A Cow Without Horns   沒有角的牛

"Mister, why doesn't this cow have any horns?"

 asked the young lady from a city.

都市來的年輕女子問說：「先生，這頭牛為什麼沒有角？」

The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone,

 "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns.

 Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw.

 But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a horse."

農夫不屑的轉過頭，然後耐著性子說：

「小姐，長了角的牛可能造成很大破壞，我們有時候必須把牛角鋸掉。

不過，這隻牛沒長角，是因為它是馬。」

Short Essay   短文

A literature class in a high school was required to write an essay

 in as few words as possible and the instructions were

 that it had to discuss Religion,Sexuality and Mystery.

一所高中的文學課老師要學生寫作文，

規定要提到宗教、性、秘密，而且文章愈短愈好。

A girl was the only one who received an A+

and this is what she wrote:

只有一個女生拿到A+，她寫的內容是：

"Good God, I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"

「天啊，我懷孕了。是誰的種？」

Reward報酬

A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping.

 It was found by a little boy and returned to her.

 Looking in her purse, she commented, "That's funny.

 When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills."

一名婦女採購聖誕節禮物時忙中有錯，遺失手提袋。

一名男孩撿到袋子還給她。婦女打開袋子，邊翻錢包邊說：

「奇怪，裡面本來有一張20元鈔票，現在變成20張一元鈔票。」

The boy replied, "That's right, lady.

 The last time I found a lady's purse,

 she didn't have any change for a reward."

男孩回答：「你沒有記錯。上次我撿到錢包，那個阿姨沒有零錢賞給我。」

上班遲到

One winter morning,

an employee explained why he had shown up for work 50 minutes late.

 "It was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two."

某個冬天早上，一名員工遲到50分鐘，

他向老闆解釋：「路面太滑了，我往前走一步，反而倒退兩步。」

The boss eyed him suspiciously. "Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?"

老闆心存懷疑，問說：「是嗎，那你怎麼有辦法來到公司？」

"I finally gave up," he said, "and started for home."

員工回答：「我最後放棄上班，轉頭回家。」

買馬

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.

He watched as his father

 ran his hands up and down the horses' legs, rump, and chest.  

小強尼跟父親去馬匹拍賣會。

他看到父親摸各匹馬的大腿、臀部和胸部。

Johnny asked, "Pop, why are you doing that?"

強尼問：「爸，你為什麼要這樣做」

"Because I'm thinking of buying these horses."

父親回答：「因為我想買馬。」

"We'd better hurry home. The UPS man stopped by yesterday,

 and I think he wants to buy Mom."

強尼說：

「我們趕快回去。昨天有快遞員到我們家，我認為他想買媽媽。」

Fairy Tale童話故事

Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "

do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'?"

小女孩問父親：

「爹地，每個童話故事一開始都是說『從前從前』嗎？」

"No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected.'"

父親回答：「寶貝，不見得。有的故事開頭說，『如果我當選』。」

<笑話譯籮筐>Getting Married結婚

George burst into the living room and said, "

Dad!Mom! I have some great news!

 I am getting married to Susan, who lives a block away."

喬治衝進起居室大嚷：

「爸，媽，天大好消息！我要和住在一條街外的蘇珊結婚。」

After dinner, George's dad took him aside and said,"Son,

 I used to fool around with women a lot.

Susan is actually your half sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her."

晚飯後，喬治的父親把他叫到一旁，然後說：

「兒子，我以前經常拈花惹草。

蘇珊其實是你同父異母的妹妹，你不能娶她。」

George was brokenhearted. But his mother said,"

Don't pay any attention to what he says. He's not really your father."

喬治聽了傷心不已。可是他母親說：

「別理你爸的話。他其實不是你的生父。」