Another Drink再來一杯

When asked by the host if she would like another drink,

the blonde answered,

"No thank you. My husband limits me to one drink."

主人問做客的金髮女子要不要再斟一杯酒，

女子回答：「謝謝，不用了。我先生只准我喝一杯。」

"Why is that," the host asked?

主人問：「為什麼？」

"Because after one drink I can feel it; after two drinks... anyone can!"

因為喝了一杯之後，我自己感覺有酒意。

如果喝兩杯，大家都感覺得到。」

註: 文章摘自世界日報

The Banker 銀行家 

A young banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit.

 So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit.

一名年輕的銀行家認為自己應該擁有個人第一套訂製西裝，

因此到市內最好的裁縫店量尺寸。

A week later he went in for his first fitting.

To his surprise he noticed that there were no pockets.

一星期後，他到店裡試穿。西裝沒有口袋，讓他大吃一驚。

The tailor said,

 "Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?"

裁縫解釋說：「我沒聽過銀行家會掏錢幫別人。」

Not Strange At All 根本不奇怪

A teacher was trying to get his seventh-grade history class

 to understand how the Indians must have felt

 when they first encountered the Spanish explorers.

老師上七年級的歷史課，

試著讓學生體會印第安人第一次遇到西班牙探險者的感覺。

"How would you feel if someone showed up on your doorstep

 who looked very different, spoke a strange language?

 Wouldn't you be a bit scared?"

「如果有人出現在你家門口，他長相不一樣，說的話很奇怪，你會不會害怕？」

"No," one boy answered, "I'd just figure it was my sister's date."

一名男生回答：「不會。我會認為他是我姊姊的約會對象。」

註: 文章摘自世界日報，圖片摘自網路

Great Inventions了不起的發明

A college student challenged a senior citizen,

saying, "It is impossible for your generation to understand my generation.

 You grew up in a different world.

 Today we have internet, cell phones, space travel..."

一個大學生向一個老翁挑釁，

他說：「你們這一代根本無法了解我們這一代。

你們的世界什麼都沒有，而我們有網路、手機、太空旅行... 」

The old man said, "You are right.

 We didn't have those things when we were young; so we invented them!"

老人家回應：「你說得沒錯。

我們年輕時沒有這些東西，所以我們發明它們！」

The Ten Commandments十誡

God offered his tablet of commandments to the world.

He first approached the Italians. "What commandments do you offer?"

 they said. He answered, "Thou shalt not murder." They answered,

 "Sorry, we are not interested."

上帝向世人提供刻有誡律的石板，先找上義大利人。

義大利人問：「有什麼誡律？」上帝回答：「不可殺人。」

義大利人說：「抱歉，我們沒興趣。」

Next he offered it to the Jews. "How much?" they asked. "It's free,"

 he answered. "We'll take ten!"

上帝接著找猶太人。猶太人問：「多少錢？」上帝回答：「不用錢。」

猶太人說：「我們要十個！」

註: 文章摘自世界日報

It’s the Same一樣

Little Johnny’s teacher said,

 “Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister’s.

 Did you copy hers?”

強尼的老師問：

「強尼，你寫的《我家的狗》作文和你姊姊的一模一樣，是不是抄的？」

Johnny replied, “No, teacher, it’s the same dog!”

強尼回答：「沒有啊，我們寫的是同一隻狗。」

Do a Better Job做得比較好

A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap

 and studying the wrinkles on his old face.

 Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?"

小女孩坐在祖父大腿上，她端詳老人家臉上的皺紋老半天，

最後問：「爺爺，你是上帝造的嗎？」

"He did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.

祖父回答：「是啊，寶貝，很久以前。」

"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.

小女孩又問：「那我是上帝造的嗎？」

"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.

祖父回答：「沒錯，幾年前才造的。」

"He's sure doing a lot better job these days, isn't He?"

 says the little girl.

小女孩說：「祂現在技術比較好，對不對？」

註: 圖片摘自網路，文章摘自世界日報

It's Your Fault  你的錯

A teacher is droning away in the classroom

 when he notices a student sleeping way up in the back row.

老師以呆板聲調授課，突然發現教室後排有個學生睡著了。

The teacher shouts to the sleeping student's neighbor,

 "Wake that student up!" The neighbor yells back,

 "You put him to sleep, you wake him up!"

老師向瞌睡學生的鄰座同學喊道：

Break the Curse 破解詛咒

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him:

 if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

一名老翁找巫師，問巫師能否幫忙破解糾纏他長達40年的詛咒。

The Wizard says,

 "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words

 that were used to put the curse on you."

巫師說：「大概可以，但是你要一字不漏告訴我，當初下咒者說的咒語。」

The old man says without hesitation -- "I now pronounce you man and wife."

老翁毫不遲疑的回答：「我現在宣布你們成為夫妻。」