in a relationship?
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