1.        Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.

不要追根究底, 不要講大道理, 不要緊追不捨, 不要苦苦哀求, 不要乞討, 不要祈求。

2.        No frequent phone calls.

不要時常打電話給他。

3.        Do not point out good points in marriage.

不要指出兩人婚姻中的優點。

4.        Do not follow him around the house.

 在家裡不要跟著他寸步不離。

5.        Do not encourage talk about the future.

不要鼓勵談論有關兩人未來的話題。

6.        Do not ask for help from family members.

不要求家人幫你處理感情上的問題。

7.        Do not ask for reassurances.

不要要求他給你保證。

8.        Do not buy gifts.

 不要買禮物給他。

9.        Do not schedule dates together.

 不要安排跟他一起相處的時間或約會。

10.      Do not spy on spouse.

不要暗中調查他。

11.      Do not say "I Love You".

不要對他說"我愛你" 。 

12.      Act as if you are moving on with your life.

裝著好像您要開始過您自己的生活。

13.      Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive.

讓自己快樂, 堅強, 外向, 及充滿吸引力。 

14.      Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc.

不要每天坐在那裡等他- 讓自己變得很忙, 去做自己想做的事, 像是去參加教會活動, 或是和朋友出去等等。

15.      When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words.

當你和他在家的時候, (如果通常是由你先開始交談) 盡力減短談話內容及時間。

16.      If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his whereabouts, ASK NOTHING.

  如果您有問他行蹤的習慣, 就此停止不再過問。

17.      You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse.

您要讓他認為, 您已經想通了, 已經覺醒了, 並且你也已經決定了, 你以後的生活, 不管有沒有他, 你都要開始過你要過的生活。

18.      Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what he will be missing.

不使壞, 不發怒, 不冷戰 - 站在一旁靜靜的等待, 看他會不會發覺你的改變, 更加重要的是, 他會不會體會到他的生活將會失去神什麼。

19.      No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment.  Show him someone he would want to be around.

不管你今天的心情如何, 只能展示你的快樂和自得給他看。  讓自己變成他會想和你在一起的人。

20.      All questions about marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while).

現階段不要與他討論所有有關於婚姻的問題, 直到他自己想要談論它為止 (可能是要等很長的一段時間) 。

21.      Never lose your cool.

千萬不要失去你的冷靜。

22.      Don't be overly enthusiastic.

不要過度熱心。

23.      Do not argue about how he feels (it only makes their feelings stronger).

 不要和他爭辨他的感受 (這樣只會加強他們互相的感覺) 。

24.      Be patient.

要有耐心。

25.      Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you.

 仔細地聽他到底真正的對你說什麼。

26.      Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out.

當你要開始唾口而出, 發表自己高見的時候, 請學著退讓, 閉嘴, 然後走開。

27.      Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil).

 好好照顧你自己 (健身, 睡覺, 開懷大笑, 把你的生活重心放在好的那一部分) 。 

28.      Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly.

要堅強, 有自信, 並且學會輕聲細語的說話。

29.      Know that if you can do 180, your smallest CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write.

要知道如果你能做的到這180度的大轉變, 你最小的持續以恆的改變,  將會比你說的任何話或你所寫的任何書信更能引起他的注意。

30.      Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy.

既使當你受到更多的傷害且即需關注及關愛時, 千萬不要公開呈現你的需求。

31.      Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.

和他交談時, 切記不要把重心放在你自己身上。

32.      Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see.  Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because he is hurting and scared.

不要相信任何外面聽來的話, 並且對於你看見的, 不要相信超過於50%。  你的另一半會用最壞的語氣和你說最壞的事, 不為什麼, 只因為其實他現在很痛苦且很害怕。

33.      Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.

無論事情有多艱難或是你有多難受, 千萬不要放棄。

Do not backslide from your hard-earned changes.