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自我提升篇--開欄文：改變個性的步驟 -- C. Jarrett
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個性不但會影響一個人職業生涯的成功程度，它更左右一個人對自己的生活是否滿意，從而決定她/他一生的快樂和幸福。
此處要強調：行動的重要！知而不行，是為不知。
請參照《討人喜的5秒鐘聊天撇步》一文；該文也提到：「內向型個性」、「排隊等候情境」、以及「行動」的重要性。
「君子求諸己」；
「吾日三省吾身」；
「苟日新、日日新、又日新」。
The simple ways you can change your personality, according to a cognitive neuroscientist
Want to become more confident, extroverted or assertive? Science shows that with a few simple changes, you can unlock your best self.
Christian Jarrett, 03/09/25
As a few thousand vaguely patronising Instagram posts will tell you – every new day is an opportunity to turn over a new leaf. Start afresh, be better. But where to start?
Well, you could adopt a new hobby or set yourself a small challenge. Or maybe you could get much more radical and change your personality.
In scientific terms, personality is simply a set of traits that reflect how you tend to think, feel and behave. It might sound harsh or confronting to suggest changing your personality, but many surveys suggest that most people wish to alter at least some of their traits.
Psychologists largely recognise there are five key personality traits:
openness to experience (your willingness to try new things);
conscientiousness (your self-discipline, ambition and orderliness);
extroversion (how you're drawn to fun);
agreeableness (how warm, friendly and trusting you are); and
neuroticism (how much you experience negative emotions, such as worry and doubt).
Extroverts tend to be happier and enjoy social interactions more than they expect, even when they initially feel reluctant. - Photo credit: Getty 請至原網頁觀看照片
Unlike moods or emotions, personality traits are relatively stable. If you don’t see your friend for a few years, you still recognise them as essentially the same person when you finally do meet up.
It might sound far-fetched, then, to change such a fundamental aspect of ourselves. But psychologists have been stress-testing personality, and their findings suggest that not only is personality change possible, it’s actually a jolly sensible idea.
For instance, through a series of studies published in 2023 and 2024, a research team based across various European universities showed that an app was able to help people change their personalities in the ways they wanted.
Because of its international inception, PEACH (PErsonality coACH) was only available to download in German – but an English version will soon be on its way.
Participants had to choose a trait to focus on and then the app gave them self-help tips, prompting them to adopt activities in line with that trait – such as nudging them to do an important task rather than procrastinating (to boost their conscientiousness), or taking a photo of something beautiful every day (to boost their openness).
PEACH not only shifted the desired traits, but the changes lasted even after a year. What’s more, the changes were associated with increases in overall life satisfaction.
Getting started
If you're interested in changing your traits, a great place to start is a personality test that taps into the previously mentioned 'Big Five'. There are various free options online. Have a look at your scores and think about how – and more importantly, why – you’d like to change.
Rather than thinking of your traits in abstract terms, consider your hopes and ambitions in life. What could you change to address those aims? Do you want to increase your extroversion to make more friends? Or boost your conscientiousness to succeed more in your career?
Another approach is to consider how the different traits have been linked with various outcomes in life.
For instance, extroverts tend to be happier, while neurotic types tend to suffer more from depression and anxiety. Conscientious people generally tend to be more successful in their chosen career paths.
Meanwhile, having greater openness has been found to help protect against dementia and agreeable people tend to experience less stress.
A blueprint for change
Psychologists have identified several key ingredients for successful personality change. First, you need to want to change. Second, you need to commit to doing things differently – that includes changing how you think and behave.
Consider your personality as being grounded in various habits of thought and behaviour. To change it, you need to change those habits – that takes dedication, repetition and perseverance.
Studies suggest introverts often find acting like an extrovert isn't as daunting as they might imagine. - Photo credit: Getty Images 請至原網頁觀看照片
The PEACH app helped users in this respect by prompting them to think in terms of ‘if-then’ principles. These are small rules, such as:
“If I’m waiting in a line, then I’ll make an effort to talk to the person next to me” (as a method of boosting your extroversion).
Finally, you need to check in, to see how your efforts are paying off and make tweaks. It's helpful to think of ways to change both from the inside-out (adopting new habits of thought, for instance), and the outside-in (recognising that your environment and the people you interact with also shape you).
If you’re serious about changing one or more of your traits, it’s worth not only learning new skills and habits, but also taking a look at things like your work culture or your friendship group, to consider whether they’re conducive to your personal development goals.
Neuroticism
Surveys show that lowering neuroticism is the most popular change to make. If you succeed, you’ll likely benefit – one study from 2013 estimated that a small reduction in neuroticism would boost your wellbeing by the equivalent of an extra $314,000 income per year (that’s over $400,000 in today’s money, or approximately £312,000).
If you’re a high scorer in neuroticism, it’s likely that you experience many negative thoughts, such as self-criticism and worry. Schools of psychotherapy abound with tips and tricks for getting these thoughts under control.
Neurotic individuals are more prone to experiencing negative emotions like anxiety and self-doubt, which can significantly impact their overall well-being. - Photo credit: Getty 請至原網頁觀看照片
One of my favourites is the so-called ‘mind-bus’ technique.
Imagine that you’re the driver of a bus and your difficult thoughts are the passengers. You can then have fun, for example, getting them to sing what they’re nagging you with, or telling them you’re in charge.
The idea is to help create a distance between yourself and your thoughts so that they’ll trouble you less.
Conscientiousness
After lowering neuroticism, the next most sought-after personality change is to become more conscientious. It’s a good choice because more conscientiousness is associated with receiving more work promotions and living longer.
One way to get started is to realise that the secret to higher conscientiousness is not having ironclad willpower. It’s about avoiding temptations in the first place.
Psychologists talk about a ‘temptation generation cycle’ and you can get into the habit of disrupting it at different stages.
First of all, you can remove temptations (don’t leave the cookie jar out; don’t take your phone to bed). Secondly, you can influence your appraisal of temptations – tell yourself that the cookies look old and your phone makes you stressed.
The next step is to make the alternatives sparkle. Remind yourself of how good you’ll feel after you’ve eaten some fruit, or how rewarding it’ll be to read a book.
Extroversion
Surveys show the next most sought-after trait change is to become more of an extrovert. This could be a shrewd move – many recent studies have shown that when introverts act more extroverted, they enjoy it much more than they think they will.
They’ve even reported that it makes them feel more authentic.
One fun way to boost your extroversion is to learn a different language that makes you feel less inhibited (research suggests Spanish might be a good choice, but find what works for you).
A completely different approach could be to hone your flirtation skills – yes, really. A study from 2022 found that just three hours of training was sufficient to help make gains in extroversion.
Ultimately, these are just some initial ideas for how you can influence your traits. To achieve any meaningful change, you’ll need to stick at it and make a habit of your new ways of living.
Dr. Christian Jarrett is a cognitive neuroscientist, science writer and author. He is the Editor of Psyche, the sister magazine to Aeon that illuminates the human condition through psychology, philosophy and the arts. Jarrett also created the British Psychological Society's Research Digest blog and was the first ever staff journalist on the Society's magazine, The Psychologist. He is author of Great Myths of The Brain and Be Who You Want: Unlocking the Science of Personality Change.
Read more on wellbeing:
* 7 biggest lessons on building lasting habits, from a motivational psychologist
* Could this be the bold new future of depression treatment?
* I'm a neuroscientist. Here's the surprising truth about TikTok 'brain rot'
* What is a collapsed narcissist?
* Which generation is the most hypersensitive?
* Why your brain won't shut up at night (and the simple way to shush it)
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8種成熟人士的行為–V. Moon
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8 Rare Signs That Prove Someone is Truly Mature (That Most People Miss)
If you want to know someone’s level of maturity, watch how they deal with these situations.
Victor Mong, 12/28/24
Maturity is a word that makes you think of serious people who seem like they’ve got everything figured out—like they’re always calm, always on time, and always in control.
But real maturity isn’t always so obvious. Sometimes, the signs of being truly mature are quiet and easy to miss.
They don’t look like the big things people talk about, like having a good job or taking care of responsibilities.
Instead, these signs are small, and often less known. However, when you meet someone who shows these qualities, you can feel there’s something special about them.
Here are 8 signs of true maturity you might not expect but will make you think, “Wow, this person is different.”
They Have an Independent Mindset Unshaken by Popular Opinion
One big sign of maturity that I liked a lot is being able to think for yourself.
A mature person doesn’t just follow what everyone else is doing or saying. They take time to think carefully, look at the facts, and make decisions based on what they believe is right.
This doesn’t mean they’re stubborn or think they know everything. In fact, mature people are open to listening to advice and learning new things.
What makes them different is their quiet confidence. They trust their own ability to make thoughtful choices, so they don’t need others to agree with them to feel good about their decisions.
You can see this independence in how they handle tough situations. While others might quickly pick a side or follow the loudest opinion, a mature person stays calm and thinks things through.
If you find someone that isn’t afraid to believe something unpopular they think is the right thing to do, they’re simply telling you’re that they’re mentally mature.
At the same time, they’re also willing to change their mind if they find new information that makes more sense.
Consistently Doing What Needs to Be Done, Even When No One’s Watching
One of the rare signs of maturity is the ability to consistently do what needs to be done, even when no one is watching.
This means handling responsibilities, big or small, without needing recognition or external motivation.
Take, for example, the person who wakes up early for a workout, not because they’re being watched, but because they understand the long-term benefits.
Or the parent who keeps the house clean, cooks meals, and cares for their children every day, even when there’s no praise or gratitude.
They understand that even if their actions go unnoticed or unappreciated, they matter and often demonstrates discipline and responsibility.
Mature people don’t need constant validation. They don’t need others to notice or approve. They’re guided by their own sense of what’s right.
In contrast, an immature person often do things only when there’s an audience, or they procrastinate and wait for the “perfect” moment to act.
They lack the internal drive or sense of responsibility to do what needs to be done, especially when there’s no immediate reward.
The Courage to Be Vulnerable Without Oversharing
There’s a big difference between being open about your feelings and dumping all your emotions onto someone else.
A mature person understands this and knows how to balance the two.
They’re not afraid to share when they’re struggling or tell a personal story to help someone feel less alone.
But they do it thoughtfully, not to get attention or pity, but because it’s meaningful and helpful.
Mature people take responsibility for their emotions. They don’t expect others to fix their problems or carry their burdens for them.
On the contrary, they share in a way that shows strength, not weakness. It says, “I’m human. I have struggles, but I’m also capable of handling them.”
This kind of vulnerability is rare and refreshing at the same time. It’s honest without being overwhelming.
In a world where people either hide their feelings or overshare, this balanced approach stands out as a sign of emotional maturity.
Not Needing to Win Every Argument
Immature people often mistake arguing for a game to be won, where dominance, for them, equals intelligence or worth.
Maturity is when someone doesn’t need to win every argument—especially the small or pointless ones.
Immature people argue to feel superior or prove they’re right. But a mature person understands that not every disagreement is worth their energy.
This doesn’t mean they avoid conflict or stay silent when something truly matters. It means they know when to engage and when to let it go.
They can tell the difference between a meaningful conversation and a pointless argument that’s just about egos clashing.
Here’s the surprising part: letting go of the need to “win” often feels like the biggest win of all.
It brings peace of mind and keeps them from wasting energy on things that don’t really matter. That’s the power of true maturity.
The Ability to Embrace “Good Enough”
In a world that glorifies perfection and constant improvement, being able to say, “This is good enough,” is a powerful sign of maturity.
A mature person knows that chasing perfection all the time can lead to stress, frustration, and feeling like nothing is ever enough.
They understand that things don’t have to be perfect to be valuable.
This doesn’t mean they’re lazy or don’t care. In fact, they work hard and aim for excellence when it matters most. But they also know when to stop and move forward.
They won’t let the need to make something flawless become an impediment.
Whether it’s finishing a project, building a relationship, or making a decision, they know they don’t need to wait for perfection can sometimes stop progress altogether.
Accepting imperfections is part of life. It doesn’t make something less valuable; it just makes it real.
Mature people embrace “good enough” because it frees them from unnecessary pressure and allows them to focus on what truly matters.
Holding Contradictory Ideas Without Needing to “Solve” Them
A powerful sign of maturity is the ability to hold two seemingly contradictory ideas in tension without feeling an overwhelming need to resolve them.
Life is rarely black and white, yet many people struggle with gray areas because they crave clarity and certainty.
A mature individual, however, understands that complexity is an inherent part of life—and that sometimes, contradictions are not problems to be solved but truths to be held.
This ability shows up in the way they think and interact with the world. For example, they can simultaneously believe in striving for self-improvement while embracing self-acceptance.
They can appreciate the value of tradition while being open to progress. They can recognize someone’s flaws without diminishing their good qualities.
What sets them apart is their comfort with ambiguity. They don’t rush to label something as “right” or “wrong” but instead take the time to explore the nuances of a situation.
This capacity for intellectual and emotional flexibility enables them to approach life with curiosity rather than judgment.
It’s a rare trait because it requires confidence in one’s own ability to navigate uncertainty. But it’s also deeply liberating.
By letting go of the need for everything to fit neatly into a single box, they open themselves to richer, more layered experiences—and inspire others to do the same.
The Ability to Stay Curious in the Face of Disagreement
The capacity to approach disagreement with curiosity rather than defensiveness is a rare sign of maturity.
Most of us, when faced with ideas that challenge our beliefs, feel a surge of resistance. It’s almost instinctual, like a fight-or-flight response, to preserve the safety of what we think we know.
But a mature person does something radically different: they lean in. They ask, “Why do you think that?” or “What led you to see it that way?”
They’re not threatened by differing perspectives because they don’t tie their sense of worth to being “right.” On the contrary, they see disagreement as an opportunity to learn, even if it’s uncomfortable.
This doesn’t mean they lack conviction. Quite the opposite. Their ability to stay curious stems from a deep self-assuredness.
They know their beliefs can withstand scrutiny, and if they can’t, they’re open to refining them.
They Know When to Keep Quiet
Here’s an underrated skill that shows maturity: knowing when not to speak.
This is especially hard in a world that constantly rewards those who dominate conversations, post the loudest opinions, and always seem to have something to say.
A mature person understands that silence is often more powerful than words. They know there’s wisdom in listening deeply and choosing their moments to contribute thoughtfully.
It’s not that they’re shy or unassertive. They simply don’t feel the need to fill every silence with noise.
This restraint also extends to emotional situations.
When someone lashes out, a mature person is most likely to resist the urge to respond in kind.
They understand that sometimes, the best response is none at all—a pause, a moment of grace.
Written by Victor Mong
I write about human potential, building a life you want & mastering your mind || info.victormong@gmail.com
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7個古老的人生智慧–S. Bhai
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7 Ancient Philosophies That Make Modern Life Easier
What you think, you become. What you feel, you attract. What you do, you create — Buddha
Singh Bhai, 05/17/25
Many people think stress is a modern problem.
But that is not true.
People thousands of years ago were stressed out, too. They just didn’t call it “executive dysfunction.” They probably just stared at the sky and muttered something poetic.
I studied 7 old ideas that have helped people for a long time.
What I learned can help you live better.
These are 7 powerful ideas that still work today, no matter what is happening in your life.
Most of Your Fears Are Just Thoughts
Ancient Stoics didn’t label it as anxiety.
They simply told you you’re catastrophizing.
They didn’t have Xanax or breathing apps or Instagram reels with people whispering you’re safe.
They had Epictetus say such things as:
“We suffer more in imagination than in reality.”
And no offense to your worst case scenario in fiction, but he’s correct.
“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” -Marcus Aurelius
According to research from National Science Foundation, we have up to 60,000 thoughts a day, and god knows how many of them are negative.
To calm your mind, you can do this:
* Is this thought really true?
* Do I have proof?
* What would I say if my friend thought this?
Life Flows Like Water: Stop Trying to Swim Upstream
Taoism 101: Water doesn’t grapple with a boulder. It just flows around it.
You, on the other hand, are over here trying to body slam life into submission.
* You want traffic to vanish, your boss to mind read, and your ex to send something sorry at 2:13 a.m.
* None of that’s happening.
Water does not rush. It does not mind if you have a five-year plan in Notion.
It adjusts, reroutes, and adapts. No flailing. No drama.
It gets where it’s going without screaming into the void.
You ain’t here to battle gravity. You’re here to learn to flow.
Perhaps we can apply this to life as well. That’s what Bruce Lee once said, right? “Be Like The Water”.
Sounds nice, until you’re stuck behind someone going 12 mph in the fast lane, then it’s less Taoism and more rage induced enlightenment.
Do the Thing But Let Go of the Outcome
Hindu Karma: Arguably the most misunderstood concept in religious history.
It is not about someone stealing your parking space and then getting a flat tire.
That is merely wishful thinking. Karma is not cosmic payback. It’s action, not outcome.
Here’s how it works:
* You do the thing. Wholeheartedly. Perhaps with your whole heart.
* You release the grip on how it lands.
Because you can’t tell other individuals what to do with what you provide them.
* Write the article. Publish it. (Rinse and Repeat)
* Don’t stalk the statistics for six hours.
* Love someone. Mean it.
* Don’t twist yourself because they are not clapping loudly enough.
Show up. Let go. Move on.
It’s attachment to the outcome that just gets your head in a knot. Release it.
What You Praise, You Grow
There is something in Ubuntu (Southern African philosophy) which essentially states: We become ourselves through others.
What you strengthen in others and in yourself grows.
* Keep reminding your child that they’re “the smart one,” and they’ll be too afraid to attempt anything they’re terrible at.
* Keep praising effort over outcome, and they’re not afraid to fail.
* Tell yourself that you’re always behind and you’ll be behind. Because your brain takes notes.
The fancy term for this is “Neuroplasticity” (the brain’s ability to rewire itself based on repeated thoughts, behaviors, and beliefs). This becomes the foundation for what’s known as the growth mindset.
Bottom Line
* What you praise, you grow.
* What you repeat, you reinforce.
* What you pay attention to, in yourself and in others, becomes stronger. Because attention is fuel. Wherever it goes, energy flows
You Don’t Need An Opinion On Everything
Modern humans process five times as much information per day as we did in 1986.
We are overwhelmed with opinions.
Humans have opinions about relationships they are not in, about policies they never got to see, and the character of strangers based on a 12% context video clip.
Because the human brain is wired to complete incomplete stories.
Every time you give your opinion, it takes some of your energy, the energy you need to think clearly, stay calm, and take care of how you respond.
* It’s okay that you don’t care as much about every headline.
* It’s okay to say “I don’t know.”
* It’s also fine to just. not say anything. Revolutionary.
The Body Learns Quicker Than the Mind
You can read all the advice.
You can watch a thousand TikToks on how to “rewire your nervous system.”
But change doesn’t occur in your head. It happens in your daily activities. Because thinking about change is not the same as doing it.
* You’re not going to be disciplined by purchasing a planner. You’re going to be disciplined by doing the task when you don’t want to.
* You’re not another person because you wish. You’re another person because you behave like them until it’s second nature.
Your body is in charge. Your mind follows.
Repetition rewires faster than inspiration.
Written by Singh Bhai
I break down psychology, behavior, decision-making, and mental habits with insights you can actually use. Newsletter: https://theopenbook.substack.com/
Read short and uplifting articles here to help you shift your thought, so you can see real change in your life and health.
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10種所向披靡的魅力 -- Yana Bostongirl
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女性有此等魅力也讓人難以抵擋。作者的文風相當時髦和口語化；我並不全然了解每一句話。如果那位朋友讀起來有些吃力，正好借機會下點功夫上網查查，讓自己的英文趕上時代。
10 Green Flags Women Find Irresistible in Men
Plus, what are the deal breakers — the anti-hot traits that instantly kill the vibe
Yana Bostongirl, 06/14/25
1. The Kisses You Remember… and the Ones You Regret
I’ve had some memorable kissing experiences… and some that still trigger the gag reflex when the memory escapes the dark recesses of my brain.
Like the tongue probing that reminded me of a slimy slug. Or the breath that carried hints of boiled egg and onion with little bits of leftover food stuck in teeth.
I’m not saying the people were bad. They just had no idea that kissing is an art. And like any art, it requires skill and a basic level of preparedness, like basic oral hygiene.
Then there was the vacuum kiss. After a few awkward tries, we finally clicked — one moment I was talking and the next he just leaned into me and ‘sealed’ the kiss shut. Boom. Vacuum.
Apparently 80% of people never experience the air sucked bliss of being vacuumed because it usually happens by accident when air is sucked out of the mouth. Too bad, as can be addictive.
The first time my partner kissed me, it was electrifying, probably due to the intense chemistry. It felt so toe-tinglingly good that I couldn’t get enough of his kisses.
So what makes a guy irresistible to women other than being a good kisser? Here are the 9 things:
2. Kindness is still hot
Sometimes I feel like gallantry is dead — then you meet a wholesome guy who opens the door for you, holds your hand tight while crossing the road, and is genuinely polite to everyone, not just you. And suddenly, you realize manners aren’t dead after all. I still remember the first time my boyfriend asked for my consent to call me an endearing name — I was like, this is so cute! Everything is in the details.
3.Competence = Molten Desire
My boyfriend is an engineer who worked as an exec. The moment he rolls up his sleeves and reveals those strong forearms while working with tools or doing anything hands-on, it sparks a primal response. Who would’ve thought exposed forearms could be this sexy?
4. Emotional Maturity
I don’t need someone to pay my bills — I need a companion who’s emotionally mature enough to see that after being a strong woman all day, I need taking care of. I love being babied. Run me a bath, give me a massage, take me on a long drive. I let him be dominant, not because I can’t lead, but because I want to put my responsibilities down for a while and let someone else take over. Understanding that requires self-awareness and emotional stability is hot, period.
5. Sense of Humor
Who doesn’t love a sense of humor? In our relationship, I’m the comic relief. I like funny guys — but not to date. I love that my boyfriend’s the serious, a tough guy… but inside, he’s a soft, creamy jelly doughnut I love to nibble. Oh, and the fact that he smells amazing? Huge turn-on.
6. Genuine Listening
I’m used to guys zoning out when I bring out the big guns — aka emotions. The ones I dated before weren’t in touch with their feminine side or treated feelings like they were radioactive. For an emotional being like me, it’s a huge turn-off if my partner isn’t listening and meeting me halfway through all my emotions. Who said I’m not a handful?
7. Natural Confidence
Maybe it’s because I’m Indian American and familiar with both worlds, but I’ve had my fill of braggarts. I get that tooting your horn is part of social status in certain cultures, but doing so constantly and relentlessly? That’s just annoying and screams deep insecurity.
There’s something incredibly sexy about a guy who’s confident without having to flex.
8. I’m all for nerds — just not the ones emotionally stuck in kindergarten.
Passionate, joyful nerding out — I’ve only had that once, and it sealed our friendship, not a relationship. We laughed at everything, finished each other’s sentences, and gave impromptu high-fives. He brought out my inner child, which was a lot of fun. But I’m not looking for someone emotionally stuck in kindergarten.
9. Charisma
Some say it’s eyes that crinkle at the corners and a nice smile — who doesn’t love a smile? But for me, it’s the energy and actions that matter most. When energy, words, and actions don’t line up, that’s a red flag. It means they’re wearing a mask and telling you things they think you want to hear.
10. Animated convos
Giving a partner space to talk about their interests with excitement, without dumbing it down or being dismissive, is amazing. In my responsibility-laden life, family, blogging, and hiking bring me joy. I could go on and on about them, just like I listen to him go on about Solana or politics. That’s the point: making room for each other’s passions is necessary.
So, even though kissing might start the fire, it’s these 9 things that keep the warmth going. That, and maybe the smell of cinnamon toothpaste. It’s also true that for every man who melts your heart with a kiss or a kind gesture, there’s always one who leaves…a very different kind of impression.
Behold, the deal breakers:
* Brags about crypto but can’t find the light switch in a well-lit room: Great, you mined a coin but that doesn’t mean you know anything about female anatomy or what a woman needs — and no, porn teaches jacksh*t.
* Thinks using filthy language is a personality: Maybe some think it is. But a real man knows how to speak with decency and still make a point — no abuse required.
* Man spreading his way to a groin injury: Maybe it’s a peeve because I come from a patriarchal society where this screams dominance. My issue is when they do it on purpose, knees boldly invading neighboring territory as if it’s their birthright to take up all the space, or worse, when it’s a come-on. I mean, c’mon!
* Cries (alpha) wolf: Toxic people like slapping on labels like “alpha” to feel special or make up for some inadequacy. It’s cringy and a major turn-off.
* Main character syndrome: If you treat everyone else like background characters, we’ve got a problem. Basic kindness like “please” and “thank you” costs nothing, whether it’s the waitstaff or your own mom.
* You don’t need therapy, you need to chill. No, don’t tell me that. What you actually need is emotional literacy. Just because your culture doesn’t name the trauma doesn’t mean it isn’t real. We all carry something.
What’s your personal green or red flag in a relationship?
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增強閱讀記憶的七個方法 ---- Vincent Carlos
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本文附有照片和統計圖。可惜原網頁需訂閱才能進入，我又不知道如何複製；不過，我在網上查到相關資訊，請利用所附超連結。並請參考我的《讀後》(該欄第二篇)。
7 Strategies To Help You Remember 80% of Everything You Read
Honestly, each strategy by itself will help you remember at least 60% of everything you read.
Vincent Carlos, 03/03/24
Photo by Yiqun Tang on Unsplash 請至原網頁觀看照片
It happens all the time…
You read an amazing book such as Outlive by Peter Attia or Atomic Habits by James Clear. But then when you try to have a conversation about the book with someone, you can’t seem to remember anything about it.
It’s frustrating, right?
Of course, it is! You just spent a whole month reading this book and it turns out that what you thought was an investment in knowledge turned out to be mere entertainment. It feels like you just wasted all that time reading.
And the worst part?
It happens again and again and again.
You start to think that maybe you just have a bad memory. But let me just stop you right there because here’s the thing about memory: Forgetting most of what you read isn’t a character flaw. Instead, it’s the way you read books that’s flawed.
How do I know? I know because I used to feel the same way. I’d read a book, I’d claim it was one of the best books I ever read, and then I’d immediately forget what was in it. It sucked.
However, once I understood how memory works, everything changed for me.
Now…
* I can read a book and easily retain 80% of what was said in it.
* I can explain complex concepts during simple conversations.
* I can recall interesting ideas and include them in my writing.
Finally, I feel like reading is a true investment in my knowledge.
And if I can do it, you can do it too.
So if you want to stop forgetting everything you read, then here are 7 simple strategies that will help you remember at least 80% of everything you read:
1) Stop Allowing Yourself To Be Pulled Away
Have you ever heard of Nelson Dellis? Here’s a picture of him:
Source: Nelson Dellis’ Instagram 請至原網頁觀看照片
If you’ve never heard of him, Nelson Dellis is an absolute legend in the memory competitor world.
* He’s memorized 339 digits in five minutes.
* He’s memorized 217 names in fifteen minutes.
* He’s memorized an entire deck of cards in less than 30 seconds.
* He’s even won the USA Memory Championship a bunch of times and ranks very high globally.
So how did he do it? According to Nelson, it starts with the obvious: Pay attention!
Makes sense. I mean, how else are you supposed to remember something you read if you aren’t even paying attention to it in the first place?
That’s right, you’re not. So let me say it again just in case you weren’t paying attention the first time you read it: If you want to remember more of what you read, then you need to pay better attention.
Unfortunately, paying attention is a skill many of us struggle with.
Luckily, there are 2 tricks you can use to set your mind up so that you’re more likely to pay attention while you read:
1) Get rid of any distractions when you read. Put your phone in your pocket, close your laptop, and listen to lyricless music. Don’t try to pay attention half-assed. This means not singing along to music while you’re reading and not checking your phone every 2 minutes. Commit to paying attention to whatever it is you’re reading. It’s not that hard.
2) While you’re reading, constantly ask yourself the following question: “How can I use this in my life?” Asking yourself this question will help keep you focused on looking for those important lines in a book that are going to stick with you long-term.
9 times out of 10, you’ll find that these 2 tips will do the trick.
2) Pretend You’re Watching A Movie
Have you ever read an amazing book, but then afterwards, couldn’t remember anything about it?
If so, then here’s what you should do the next time you’re reading so this never happens to you again:
First, pay attention! Remember the previous idea?
Second, as you read, pretend you’re watching a movie. Essentially, try to visualize what’s happening in your mind. Obviously, you can’t visualize everything you’re reading, but you can envision the general idea of what’s being said.
Personally, when I’m reading a book, I like to imagine what I’m reading is being played out on a big movie theater screen and I’m in the audience sitting down just watching it all happen.
Why does this help? Because it turns out that our brains are far better equipped to remember certain types of information better than others.
According to memory research, visual images are a lot stickier to our brains than abstract stuff like random words. So whatever it is you’re reading, try to visualize it as if it were an actual memory of your own.
Yes, this method won’t guarantee that 100 percent of the details will stick in your brain, but you’ll have a significantly better chance of remembering what you read later on.
3) Handwrite (Don’t Type) Interesting Ideas You’ve Read
As humans, we’re terrible at retaining information. We forget almost all of the things we read about.
However, when we write things down, we’re far more likely to retain it.
This is exactly what Beethoven used to do when he composed music. In the book Managing Oneself, the founder of modern business management Peter Drucker says,
“Beethoven left behind an enormous number of sketchbooks, yet he said he never actually looked at them when he composed. Asked why he kept them, he is reported to have replied, “If I don’t write it down immediately, I forget it right away. If I put it into a sketchbook, I never forget it and I never have to look it up again.”
According to multiple studies, when you handwrite your notes, you retain more information.
Why? Because when you handwrite notes, you’re not going to write down every single word you read. Instead, you’re going to write down only the necessary words. This helps you differentiate between what’s important from what’s not important. This helps you synthesize the information better.
This is why whenever I learn about an interesting idea, I write it down immediately. I write it down so that I can better understand, internalize, and remember it better.
Even if you don’t ever re-read what it is you wrote down, the simple act of writing it down will increase your ability to retain information better.
4) Learn To Fully Interact With The Book
Reading is supposed to be an active process, not a passive one.
Therefore, if you’re reading a book and you’re not fully interacting with the material, then you’re going to naturally forget most of it.
So how do you learn to be an active reader? You can do this in many ways, but here are 4 strategies I highly recommend:
1. Underline or highlight important or memorable statements or passages.
2. Add symbols such as stars for key lines that are impactful to you or question marks to indicate lines you’re skeptical about or things you want to research further.
3. Write down any thoughts or questions you have in the margins of the pages.
4. After you read the entire book, go back and put sticky notes on the most important statements or passages in the book.
By doing these 4 things, you’ll be able to take the book off the shelf at any time and, by opening it to any page, refresh your memory of it.
Now, you may be hesitant to do this stuff because the idea of writing in a book scares you. But don’t be. Even if I had a book that was worth $1,000, I’d still do this.
Why? Because what’s important is not the book itself, but the ideas in the book. And it would be a reading sin to not get everything you can out of a book.
5) Apply What You’ve Read
I’m sad to say this, but when it comes to remembering what you read, highlighting and note taking is basically worthless.
Now, you’re probably thinking, “What? Didn’t you just talk about the importance of highlighting and taking notes in the previous section?”
Yes, but let me explain…
Highlighting in itself actually doesn’t help you retain information. The only benefit of highlighting is that it will alert you to what you should look at when you go back and re-read.
Because here’s the thing about human memory: We tend to remember things that we use.
So if you read a book on health, the way you’re going to remember what you read is by changing how you approach your health.
If you read a health book and you highlight a bunch of passages, but you don’t change how you eat, work out, or sleep, then you’re not going to remember anything.
Therefore, if you don’t find ways to implement the ideas you read into your life in some way, then you aren’t going to remember them.
As a result, you’re going to have this constant feeling of like “Wow, I read all these books and I have no idea what’s in them.”
Yeah, because you didn’t do anything actionable afterwards!
6) Teach Someone Else What You’ve Read
Imagine you had a bucket, and every time you tried to fill that bucket with water, 90% of it leaked out.
If this was happening to you, would you keep on filling the bucket or would you fix the leaks?
You’d most likely fix the leaks.
Unfortunately, when it comes to learning, people just keep on filling their bucket and never think about the leaks.
Because of this, almost everybody wastes 90% of their learning simply because they don’t understand what’s known as “The Learning Pyramid.”
請至原網頁觀看「學習金字塔」統計/示意圖(並請參閱此處和此處)
Essentially, the Learning Pyramid says that you’ll retain 90% of the information you read about if you simply decide to teach it to someone else.
Why? Because similarly to handwriting notes you find interesting, when you try to teach something you’ve read, you’re not going to be using the author’s words verbatim. Instead, you’re going to be using your own words. This forces your brain to learn the information better.
So the next time you read an interesting idea, make an effort to share it with someone else. Simply ask a family member or a friend, “Hey real quick, can I share an interesting idea from this book I’m reading?” And for 2–3 minutes, talk about what you just read.
Remember, a concept is never just learned through reading. Reading only has a 10% retention rate. That’s terrible. This is why concepts need to be talked about in order for them to actually be retained.
7) I Can’t Say The Following Enough: Review Review Review
There are some people who can read a book once and retain every single piece of information in that book perfectly. But, for 99% of us, the majority of information we read in a book will be easily forgotten.
This is what’s known as “The Forgetting Curve,” which states: We forget almost every newly acquired piece of information within the first 24 hours.
Exactly how much you forget in the first 24 hours is different for each person.
But here’s the thing…
Unless you review the information you just learned, much of it will slip out of your brain after the first day, with more slipping out in the days after, leaving you with just a fraction of what you originally learned.
The Forgetting Curve 請至原網頁觀看「記憶衰退曲線」統計/示意圖(並請參閱此處和此處)
This is interesting because when we read a book, we feel like we’re retaining what we’re reading. The information is flowing in, we’re understanding it, and it’s all piecing together, but it actually doesn’t stick in our heads unless we review what we actually read.
Unfortunately, there’s no way around this. You have to review. But what type of review should you be doing?
It’s called spaced repetition review!
Essentially, you review what you’ve learned at regular intervals after you learn something.
There are many strategies you can use to do this, but the one strategy that I recommend you use is what’s known as “The Rule of 5.”
The Rule of 5 says that after you learn something you want to remember long-term, you should ideally review the piece of information you’re trying to memorize at the following intervals:
* 5 times the first day.
* Once a day for 5 days.
* Once a week for 5 weeks.
Then after that, you’re good to go!
Remember, information only gets reinforced into your long-term memory by reviewing it. So if you don’t regularly review what you’ve learned, then you have a high chance of easily forgetting it.
However, by using The Rule of 5, you can easily retain any piece of information you read in a book for the rest of your life.
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Written by Vincent Carlos @ vincentcarlos.substack.com
Published in Books Are Our Superpower
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