文武官的差別 - 心之界

		心之界
		市長：bell 　副市長： linfeng 、Rebec
		加入本城市｜推薦本城市｜加入我的最愛｜訂閱最新文章

udn／城市／人文藝術／其他／【心之界】城市／討論區／

你還沒有登入喔( 馬上登入/ 加入會員)

本城市首頁

討論區

精華區

投票區

影像館

推薦連結

公告區

訪客簿

市政中心 (0)


討論區／開懷篇	字體：小中大

看回應文章

文武官的差別
瀏覽1,910｜回應10｜推薦11


	bell 等級：8 留言｜加入好友

	文章推薦人 (11)
	☆Princess蕾蕾☆ linfeng 閃電狼 Jove 疆境瑞澤 Aryling Julia小喵 Molly Lee 狂老胡說八道 more...

電郵轉貼

有一日，皇帝在上早朝時大大的嘆了一口氣，這時文武百官各站兩排
文官馬上出來作了個揖，問道：

?皇上萬歲萬萬歲～不知皇上嘆氣思索何事？可否讓小的替皇上分擔分擔些？？?

　皇帝皺了一個眉頭，說著：

?唉..就是作了一個夢...

?夢？?

　文官瞪大了眼睛，皇帝撇了一眼，吞吞吐吐的說道：

?就是...母后放了個屁，然後被強姦了...你想我能不煩惱嗎？?

　文官一聽，馬上兩手一拂，跪在地上嚷著：

?恭喜皇上～賀喜皇上～！！！

　皇帝百思不得其解，問著：

?母后放屁被強姦竟要恭喜我？?

?皇上有所不知，這可是吉夢阿～！！

?吉夢?

　文官起身，解釋道：

?皇后放屁，她的屁將在皇上的領土飄散，並保護著人民，而皇后被強姦，
則是代表著後代子孫將綿延下去～

　皇帝聽了可樂了，看到在一旁被落寞的武官，問道：

?愛卿不妨也來說說看我的夢吧～

?啥？這個..俺沒有讀過書呢....

?沒關係，說說看吧～

　武官捎了捎腦袋，小聲的說著：

?這...俺是想到了兩句能解釋皇上的夢..但是又怕皇上會動怒...

?無妨！！只是個夢罷了～

　武官只好硬著頭皮說了出來：

?皇后放屁嘛...那就是放你媽個屁..

?什麼？？無妨！！繼續說！！！

　皇帝的臉上已經冒出了幾條青筋，但是武官被皇帝這麼一逼，也只好
繼續說了

?這個嘛...皇后被強姦..那就是操你媽個B...

?說的好～來人啊～！！把他拖出去斬了！！！

　由此，可看出讀書的重要性...

還不快去讀書

本文於修改第 1 次

引用網址：https://city.udn.com/forum/trackback.jsp?no=50370&aid=1454486

　回應文章

humble
	推薦2


	稻柏臨等級：8 留言｜加入好友

	文章推薦人 (2)
	☆Princess蕾蕾☆ Rebec

Ok, now I got a really good kick out of it. Let me think of aother one and get back to you soon. But, this one is really hard to beat though...

Ok, here it is.

Monday was the first day I got back to my office.

I was busy running around to meet with the new memebers in my team, and got updated from my team members, and debrief with my boss about the latest progress with all the R&D ,business, planning.

My friend R, the millionaire doing nothing except building his masion in Colorado, kept paging me, on my cell, on my skype account, MSN, Yahoo! messeging me.

The messages were like:

"??"

"T..."

"Hey T!"

"Big T..."

"T U there?"

"R U there?"

"R U ok?"

"Where D U hurt?"

"U in the HA-z-B-tall?"

He even called me*** in the office once while I was going through lots of business information with the president of the newly acquired company. Of course I wouldn't answer. Then my cellphone rang. Ignore him again.

Finally, at 6:00pm, I finally got a break. I sat down in front of my desk. Check my email.

I did send a blank email to him titled, without any content.

"Beaten by my wife!"

He thought my wife actually, physically beated me during the weekend...

PS: My wife beated me in the basketball game, the 1-on-1 game after I taught her some basketball 101 on Sunday. And I was thinking about challenging my friend R and his new girlfriend, both played for their highschool. I thought I save the email to the draft folder and to finish it later in the day. Instead, I clicked send, NOT save. Email, how many other problems have you caused???

*** He never calls me without caring my strategy in his fantasy basketball league. And with you guys, I am not playing as hard as I usually do. Got to trade off something, right?

本文於修改第 6 次

引用網址：https://city.udn.com/forum/trackback.jsp?no=50370&aid=1518704

笑~~~
	推薦2


	鈞等級：8 留言｜加入好友

	文章推薦人 (2)
	閃電狼 Rebec

阿哈~~~
第一次進城
點的第一篇文章
就笑叉了氣

多有趣的城
多有趣的人

謝謝Rebecc引我入門

引用網址：https://city.udn.com/forum/trackback.jsp?no=50370&aid=1518697

If it thickle you
回應給： Gemini（scliao）	推薦1


	Rebec 等級：8 留言｜加入好友

	文章推薦人 (1)
	稻柏臨

hahaha....really funny!!!! enjoyed it....

now you can read this and see if it thickle you...

Subject: LIFE IN THE 1500'S

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be.

Here are some facts about the 1500s:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying,"Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath.
It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying "dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they adding more thresh until when you opened the door, it ! would all start slipping outside a piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a ”thresh hold."

(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot.
They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over; they would hang up their bacon to show off... It was a sign of wealth that a man could "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death.
This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust."

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a”wake."

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places
to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night ("the graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer."

Wow, whoever said that History was boring!!!

本文於修改第 1 次

引用網址：https://city.udn.com/forum/trackback.jsp?no=50370&aid=1518196

武官
	推薦1


	稻柏臨等級：8 留言｜加入好友

	文章推薦人 (1)
	小鈴鐺

You guys really make me laugh out loud! Chinese really despise 武官, don't we?

Come on! Give those 武官 some credits. No wonder I need to find my place in US. They do appreciate my experience and training in the army... You guys are right, 武官need to earn their respect themselves.

Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?

Let's face it

English is a stupid language.

There is no egg in the eggplant

No ham in the hamburger

And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.

English muffins were not invented in England

French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted

But if we examine its paradoxes we find that

Quicksand takes you down slowly

Boxing rings are square

And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.

If the plural of tooth is teeth

Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth

If the teacher taught,

Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables

What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?

Why do people recite at a play

Yet play at a recital?

Park on driveways and

Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy

Of a language where a house can burn up as

It burns down

And in which you fill in a form

By filling it out

And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers

And it reflects the creativity of the human race

(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why

When the stars are out they are visible

But when the lights are out they are invisible

And why it is that when I wind up my watch

It starts

But when I wind up this observation,

It ends.

引用網址：https://city.udn.com/forum/trackback.jsp?no=50370&aid=1510741

哈哈~~卡正經一下.好ㄇ....
	推薦2


	Rebec 等級：8 留言｜加入好友

	文章推薦人 (2)
	疆境瑞澤小鈴鐺

哈哈~~卡正經一下.好ㄇ....

故事是這樣發生的：
有一位臺灣淑女和一位英國紳士結婚了，他們定居在倫敦...這位可憐的淑女......對英文並不是很精通!

不過她仍設法和她丈夫溝通
但每逢她要到市場去買東西時

問題就產生了

有一天，她到肉販那兒去買豬腿

她不知道要如何講，不得已，她只好拉高裙子```

把她的大腿秀出來

肉販瞭解了，而這位淑女就帶著豬腿回家了。

隔天，她要買牛奶。
但她還是不知道要怎麼講，於是她就解開上衣.......
捏一捏乳頭給頭家看
然後這位淑女又買到了她想要的東西。

第三天.................................

這位淑女需要買香腸....
.............................................................

她就把她丈夫帶到市場去‧‧‧

?????????????????????????

‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧
‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧
‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧
‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧
‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧
‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧
‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧
‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧
‧‧‧‧‧‧‧‧
‧‧‧‧‧‧‧
‧‧‧‧‧‧
‧‧‧‧‧
‧‧‧‧
‧‧‧
‧‧
‧
你在想什麼啊？???

..................

...................

唉唷！她丈夫會講英文啦！！

引用網址：https://city.udn.com/forum/trackback.jsp?no=50370&aid=1509343

做母親您也不要這樣嘛
	推薦4


	bell 等級：8 留言｜加入好友

	文章推薦人 (4)
	11號公路小鈴鐺閃電狼 cundiff

引用網址：https://city.udn.com/forum/trackback.jsp?no=50370&aid=1473460

你是說………
	推薦4


	bell 等級：8 留言｜加入好友

	文章推薦人 (4)
	疆境瑞澤閃電狼 11號公路小鈴鐺

小王的公司路口的轉角有個乞丐在乞討，每天上班時，小王出於同情心，總會拿一張100元的鈔票給乞丐，乞丐也很感謝小王…

可是某天開始，小王不再捐100元了，只捐50元給乞丐，乞丐覺得很奇怪，但是也不好意思開口問。

但是到了最近一個月，小王竟然只捐10元給乞丐，10元耶！竟然只有10元！！

乞丐終於忍不住了問小王：「好心人啊～為什麼你以前捐給我100元，卻變成50元，甚至現在只有10元呢？？」

小王：「哦，因為以前我單身一人，所以可以一天捐100元給你，後來我結婚了，只能一天捐50元給你，最近我的孩子出生，一天只能捐10給你了。」

乞丐：「你是說………
.

你竟然拿我的錢去養你的老婆

孩子！！！

本文於修改第 2 次

引用網址：https://city.udn.com/forum/trackback.jsp?no=50370&aid=1467969

做上帝也不容易
	推薦5


	bell 等級：8 留言｜加入好友

	文章推薦人 (5)
	Rebec 閃電狼小鈴鐺 Jove 11號公路

新婚之夜，比爾對新娘發誓道："親愛的，我會愛你一生一世，
如果我做了對你不忠之事，情願接受上帝的懲罰。"

婚後不久，他就做出了背叛妻子的事情，卻一直平平安安。

終于有一天，他在海上遇到了風暴，他記起了自己的誓言，

忙跪在甲板上大聲祈禱："上帝呀，雖然我罪不可恕，但請您看在滿船其他無辜旅客的份上，暫且饒恕我吧！"

"什麼無辜！"空中傳來一個疲憊的聲音，

"你以為這些年來我在閒著？湊滿這一船人那麼容易嗎？"

本文於修改第 1 次

引用網址：https://city.udn.com/forum/trackback.jsp?no=50370&aid=1457789

這該不算是黃色
回應給： ~魔法森林~（wmiluu184）	推薦1


	bell 等級：8 留言｜加入好友

	文章推薦人 (1)
	11號公路

與陳唐山說的LP殊途同歸吧！

哈哈哈

引用網址：https://city.udn.com/forum/trackback.jsp?no=50370&aid=1457730

也有讀書啦
回應給： Amor（bell）	推薦1


	11號公路等級：7 留言｜加入好友

	文章推薦人 (1)
	小鈴鐺

人家武官也有讀書啦

只是讀的是........是........

黃色小說啦~~

哈哈哈~~

~魔法森林~ 【同言同語網誌】

引用網址：https://city.udn.com/forum/trackback.jsp?no=50370&aid=1454847

粉絲團