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西方人眼中的哥本哈根(詼諧筆體)
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小米^^
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作者:Mark Lynas,英國自由撰稿人

翻譯:紅霄帳底

老子tmd怎麼知道哥本哈根鬧劇崩盤都是土共的錯?老子就在現場!

大多數人都同意,哥本哈根鬧劇就tmd是個悲劇。但是這個悲劇的真實模樣,眼下正有迷失在扯淡和口水戰中的危險。事實上,是罪惡的土共讓鬧劇悲劇了,萬惡的土共不但有意讓奧黑丟人現眼,而且還堅持扯淡無極限的所謂“交易”,好把責任推到西方統領們頭上。哥為啥知道真相?因為哥就在現場親眼見證了悲劇的誕生。

土共的戰略很簡單:首先阻滯公開協商兩周,然後在秘密會談中制造一副西方再次黑了世界上三分之二的廣大窮苦人民的假象。顯然,援助中介、社會活動組織以及環保人士都上了土共的當。這次悲劇被一再描繪成所謂“由於富國拒絕承擔他們對全球環境問題所應付的主要責任,所以不可避免地失敗了。”(不明真相的“基督徒援助組織”語)。而憤怒又不明真相的國際地球之友組織則聲稱“操!黃世仁又欺負楊白勞了。”

這一切都是預料中的陳詞濫調,但是它們與事實嚴重不符。就連昨天在衛報上爬格子的George Monbiot同學也上當受騙了。丫把一切責任都推到奧黑頭上。但是哥分明親眼見證了奧黑發動班載沖鋒,絕望地試圖挽救一項協議,但是丫很不幸地遇到了來自中國代表團不斷重複的一個簡單單詞:NO!!! Monbiot同學甚至還贊許地引述蘇丹代表Lumumba Di-Aping同學的話,後者宣稱哥本哈根協定是“自殺協定,燃燒協定,好維持某幾個國家在全球經濟中的統治地位。”

蘇丹在這次鬧劇上壓根就是土共門前一條狗,蹲在土共家門口,還是土共指誰就咬誰,讓咬幾口就幾口的那種。在第一階段的公開協商中,土共自己躲在幕後,放出這幫豢養的狗腿子們在明面上打頭陣。這tmd還真是土共的好算計:自己在後臺遙控指揮,而讓這幫狗腿子們在舞臺上對協議大肆攻擊。

上周五晚間(按:12月18日)24國統領們關起門來扯淡。在這次口水大會上,奧黑的座位在約翰表兄家的統領布朗和埃塞俄比亞黑兄弟們的統領Meles Zenawi之間。丹麥統領作為主席,右手邊是高麗棒子潘基文。包括各大統領在內,出席會議的大概只有50~60人。哥當時是某國代表團的隨員,基本整個會議過程中該國統領都列席了。

哥所見真是令人震驚。土共國相溫完全不給面子,自己沒出席不說,還在土共外交部裏找了個次級官員坐在奧黑對面,囂張的潛臺詞明擺著:老子就tmd不陪你們玩你們打算咋的吧?更令人發指的是,在會談中各大統領還不得不經常性地暫停會議進程,因為中國代表團的小角色們常常聲稱要去“請示上級”,然後暫時退席。

轉移責任

哥想告訴那些譴責奧黑和富裕國家的糞青們,發達國家此前已經吐血大清倉跳樓大甩賣提出至2050年減排80%的目標,而正是中國代表堅持把這一目標踢出協定。漢斯統領龍騎兵的優秀代表墨大嫂當即怒吼:“操!老娘為啥不能提自家的目標?”袋鼠統領陸克文則在一邊鬱悶地用手雷敲桌子(譯者按:嗯,當年赫魯曉夫用皮鞋敲桌子,前幾年土共代表用名牌敲桌子,那都是啥啥啥的象征……)。巴西代表嚴正指出土共你丫的立場完全沒有邏輯性:為啥發達國家甚至不能提單方面減排目標?萬惡的土共代表只說了一個“No”,然後我驚駭地發現墨大嫂絕望地被迫對土共讓步。現在我們知道為啥土共如此有恃無恐:因為土共押寶奧黑將為協議沒有內涵背黑鍋——他們賭對了。

在阿三不時的支援下,土共一個接一個地踢掉了所有相關指標。原來所謂全球碳排放將在2020年達到頂峰,屆時控制氣溫升高在2度的條文被徹底抹掉,換成了不鹹不淡的“盡快使全球碳排放到達峰值”。至於2050年全球碳排放減半的長期目標也被土共拖出午門砍了。大概除了三哥和沙特那幫不pussy的富翁們,沒有人對這一結果感到喜聞樂見。哥敢肯定如果土共不在場,我們本可以達成一項讓全世界所有人開香檳慶祝的協定(譯者按:俺也不知道,怎麼給廣大的亞非拉第三世界受苦受難的人民分香檳,對於很多人來說,大概還要解釋香檳是tmd什麼個玩意兒。)

堅定立場

土共是如何大獲全勝的?首先,土共的立場非常堅定。萬惡的土共根本不需要一項交易。一位發展中國家的外長私下對我這樣形容:“雅典人和斯巴達人之間沒啥好談的。”另一方面,西方國家統領——以及小弟桑巴國統領盧拉、鑽石國統領祖瑪、玉米國統領卡爾德隆等——則不顧一切地希望在哥本哈根鬧劇中獲得收獲。或許奧黑比任何人都需要一份強有力的協定。pussy價值的明燈偉大的米粒尖合眾國已經確認將對發展中國家提供1000億美元的慷慨援助(譯者按:看什麼看,夠大家買棺材了吧?)用於實施減排。此外,偉大的米粒尖合眾國還首次嚴正聲明減排(2020年在2005年基礎上減排17%),且顯然准備提高這一份額。

但是,在此之前,奧黑必須說服米粒尖合眾國元老院丫能把土共塞進一個全球氣候規章框架中去,這樣才能往那些嚷嚷著美國減少碳排將進一步促進土共工業發展的保守派元老們的嘴裏塞抹布。鑒於中期選舉在即,奧黑和參謀們知道哥本哈根鬧劇會或許將是他們唯一一次能在國會多數支持下進行的氣候談判(按:一般規律,中期選舉中執政黨將失去參議院也即元老院的多數席位)。這一點無疑加強了土共在會談中的優勢地位。不言自明,這是因為土共和阿三國內都沒有政治壓力。根據操蛋的慣例,操蛋的競選集團永遠不會將會談失敗的責任歸結到發展中國家頭上。尤其是三哥,丫居然在我們這個行星自殺的問題上就“公正”這個詞的解釋玩起了文字遊戲(所謂“在大氣層有平等權力”),更別提三哥國內的左翼競選勢力和評論家們還在不遺餘力地提供炮彈。

在統領談判的最後,各國和萬惡的土共代表團展開了最後的大決戰。萬惡的土共堅持抹掉1.5攝氏度的升溫上限,這個上限無疑受到小島國和低地國家們的歡迎——海平面上漲對他們威脅最大。小弟馬爾代夫總統納希德同學在前日不落帝國現任統領布朗同學的支持下,向土共發動了勇敢的攻擊,試圖保留這一數字。納希德同學悲憤地問道:“我說你咋能讓我們無路可走?”這次攻擊看起來倒的確像對萬惡的土共造成了影響,從而留下了這個數字。但是最後的文字使得這一保留毫無意義。然後,鐵板釘釘了。

土共的意圖

這一切都引發了一個問題:tmd土共到底想幹什麼?為嘛萬惡的土鱉如在場的前日不落帝國磚家所形容的那樣“不但自己拒絕提出目標,還不讓其他國家提各自的目標”?這位已經有參與氣候會議經驗15年豐富經驗的磚家認為土共的目的在於削弱氣候規章體制,“從而避免這一體制在未來幾年內更加有力”。

這倒不是說土共對全球變暖漠不關心。土共的風力發電和太陽能發電工業都挺強。但是另一方面,土共的經濟增長、以及其在世界範圍內日益增長的政治經濟地位,在很大程度上都依賴於便宜的煤炭。土共心知肚明如今丫已經成長為一個無可爭議的霸權,本次哥本哈根鬧劇上丫的驚人表現就是丫實力的明證。丫以煤炭為基礎的經濟以每十年兩倍的高速發展,同時丫的實力也在同步發展。除非絕對必要,丫的統領們絕不會放棄這一魔術般的方式。

哥本哈根鬧劇比一個單純的爛交易更為糟糕,因為這次鬧劇宣布了世界地緣政治形勢的一次巨大變化(譯者按:這可真是老牌帝國主義對於昔日榮光不複的哀鳴)。如今,21世紀正迅速變成土共的世紀,丫的統領們則表示關於環境的多邊管理不僅是一種優先權,更被視為對這一新興霸權自由行動的阻礙。離開哥本哈根時,哥比以往更為沮喪。被所有希望和鼓動卷起的樂觀和希望的巨浪,在迎頭撞上了世界政治現實的巨石之後,退潮枯竭了。
聚精会神搞建设,一心一意谋发展。

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我倒觉得不像是伪作
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中州楚佩
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小米^^

确实颇有一批人喜欢假借外国人的口吻写自己的观点,但都是千方百计掩盖行文中的中国特色。像这种明目张胆的纯国产语气,反倒不会是那种伪作,更可能是某中英文俱佳的中国人翻译而成。

向其中“土共” “统领” “玉米国” “汉斯国” “三哥”等等词汇 带有鲜明的超大风格,搞笑啊~~
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引用網址:https://city.udn.com/forum/trackback.jsp?no=64086&aid=3800136
How do I know China wrecked the Copenhagen deal? I was in the room
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changfeng08
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小米^^

(原文)

How do I know China wrecked the Copenhagen deal? I was in the room

 

Copenhagen was a disaster. That much is agreed. But the truth about what actually happened is in danger of being lost amid the spin and inevitable mutual recriminations. The truth is this: China wrecked the talks, intentionally humiliated Barack Obama, and insisted on an awful "deal" so western leaders would walk away carrying the blame. How do I know this? Because I was in the room and saw it happen

China's strategy was simple: block the open negotiations for two weeks, and then ensure that the closed-door deal made it look as if the west had failed the world's poor once again. And sure enough, the aid agencies, civil society movements and environmental groups all took the bait. The failure was "the inevitable result of rich countries refusing adequately and fairly to shoulder their overwhelming responsibility", said Christian Aid. "Rich countries have bullied developing nations," fumed Friends of the Earth International.

All very predictable, but the complete opposite of the truth. Even George Monbiot, writing in yesterday's Guardian, made the mistake of singly blaming Obama. But I saw Obama fighting desperately to salvage a deal, and the Chinese delegate saying "no", over and over again. Monbiot even approvingly quoted the Sudanese delegate Lumumba Di-Aping, who denounced the Copenhagen accord as "a suicide pact, an incineration pact, in order to maintain the economic dominance of a few countries".

Sudan behaves at the talks as a puppet of China;


one of a number of countries that relieves the Chinese delegation of having to fight its battles in open sessions. It was a perfect stitch-up. China gutted the deal behind the scenes, and then left its proxies to savage it in public.

Here's what actually went on late last Friday night, as heads of state from two dozen countries met behind closed doors. Obama was at the table for several hours, sitting between Gordon Brown and the Ethiopian prime minister, Meles Zenawi. The Danish prime minister chaired, and on his right sat Ban Ki-moon, secretary-general of the UN. Probably only about 50 or 60 people, including the heads of state, were in the room. I was attached to one of the delegations, whose head of state was also present for most of the time.

What I saw was profoundly shocking. The Chinese premier, Wen Jinbao, did not deign to attend the meetings personally, instead sending a second-tier official in the country's foreign ministry to sit opposite Obama himself. The diplomatic snub was obvious and brutal, as was the practical implication: several times during the session, the world's most powerful heads of state were forced to wait around as the Chinese delegate went off to make telephone calls to his "superiors".

Shifting the blame

To those who would blame Obama and rich countries in general, know this: it was China's representative who insisted that industrialised country targets, previously agreed as an 80% cut by 2050, be taken out of the deal.
"Why can't we even mention our own targets?" demanded a furious Angela Merkel. Australia's prime minister, Kevin Rudd, was annoyed enough to bang his microphone. Brazil's representative too pointed out the illogicality of China's position. Why should rich countries not announce even this unilateral cut?

The Chinese delegate said no, and I watched, aghast, as Merkel threw up her hands in despair and conceded the point. Now we know why – because China bet, correctly, that Obama would get the blame for the Copenhagen accord's lack of ambition.

China, backed at times by India, then proceeded to take out all the numbers that mattered. A 2020 peaking year in global emissions, essential to restrain temperatures to 2C, was removed and replaced by woolly language suggesting that emissions should peak "as soon as possible". The long-term target, of global 50% cuts by 2050, was also excised. No one else, perhaps with the exceptions of India and Saudi Arabia, wanted this to happen. I am certain that had the Chinese not been in the room, we would have left Copenhagen with a deal that had environmentalists popping champagne corks popping in every corner of the world.

Strong position

So how did China manage to pull off this coup? First, it was in an extremely strong negotiating position. China didn't need a deal. As one developing country foreign minister said to me: "The Athenians had nothing to offer to the Spartans." On the other hand, western leaders in particular – but also presidents Lula of Brazil, Zuma of South Africa, Calderón of Mexico and many others – were desperate for a positive outcome. Obama needed a strong deal perhaps more than anyone. The US had confirmed the offer of $100bn to developing countries for adaptation, put serious cuts on the table for the first time (17% below 2005 levels by 2020), and was obviously prepared to up its offer.

Above all, Obama needed to be able to demonstrate to the Senate that he could deliver China in any global climate regulation framework, so conservative senators could not argue that US carbon cuts would further advantage Chinese industry. With midterm elections looming, Obama and his staff also knew that Copenhagen would be probably their only opportunity to go to climate change talks with a strong mandate. This further strengthened China's negotiating hand, as did the complete lack of civil society political pressure on either China or India. Campaign groups never blame developing countries for failure; this is an iron rule that is never broken. The Indians, in particular, have become past masters at co-opting the language of equity ("equal rights to the atmosphere") in the service of planetary suicide – and leftish campaigners and commentators are hoist with their own petard.

With the deal gutted, the heads of state session concluded with a final battle as the Chinese delegate insisted on removing the 1.5C target so beloved of the small island states and low-lying nations who have most to lose from rising seas. President Nasheed of the Maldives, supported by Brown, fought valiantly to save this crucial number. "How can you ask my country to go extinct?" demanded Nasheed. The Chinese delegate feigned great offence – and the number stayed, but surrounded by language which makes it all but meaningless. The deed was done.

China's game

All this raises the question: what is China's game?
Why did China, in the words of a UK-based analyst who also spent hours in heads of state meetings, "not only reject targets for itself, but also refuse to allow any other country to take on binding targets?"

The analyst, who has attended climate conferences for more than 15 years, concludes that China wants to weaken the climate regulation regime now "in order to avoid the risk that it might be called on to be more ambitious in a few years' time".

This does not mean China is not serious about global warming. It is strong in both the wind and solar industries. But China's growth, and growing global political and economic dominance, is based largely on cheap coal. China knows it is becoming an uncontested superpower; indeed its newfound muscular confidence was on striking display in Copenhagen. Its coal-based economy doubles every decade, and its power increases commensurately. Its leadership will not alter this magic formula unless they absolutely have to.

Copenhagen was much worse than just another bad deal, because it illustrated a profound shift in global geopolitics. This is fast becoming China's century, yet its leadership has displayed that multilateral environmental governance is not only not a priority, but is viewed as a hindrance to the new superpower's freedom of action. I left Copenhagen more despondent than I have felt in a long time. After all the hope and all the hype, the mobilisation of thousands, a wave of optimism crashed against the rock of global power politics, fell back, and drained away.

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引用網址:https://city.udn.com/forum/trackback.jsp?no=64086&aid=3799948
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veragai
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这种遣词造句,明显是大陆网友,还是天天泡各种论坛那种网友写的。说不上酸,就是个调侃,一口一个“土共”有大陆人家喜欢叫孩子“狗蛋”一样的亲昵感。
这种用网络术语或者将ZF或各个国家之间的博弈写成拟人式交往的翻译最近在大陆很流行,您如果感兴趣的话我还可以找几篇来。不过可能那对不熟悉他们文风的人来说就是十足的火星文了。

我去找了一下,主贴内容的英文原文如下
http://www.marklynas.org/2009/12/23/how-do-i-know-china-wrecked-the-copenhagen-deal-i-was-in-the-room

现在唯一的问题只是一个自由撰稿人的说法有多少可信度,毕竟大家都知道西方国家的所谓环保分子很多都是自己污染完了又逼着别人环保的那种站在道德制高点上损人利己的主。
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引用網址:https://city.udn.com/forum/trackback.jsp?no=64086&aid=3788711
功力甚深
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lenganshih
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小米^^

經典之作!幾句詼諧詞就能拼湊出峰會的全貌與過程!
功力甚深。
但語意酸中,口氣不對,應為華僑之手,
因為中國人的愛國心是不會如此語酸或嘲諷自己國家的成如此的。
且這篇文章背後的含意,感覺有強烈嘲諷控訴中國的意味,
這篇文章如果投書到新華網的各論壇,
應該會被封殺。

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这丫翻译的不错
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malibig
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呵呵,虽然有点糙,但是读起来很爽
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这翻译是在太彪悍了 ^_^
    回應給: 養源齋(aaron02122003) 推薦0


deutschina
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麻烦问问,能否给个英文链接我看看

这翻译是在太彪悍了 ^_^


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引用網址:https://city.udn.com/forum/trackback.jsp?no=64086&aid=3779576
大陆小鬼的创作
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carpster
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一篇很搞笑的文字,号称是翻译,实则是大陆小鬼的创作。
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引用網址:https://city.udn.com/forum/trackback.jsp?no=64086&aid=3779573