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「快樂」和「幸福」篇 -- 開欄文
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就我個人經驗來說，「知足常樂」是感受到「快樂」和「幸福」的硬道理。
本部落格過去曾轉載多篇關於「幸福」的心得和研究報告(絕大多數應該都在本「生活面面觀」版)；我把11篇一般性的評論/報導彙整在此欄(見下)；個別性的(如婚姻、職場等)則將分列在本版各相關專欄。
「快樂」和「幸福」相關閱讀：
* 三個關於快樂和幸福的新觀念 – Kira M. Newman (本版2023/08/12，下同)
* 1次性高潮 = 2個起士漢堡? – E. Barker (該欄2014/10/03)
* 如何幫助子女培養出快樂的性格 - T. H. Newman (2014/01/10)
* 五個幸福之道 – C. Moskowitz (2013/09/28；該欄共11篇貼文)
* 「知足常樂」中「知足」二字新解 – J. Bryner (2010/03/21)
* 富裕和容忍為快樂之本 -- J. Bryner (2009/11/12)
* 世界上最滿意自己生活狀況的國民 -- L. Sherman (2009/05/14 )
* 生活地區和幸福(唯物史觀又一例證) -- M. F. Small (2009/04/19)
* 幸福生活：紅酒 -- 法新社 (2008/07/05)
* 施比受更能能帶來快樂 -- RANDOLPH E. SCHMID (2008/03/21)
* 用快樂之水沖淡人生苦味 -- 桂香 提供 (2005/08/26)
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千萬別到「晚矣」才「悔之」 - Jeff Davis
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「樹欲靜而風不止，子欲養而親不待也」。請參見此欄和此欄；因為，下文可視為它們各篇貼文所討論「原則」的「案例」。
到了晚年還想了無牽掛的方法大概有三個：
1) 做自己。
2) 珍惜別人(開欄文第1節1.1小節-2))。
3) 少點顧慮，多些勇氣(該欄2025/12/22)。
When I Interviewed 50 People In Their 80s About Their Greatest Regret, Their Answers Shattered Every Assumption I Had
Jeff Davis, 02/18/26
I went in expecting to hear about careers.
I was a graduate student studying life satisfaction in older adults, and I'd designed my interviews around what I assumed people would say. That they wished they'd worked harder. Or taken more risks professionally. Or built more financial security.
I had my questions ready. My assumptions in place. My framework for understanding what people regret at the end of a long life.
And then I sat down with my first interview subject—a retired engineer named Harold, 84 years old, sharp as anyone I'd ever met—and asked him what he regretted most.
He was quiet for a long moment. And then he said: "I never told my brother I loved him. He died in 1987, and I never said it once."
Not a word about his career. Not his finances. Not the promotion he didn't get or the business he didn't start.
His brother. A relationship. Words he never said.
I drove home that night and rewrote all my questions.
Because Harold wasn't an outlier. He was the beginning of a pattern that would repeat itself across 50 interviews, in different houses, with different people, from different backgrounds.
And almost none of it was what I expected.
1. They Regretted The Relationships They Kept, Not Just The Ones They Lost
I expected people to regret lost relationships. Friends they'd drifted from. Family members they'd lost touch with.
But what surprised me was how many people regretted the relationships they'd kept. The friendships they'd maintained out of obligation long after they'd stopped being good. The family relationships they'd preserved at enormous personal cost. The marriages they'd stayed in decades past the point of connection.
One woman, 81, told me she'd spent 40 years maintaining a friendship with someone who made her feel small. "I kept thinking it was my fault. That I should try harder. But really, I should have walked away in 1975."
Research on relationship regret in older adults found that maintaining harmful or depleting relationships out of obligation is cited as a significant source of late-life regret, often outweighing regrets about lost connections.
The assumption I'd had was that regret was about absence. About people who weren't there. But for many of the people I interviewed, regret was about presence. About people who were there too long.
2. They Regretted How Much Of Their Life They'd Spent "Performing" ("Performing" 在此不是「表演」；指的是：「應酬」、「照本宣科」、「隨波逐流」、或「敷衍人情世故」之類的事)
Performing success. Performing happiness. Performing a version of themselves that they thought others expected.
The career they'd chosen because it sounded impressive rather than because it felt meaningful.
The house in the right neighborhood that stretched them financially for years.
The persona they'd maintained in social situations that bore little resemblance to how they actually felt inside.
One woman, Sandy, 82, had been a prominent figure in her community. Active. Visible. Admired.
"I spent so many years being who everyone needed me to be," she said. "I'm not sure I ever figured out who I actually was."
The performance had consumed decades. And at 82, she was mourning not a person she'd lost but a self she'd never let exist.
I heard this more than I expected to. The quiet grief of having lived outward instead of inward. Of having curated a life for an audience instead of building one for yourself.
3. They Regretted The Things They Didn't Say More Than The Things They Did
The pattern was consistent and heartbreaking: people who assumed the people they loved knew how they felt. Who thought expressing it explicitly was unnecessary or awkward or not how their family operated.
"My father worked every day of his life to give us everything," one woman told me. "I never once said thank you. Not really. Not in a way that would have meant something to him."
Studies on emotional expression and end-of-life reflection indicate that unexpressed positive emotions—particularly gratitude and love toward family members—represent the most commonly cited interpersonal regret among adults over 80.
They weren't talking about arguments they'd avoided. They were talking about the ordinary Tuesday afternoons when they could have said "I love you" and didn't. When they could have said "you matter to me" and let the moment pass instead.
4. They Regretted The Grudges They'd Carried For Too Long
Siblings who hadn't spoken in decades over things neither of them could fully remember. Parents they'd cut off and then lost before reconciling. Friends they'd ended things with over misunderstandings that had calcified into permanent estrangement.
One man hadn't spoken to his brother for 22 years. They'd reconciled eventually, but his brother had died two years later.
"We had two years," he said. "We could have had twenty-four."
Research on forgiveness and late-life regret found that sustained interpersonal grudges—particularly within families—represent one of the most painful categories of regret among older adults, with the lost time cited as irretrievable in ways that feel qualitatively different from other regrets.
The grudge itself wasn't the regret. The years were. The accumulated time that could have been spent differently, with someone they loved, if they'd been willing to let go sooner.
5. They Regretted How They'd Treated People Who Loved Them
A man named George, 83, cried while talking about his wife. She'd died three years before our interview.
"She loved me better than I deserved for 51 years," he said. "And I spent a lot of those years taking that for granted. Acting like it was just going to be there forever."
Research on attachment and late-life regret found that inadequate reciprocation of love and care from devoted partners and family members is among the most emotionally intense regrets reported by older adults, often accompanied by significant unresolved grief.
He didn't regret how he'd treated his enemies. He regretted how he'd treated his greatest ally.
6. They Regretted Letting Fear Make Their Decisions
Not the fears themselves. The choices they'd made because of them.
The relationship they hadn't pursued because vulnerability felt too risky. The move they hadn't made because the unfamiliar felt too threatening. The conversation they'd avoided because the potential fallout had seemed too unpredictable.
Fear had been the quiet architect of so many of their choices. And at 80-something, looking back, the fearful choices were almost always the ones they wished they could undo.
"I made the safe choice every single time," one woman told me. "And safe choices compound just like risky ones do. Except what they compound into is a smaller and smaller life."
It wasn't that the risks would necessarily have paid off. It was that living inside the fear had cost them something they couldn't name until they were old enough to see it clearly.
7. They Regretted Not Leaving Places And Situations Sooner
Whether it was a job they'd stayed in too long, a town they'd never left, or a situation they'd tolerated for years, they'd given so much time to things that weren't working in hopes that something would change.
And the regret wasn't usually about the destination. It was about the waiting. The years spent in the wrong place because leaving felt too uncertain, too difficult, too disruptive.
"I stayed in that job for eleven years after I should have left," one woman said. "Eleven years. I was waiting for it to get better. It never got better."
I heard some version of this in probably a third of my interviews. The deep, specific regret of having waited too long. Of having given time to things that had stopped deserving it.
8. They Regretted Not Letting People Help Them
They'd been fiercely self-sufficient, refused help when it was offered, carried things alone out of pride or stubbornness or the belief that needing help was a weakness.
And these are the people who, looking back, wished they had just let people in.
"My kids wanted to help me after your mother died," one man said. "I kept telling them I was fine. I wasn't fine. But I was too proud to say so. And I think it hurt them that I wouldn't let them be there for me."
The self-sufficiency they'd been proud of looked different at 83. Less like strength. More like distance. More like years of keeping people at arm's length while everyone suffered for it.
9. They Regretted The Ordinary Moments They Hadn't Been Present For
The Tuesday dinners. The bedtime routines. The regular, unremarkable evenings that had seemed unimportant at the time and turned out to be everything.
One woman talked about her son's childhood with a grief that was hard to watch. She hadn't been absent. She'd been there. But she'd been distracted. Preoccupied. Going through the motions while thinking about other things.
"He'd be telling me something, and I'd be thinking about work," she said. "And now I can't remember what he told me. And I can't remember what work thing I was thinking about either. But I lost both."
The present moment, it turned out, was what people wished they'd protected most fiercely. Not the future they'd been planning for. Not the past they'd been processing. The ordinary now that had kept slipping past while they were somewhere else in their heads.
10. They Regretted How They Loved
Love. In all its forms. Given or withheld. Expressed or assumed. Pursued or abandoned. Received or deflected.
Every regret, when I followed it back to its source, came down to something about love. How someone had loved or failed to love. How love had been offered and not accepted. How love had been felt but never spoken.
Harold and his brother. George and his wife. The woman who never thanked her father. The man who'd worked instead of being home.
All of it, underneath, was about love.
And what struck me—what I still think about years later—was that none of them had lacked the capacity. None of them had been incapable of the love they regretted not giving.
They'd just waited. Assumed there was time. Let ordinary moments pass while meaning to get to the important thing later.
And later, it turned out, had a way of not arriving.
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平凡的過，安逸的活 --- Tom Addison
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我用中文俗話或成語來翻譯下文作者談到的7個「生活小智慧」；請參考，並請指教它們是否合適。
7 Key Life Lessons Learnt From A (Very) Unexpected Place
You can learn anything from anywhere if you pay close enough attention
Tom Addison, 09/24/25
In the early mornings, I’m a writer.
During the day, I’m a Civil Engineer.
The two have zero correlation with one another, a bit like chalk and cheese.
Yet, at the same time, the two blend perfectly into a weird, yet remarkably well-crafted concoction.
What makes my job great is the people I work with.
Not only do they make my job exponentially more enjoyable (and inadvertently an abundance of ideas to write about!), they also teach me a boatload about myself and life in general.
Here are a few things that they’ve taught me…
1. Every day is a school day 活到老，學到老
One of my managers has worked at the same company I work for for a whopping 48 years!
I remember asking them how, even after all these years, they manage to find the motivation and will to continue working and doing what they do.
Their reply was priceless.
They said：“Every day is a school day.”
I mean, what a great attitude to life! It’s the kind of attitude I’ve firmly adopted in my life, too.
2. Everyone has a story to tell 家家有本難唸的經
You never know what some people are hiding behind the mask.
I’ve worked with guys who’ve suffered from all kinds of terrible personal problems, some of them still do.
For example, I worked with a guy who, for quite a few years, suffered from a serious drug addiction.
Speaking and working with him, you wouldn’t believe it.
He was one of the hardest-working yet loveliest people you could ever wish to meet, and he was a joy to be around.
He demonstrated to me that everyone has a story to tell, and some people’s stories are more severe and profound than you think, which is why everyone deserves the utmost respect and dignity.
3. You can learn something from everyone 三人行，必有我師
Honestly, you wouldn’t believe the range of people I have to work with.
Everyone has a unique personality and set of beliefs, and each has their own story to tell.
Some people, though, never seem to amaze me.
There is a rule in 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson that often springs to my mind.
He writes: Assume That The Person You Are Listening To Might Know Something You Don’t.
You know what, it’s true.
Every single person I’ve met at work always knows something I don’t, even the seemingly least suspecting people.
Stay humble and stay open is the lesson I’ve learnt more than anything.
4. Don’t take things too seriously 天塌下來，有個兒高的人頂著
“At the end of the day, Tom, all this is is a pipe full of shit. That’s it. Nothing more. Nothing less.”
When my old boss, who’s now recently retired, said that, it made me laugh.
But his message does carry some form of meaning.
I think what he was trying to tell me is not to take things so damn seriously and put things into perspective for what they really are, and that when you break things down to their core, things aren’t such a big deal.
5. It’s okay to make mistakes 人非聖賢，孰能無過
My boss once said something to me that’ll stick with me for quite some time.
He said: “A person who’s never made a mistake has never done anything.”
And it’s true.
To get better at what you do and to learn, you have to do things wrong. You have to fail.
Failure is positive, as long as you know where you’ve gone wrong.
6. Nothing is under control 智者千慮，必有一失
Things go wrong all the time at work.
Suppliers don’t send what they were supposed to.
Designs all of a sudden change.
People turn up late to work.
Materials don’t arrive on time.
It goes on, and on, and on.
But most things that do go wrong have one thing in common:
In 95% of cases, the issues that arise are beyond your control.
The same applies to life.
Shit happens.
Just think back on the things that have gone tits up recently.
I bet that most of what has gone wrong probably wasn’t your fault in the first place.
7. Love what you do 做一天和尚，撞一天鐘
I worked under a guy who’s 66 years old.
He doesn’t need to work. He could retire right now, this very second.
I once asked him why he doesn’t retire now.
His answer:
“I love what I do now just as much now as I did all those years ago when I first started.”
Even after all these years of working, he’s still the first on site and he’s the last one to leave.
It’s a testament to his great character.
I’m not sure about you, but I think that’s the kind of attitude we all aspire to.
Want to be notified whenever I publish a new article? Click here.
Written by Tom Addison
I write about personal development, books, and key life lessons I learn. Please, feel free to subscribe. Email me on addisontom2@gmail.com to connect with me.
Also, become part of a growing community and subscribe to my Substack for absolutely free!
Published in Change Your Mind Change Your Life
Read short and uplifting articles here to help you shift your thought, so you can see real change in your life and health.
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幸福四門道 -- Tom Addison
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4 Quotes That Changed My View on Happiness
Happiness redefined in small bite-sized chunks
Tom Addison, 07/09/25
Everyone is forever chasing happiness in one way or another, aren’t they?
What happiness means to one person will differ from what it means to the next.
Personally, my perceptions, ideas, and opinions of happiness are constantly evolving.
However, one thing that never ceases to amaze me is how just a few words have this extraordinary ability to change and alter someone’s perspective on something.
Here are 4 Quotes That Changed My View on Happiness…
1. “You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.” — Albert Camus
The constant pursuit of happiness and meaning is precisely what prevents us from living the life we want.
If we’re constantly searching and constantly on the lookout for the meaning of life, we’re missing out on one of the most crucial parts of life:
Living it.
Life is odd, sometimes even absurd.
However, it should be accepted and embraced for what it is, no matter how imperfect we believe it to be, because it’s still worth living.
2. “True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future.” — Seneca
Real happiness isn’t found in the past or the future.
Genuine happiness comes from living in the present moment without worrying about what’s going to happen next or what’s already happened.
Real happiness comes when you’re fully present in the now.
Living in any other time causes worry, and one of the biggest time-stealing and most costly feelings of all, anxiety.
So, stay in the now (as much as possible).
Focus on what you can control.
And the rest will fall into place.
3. “Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.” — Carl Jung
Happiness and sadness are like brother and sister, with one comes the other.
Wherever happiness lies, sadness is always lurking around the corner, and vice versa.
A harsh truth about life and happiness is that if we were in a constant state of euphoria, the feeling of happiness would lose all meaning.
And sometimes, it’s only after we experience some dark, sad, terrible event that we can start to appreciate what it means to be happy.
In many cases, it’s our sadness that gives happiness the depth and significance it truly deserves.
4. “Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.” — Ernest Hemingway
This is a somewhat cynical view, but in many respects, it’s true.
With intelligence and sheer brilliance often comes an immense sense of unhappiness and dissatisfaction.
For example:
* Elon Musk, the world’s richest man, is deeply troubled, and he admits it.
* Steve Jobs couldn’t have possibly been a happy person with the way he acted throughout his life.
* Spiritual leader and lecturer Alan Watts was an alcoholic and died as an alcoholic.
* And even Ernest Hemingway himself struggled terribly with depression, and again, he, like Watts, was an alcoholic.
So the next time you’re wishing that you’re as smart and intelligent as one of your heroes or someone you admire, think again.
Thank you for reading this article and spending your most precious asset on me — your time.
I appreciate it, and I look forward to seeing you again soon!
Written by Tom Addison
I write about personal development, books, and key life lessons I learn. Please, feel free to subscribe if you so desire!
Want to be notified whenever I publish a new article? Click here. Also, become part of a growing community and subscribe to my Substack for absolutely free!
Published in Change Your Mind Change Your Life
Read short and uplifting articles here to help you shift your thought, so you can see real change in your life and health.
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