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端正觀念篇 -- 開欄文：8 個錯誤的老生常談 -- Singh Bhai
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8 Psychology “Truths” Everyone Believes (But Science Says Are Wrong)
“Truths” That Are Actually Complete Nonsense
Singh Bhai, 02/26/25
Some things just won’t die. Urban legends, bad fashion trends, your neighbor’s belief that their dog understands full sentences. And, of course, some myths which a whole lot of it is just nonsense.
Some of these myths are so baked into conversations that they feel true. Like, really feel true.
Here are eight of them like that
1. “Opposites Attract” (Yeah, in Sitcoms, Maybe)
Okay, so, if this one were actually real, half of Tinder would be a lot less miserable.
People love this idea — that two people who are complete opposites in every way will, against all odds, fall madly in love, teach each other valuable life lessons, and somehow make it work. Kind of like a rom-com, except with slightly more passive-aggressive arguments about how one person is a total slob and the other color-codes their fridge.
Studies show that people usually (as in, most of the time, nearly always, bet-your-house-on-it levels of “usually”) pick partners who share their values, habits, and even general outlook on life.
So, liking the same stuff and thinking about the world in similar ways tends to make things run a little smoother.
Opposites don’t attract. They irritate each other for a bit, maybe, but long-term it’s mostly just noise (Maybe is applied).
2. More Money = More Happiness (Forever)
Right, so, money does buy happiness. Let’s not be ridiculous.
The whole “money doesn’t matter” thing is something that rich people say while sipping hand-pressed coffee in a house with more bathrooms than occupants.
Studies show that happiness and financial security are very much linked — up to a point.
Source: visualcapitalist.com 請至原網頁觀看統計圖
Somewhere around $75,000 a year (which, given inflation, is probably looking more like “enough to not panic when your car makes a weird noise”).
Source: visualcapitals.com (Money Can Buy Happiness After All) 請至原網頁觀看統計圖
After that, The curve flattens. More money doesn’t necessarily make you happier, it just removes certain problems. Which is still great! But once you’ve hit that sweet spot where bills are paid, stress is lower, and you’re not stuck deciding between food or rent, money stops being a straight shot to bliss.
At that point, happiness comes from other things, like having friends, doing things you enjoy, and not being an insufferable human being.
3. Your Thoughts Are Always Your Own
Your brain is constantly stealing ideas in a way that makes you think your thoughts are original when they’re really just borrowed. Psychologists call this cryptomnesia — when you absorb information from books, conversations, social media, or some guy on a podcast and then later believe you came up with it yourself.
Your brain remembers the fact but not where it came from and it’s called source amnesia.
Now apply that to news headlines, social media, and advertising. If you see the same message repeated over and over, it doesn’t just influence your thinking — it becomes part of your internal dialogue. You think you formed that opinion, but in reality, your brain just picked up whatever it was fed the most.
4. Willpower Is the Key to Success
Some people think willpower is like it’s some kind of internal fuel tank — either you have enough of it to succeed, or you don’t. If you’re struggling? Just try harder.
Except, that’s not how human behavior works.
First, let’s talk about ego depletion — the idea that willpower is a finite resource that runs out the more you use it.
Ever notice how sticking to a diet is easy in the morning but by nighttime, you’re inhaling a family-sized bag of chips? That’s not just bad choices — it’s mental exhaustion. Your brain gets tired of self-control, especially when it’s constantly being tested.
Here’s the secret: your brain loves routines. It craves them. Once a behavior is wired into a habit loop — cue → action → reward — it stops requiring willpower at all.
A study from Duke University (Wood et al., 2002) found that about 45% of our daily actions are automatic habits, not conscious decisions. That means almost half of what you do every day isn’t based on willpower — it’s just routine.
So you don’t need to try harder, you need to change your habits so that good choices happen without thinking.
5. Your Brain Stops Changing After Childhood
Wouldn’t it be nice if your brain just settled down after childhood, locked in all the good habits, and stopped pulling weird tricks on you? Unfortunately, that’s not how this thing works.
Your brain isn’t some freshly poured cement that dries by the time you hit your teenage years.
Neuroscientists have spent years proving that neuroplasticity — the brain’s ability to rewire itself — is not just some childhood feature that disappears once you hit puberty.
When you learn new skills, Your brain builds new pathways, and when You stop using certain skills your brain forgets them (RIP high school algebra).
The point is, that you can keep learning, adapting, and changing no matter how old you are. So if you were planning on using the “I’m too old to change” excuse, maybe you can reconsider it again.
6. Talking About Trauma Makes It Worse
Right, so, shoving feelings into a metaphorical basement and hoping they just die of neglect is Not a great plan.
There’s this weird belief that talking about painful experiences somehow gives them power, like saying Voldemort’s name. Except, what actually happens when you refuse to deal with stuff is it sits there and festers.
Studies show that avoiding trauma makes it worse while processing it — Maybe through therapy, journaling, or talking to someone who isn’t a houseplant — actually helps your brain make sense of it.
Bottling up emotions doesn’t make them go away. It just turns them into anxiety, insomnia, and weirdly intense reactions to things that shouldn’t set you off.
7. Cognitive Dissonance Only Happens to Irrational People
If this were true, no one on earth would own a gym membership and not use it.
Cognitive dissonance is an uncomfortable feeling you get when your actions don’t match up with your beliefs.
Like, say, when you buy organic groceries but also eat an entire sleeve of Oreos in one sitting. Or when you preach about budgeting and then somehow convince yourself that this impulse purchase is totally different.
It’s not an “irrational people” problem. It’s an everyone problem. Brains hate contradictions, so they do all sorts of mental gymnastics to explain why what they’re doing makes sense — even when it really, really doesn’t.
That is why people will convince themselves that they liked something just because they suffered for it.
8. Smell isn’t connected to memory
The smell is one of the strongest memory triggers because it’s processed in the same part of the brain that deals with emotions and long-term recollections.
That’s why something as simple as a familiar scent — freshly cut grass, an old book, your ex’s perfume — can send you straight back to a moment in time, way more vividly than a picture ever could, or at least cause a Dejavu effect.
That’s why going into a musty basement always reminds you of your grandma’s house.
Wait a Sec
I share insights like this every 2–3/week — ones that actually change how you think in my newsletter (TheOpenBook). Don’t miss the next one.
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人生中5個讓人不舒服的真相 - Julian Frazier
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請參考下各節最後「正面思考」(“The Bright Side？”)小節後的解讀或建議。
Five Things Psychologists Know But Can’t Say Out loud
Julian Frazier, PhD, 05/26/26
The world of psychology is the study of the human mind and a window into human nature itself. This means being able to look at the good, the bad, and the ugly. However, in psychotherapy, we know that the bad and the ugly are often… difficult to talk about. Psychotherapists tend to focus on the good or positive things!
But that means, there are many, MANY things we don’t always say out loud…
1) Not Everyone Is “Smart”
We know more-or-less how IQ works. We try really hard to redefine intelligence and to challenge the validity of IQ testing, but the reality is that cognitive capacity isn’t equally distributed. Some people are smarter, others are dumber. It is completely unfair, but it is normal.
Most folks will be about average, with a sizable chunk of folks being below average.
We would like to believe that with enough time, discipline, and effort that everyone could become “smart”. But the reality is that the cognitive differences between someone who has an 80 IQ (bottom 15%) and a 120 IQ (top 15%) is a night-and-day.
We’ve all had the thought that perhaps someone struggles in aspects of life because they… just aren’t that smart? There is nothing wrong with them, they just sometimes don’t make the best decisions and sometimes struggle with seemingly basic things based entirely off of normal differences in intelligence.
Half of people will technically have below average intelligence. But even insinuating that other people might be kinda dumb or at less than smart is almost always considered an insult — so many, including psychologists, keep these hunches to ourselves.
The bright side?
Anyone can specialize! Even if you aren’t “smart”, with enough time and effort you can become skilled or develop a talent or a craft. Specializing bridges the intelligence gap with time and focused effort. If you’ve put hundreds of hours and years of training and practice into one thing, you’ll inevitably develop expertise, regardless of your IQ score. 水滴石穿，繩鋸木斷。鐵杵磨成繡花針。
2) Some People’s Personalities Kinda Suck
We would like to believe that all people are redeemable, worthy of compassion and kindness. But we all know at least one person that kinda… sucks. They are kinda mean spirited, perhaps difficult to be around, and prickly, reactive and unapologetic when they are rude or unthoughtful.
There are three personality traits that are challenging to have.
* Low Agreeableness — not intrinsically motivated to cooperate or collaborate with others, don’t shy away from conflict, more explicitly self-interested and critical of others. Cynical.
* Low Conscientiousness — higher tolerance for messiness or disorder, disorganized, struggles with time management and punctuality, not particularly driven by ambition or not intrinsically industrious.
* High Neuroticism — Increased sensitivity to the negative spectrum of emotions, increased anxiety, depression and vigilance. Lower stress tolerance. Emotional reactivity. Pessimism.
Just one of these traits isn’t a big deal, but if you have two or more of them, then you might kinda suck.
There is a myth that if someone sucks that it has to be because of some negative past event or some neurological difference that makes them kinda suck, but the reality is that completely normal variance in human personality will occasionally produce people with cactus-like traits.
These personality traits are completely normal. No trauma necessary. Not “personality disorders”. Completely psychologically healthy people can still not be fun to be around just because they have a more prickly personality.
The bright side?
Personality is your default setting, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t learn different skills to get along with others better. In the same way that an introverted person can learn extroverted skills in order to charm a crowd of people or at the very least tolerate being around others, the neurotic can learn to be more optimistic, the low conscientious person can learn to be more organized, and the disagreeable person can learn to cooperate more compassionately. 請見本欄、此欄、和此欄的貼文。
Of course, this will be effortful and likely drain your social battery, but it’s probably better than people thinking you suck.
3) Being Average Kinda Sucks (And You Are Most Likely Average)
The paradox of average is that most people, statistically, will be average, but no one really wants to be average. This leads to a kind of striving to be better than or more than average.
* Do you want… the average person’s income?
* How about, the average person’s debt?
* Do you want the average person’s appearance?
* Do you want the average person’s physical health?
The only time that you would want the average is if your situation was worse than average. While many things are about social comparison and status, the reality is that being ten’s of thousands of dollars in debt or living pay-check-to-pay-check is difficult and stressful.
But this is the average situation in the United States, right now.
People aspire to be “above average”, not just for the sake of vanity or a superiority complex, but because average by modern standards is a state bogged down by chronic stress, financial insecurity, loneliness and at least one physical health condition that you need to manage. Being above average feels like an escape from the afflictions and suffering of being associated with the average person’s experience.
Put differently, if you want any chance at being happy, satisfied with life and mentally healthy, then you’ll want to strive towards being above average. Ironically, the very process of striving and wanting more than you have leaves you dissatisfied with what you have.
What a Catch-22!
The Bright Side?
You are statistically probably average in a lot of things. But because there are so many different attributes, traits and skills that a person can have, the reality is that you are also statistically likely to be exceptional in at least one way. Identifying and leaning into what makes you unique is a pathway to authenticity and an escape from being merely average. 找到、培養、並發揮自己的長處。
4) Most People (including you) Believe In Some Kinda Magical Nonsense
We would like to believe that people are rational, logical and reasonable. You, too, mostly live life according to what you believe is right or true. Most believe that when faced with evidence contrary to their beliefs that they would be willing to change their beliefs to accommodate the new information.
Unfortunately, there is little evidence to suggest that this is the case.
In fact, there is far more evidence to suggest that humans are prone to holding tightly to beliefs that are objectively wrong, unfalsifiable or frankly magical.
The majority of the people on the planet are either religious or spiritual. A great many people believe in conspiracies and practice superstitions. Lots of people believe in ghosts and other supernatural activity. And many MANY people hold strong opinions despite being entirely uninformed.
Look, I believe in some nonsense myself! I believe it’s an important part of being human.
But it certainly makes the idea of people having “common sense” seem pretty suspect. If you are hoping that other people are logical and rational and that your beliefs are all correct or well-reasoned, then you may be disappointed.
The Bright Side?
People tend to do what they believe is in their best interest — we hold certain stories, myths, and convictions because we truly believe that it’s in our best interest to take them seriously. People don’t change what they believe simply because it is incorrect, but they will change their beliefs when they realize that different stories are more effective and beneficial than the one’s they have now.
Belief can change and do change all the time — we just need to be exposed to better stories. 人們不是「理性導向」；而是「實利導向」。
5) Most of Your Problems Aren’t Trauma, They Are Your Own Resistance To Change
There are no shortage of good, valid and real justifications for human suffering caused by trauma, misfortune, negative life experiences, oppression and systemic barriers. I believe that patriarchy, imperialism and systemic oppression are all real problems that have caused real harm to real people.
And also…
Just because something isn’t your fault, doesn’t mean it isn’t your responsibility.
This is the most unfair yet ubiquitous part of life.
Even your own life is not your fault! You didn’t CHOOSE to be born, you just suddenly found yourself responsible for a life that you have to live. In the same way, you didn’t choose where you were born, what race, gender, sex, or class you were born into. You didn’t choose your family or your parents. And you definitely didn’t choose to be discriminated against, judged or hated because of those things.
But, I also believe in encouraging and empowering people to take whatever action they can to live despite their disadvantages or adversaries. We simply cannot let our disadvantages become excuses to be passive or to defer action.
This is the part that therapists often tip-toe around or bite their tongue when confronted with— how do I both validate your pain, acknowledge your concerns, understand the context and nuances of your disadvantages AND call you to take action in your own life anyway.
Again, it may not be your fault, but it is your responsibility.
If you’re waiting for the world to become more fair, for reparations to be paid or for someone to realize they were wrong and apologize before you take action to improve your situations, you may be waiting a long, long time.
The Bright Side?
Trauma in all its forms can be overcome. Some of that work is ideally done in the therapy office with a qualified mental health professional, and also, most of that work will require you to take action despite your disadvantages.
New experiences helps to re-write the old ones, freeing you of adversity one small step at a time. It may not be easy, but it is possible, and for a lot of folk, possible is all they need to begin the process of healing and change. 請見本欄、此欄、和此欄的貼文。
In conclusion,
Psychologists study the human mind, so it should come as no surprise that mental health professionals are cautious about saying certain things that we know will be upsetting, even if they are true. This is why having excellent rapport with your therapist is necessary. If you don’t like your therapist and don’t get along very well, then you might not be open to their feedback when and if they choose to tell you what you really need to hear.
You may not be as smart as you think, you’re probably more average than you’d like to be, some things about you might suck, you likely believe in some kinda nonsense and you’re letting your trauma get the better of you by not taking responsibility for it.
These are tough pills to swallow…
But assuming we could actually swallow them, we can start to look on the bright side and dramatically improve our chances of living a good and fulfilling life.
Written by Julian Frazier, PhD
The musings of a Clinical Psychologist exploring the delicate art of humaning from as many absurd perspectives as possible. Let's get weird.
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「有志者事竟成」之害人不淺 - Thomas Oppong
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索引：
ikigai：「生存的意義」或「每天早晨起床的動力」。
下文「主旨」不錯，可惜論述難稱到位。
This Popular Life Advice Everyone Swears By is Actually Making People Miserable
It’s holding you back.
Thomas Oppong, 02/25/26
Your teacher meant well. Your parents wanted the best for you. The coach or the mentor said it with strong conviction. They all had strong faith in you when they told you, “you can do anything if you put your mind to it.” It’s the kind of encouragement everyone swears by. But it makes you spend years pushing against a wall, wondering why the wall won’t move, wondering if the problem is you.
I will tell you why.
I’m not saying quit what you want. Or that your dreams are not realistic. I’m saying the advice is dangerously incomplete. It skips the most important part: figuring out which things are actually worth putting your mind to in the first place. The thing is, we tell people to persist. We celebrate grit. We turn the story of “I failed a hundred times before I succeeded” into the only path. And it’s right if you are facing the direction you want. But sometimes, and nobody likes to say this, persistence is just an expensive way to stay lost for too long.
The difference matters enormously.
“The person born with a talent they are meant to use will find their greatest happiness in using it.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The problem with “you can do anything” is that people stay the course at their own expense. They assume a career, dream, or skill is the only “ladder” to success. But people grow through stages. They evolve. What seemed exciting at 23 may not be practical at the height of your career. It pays to reassess. But people are told to push harder. And stop doubting. The struggle doesn’t always mean you’re growing.
Sometimes you’re struggling because you’re on the wrong path. It can also mean the effort is not compounding in your favour. It’s not serving you. You work twice as hard as everyone else and get half as far. You hustle for years with no tangible fruit to show for it. You practice and practice and never feel the improvement that other people seem to find naturally.
These are all patterns to watch out for.
You can’t keep going anyway. Hustling for another three years on something that consistently fights you. Don’t ignore the signs. They may be trying to save you. “You can do anything if you put your mind to it” doesn’t always work. The frustration and overwhelm can destroy you. I’m not discounting the cycle of doing, learning, refining and repeating what works. You could be on the right path. And still struggle. You can’t get good at anything without resistance. And sometimes you would want to quit. When the effort feels disproportionate to the results. Most people quit at the “dip.” But it’s necessary to push when it matters. When you have reassessed and still feel like what you are doing is the right pursuit.
This is why my career will always be an “experiment in progress.”
I treat my career like a scientist, not a blind believer. I test and repeat what works. I only “keep at it” if I must. And every now and then, I update my systems, processes and tools based on what I find. I don’t fall in love with the “dream” and stop questioning it. I fall in love with figuring out what’s true for my life.
Approach your own life like a good scientist.
Try things. Long enough to get wisdom, lessons or data. Take the weird job. Study the field that has nothing to do with your degree. Learn a skill in other domains, take the class, build things, pitch the idea. Then pay attention. Not just to find out whether you enjoy it. That’s too simple. Plenty of things are enjoyable at first. Anything new is enjoyable. The feeling of being a beginner, where every day you learn something new, is enjoyable. But it’s temporary.
What doesn’t go away is “the feeling when effort compounds.”
You know it when you feel it. You work hard. You don’t become just tired. You’re also a little better. You look back at three months ago, and you can see the gap between who you were then and who you are now. The work still challenges you, but it doesn’t make you miserable almost all the time. You feel like you’re moving in a good direction. That’s worth pursuing. The bad news is you can’t be anything. You shouldn’t try to be. But you can be good and even great at what makes you come alive every morning. The Japanese call it ikigai. I won’t go into that. You’ve heard that before.
But whatever you do, find that “reason.”
Look for the overlap of these four things:
What you like. Not what you think you should like. Not what looks good to others. But what pulls you in and makes practical sense to you. What sets your soul on fire?
What you’re good at. Or more precisely, what you can become good at faster than most people. This matters because it fits your personality and what won’t drive you insane.
What the world needs. Is there a real problem here that real people need solved? And are you in a position to deliver on repeat without losing yourself?
What someone will pay for. The blunt version of: does this connect to the world in a way that creates value for people?
Most people live in one or two of these quadrants. They do what they’re paid for but don’t love. Or they love what they do but can’t make it pay. Or they’re good at something they don’t enjoy. The magic, and it does feel like magic when you find it, is in the centre.
Where all four overlap.
It’s not an exact science. But it’s a start.
You can’t manufacture that overlap by force of will. But you can find it. Through experimentation. Through paying attention to what makes you come alive versus what drains you. Through being willing to walk away from the wrong thing, even when you’ve invested in it.
There’s a reason “you can do anything” does so much damage: it teams up with sunk cost. You’ve been studying law for two years. You’ve been working at a startup for three. You’ve been trying to make it as an artist for a decade. Walking away feels like wasting all that time. So you don’t walk away. Leaving feels like losing. The time is already spent. That’s done. The question is never “how much have I invested?” It’s always “what’s the most useful thing I can do from here?”
Sometimes the answer is: keep going.
It can also be: pivot hard.
You can only tell the difference if you’re being honest with yourself about what the evidence/signs/signals say. Not what you hoped it would say. Not what it would say if you were a different person with different natural abilities. What it says right now.
You can become terrifyingly good at a few things.
Not everything. A few things. The ones that sit in that four-way overlap. The ones where effort compounds. It doesn’t fight you. The ones where you lose track of time. Terrifyingly good means you’re the person other people call. The person who gets results that confuse people who don’t know how you think. The person who makes it look easy. But only because they’ve put in so much well-directed effort that the difficulty has become familiar. That’s available to you.
Not in everything.
But in something.
Finding that something is the real work. It takes longer than what motivational speakers will tell you. It requires more than “just believe in yourself.” It asks you to pay attention to reality. Your reality. To what is happening when you work, rather than what you wish were happening. But it’s real. And it’s worth doing. Stop asking whether you’re trying hard enough. Are you trying the right things hard enough? “You only have to do a very few things right in your life so long as you don’t do too many things wrong,” says Warren Buffett. You can’t be anything. But you can become genuinely, surprisingly good at the things that fit you.
If you find that, run with it.
You will become unstoppable.
Written by Thomas Oppong
The wisdom of great minds. My essays cross between psychology, philosophy and self-improvement.
Published in Personal Growth
Practical wisdom for life drawn from philosophy, psychology, spirituality and personal experiences.
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五個不同層次「去他媽的蛋」 -- Mark Manson
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請參見此欄2026/01/12貼文。
5 Life-Changing Levels of Not Giving a Fuck
Mark Manson, 12/17/25
Every day, hundreds of millions of people suffer from giving too many fucks. They spend their lives imprisoned by meaningless anxiety and unnecessary concerns. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
In this article, I’m going to walk you through the five levels of non-fuck-giving, each level demonstrating more non-fuckery than the last. You will learn step by step how to face your fears, how to stop worrying what other people think, and how to achieve the eternal bliss of a fuckless life.
Strap in, it’s time to stop giving fucks and start living.
Level 1: Embarrassment (尷尬、丟臉)
In psychology, there’s something known as the Spotlight Effect. The Spotlight Effect says that we all tend to assume that people are paying far more attention to us than they actually are.
Think back to the last time you got a terrible haircut. Chances are you walked around all day assuming that everybody was staring at that tragedy of a mop on your head. But the reality was most people didn’t notice. And if they noticed, they sure didn’t care.
One of my favorite quotes ever comes from the author David Foster Wallace. He said:
You will stop worrying so much what other people think about you when you realize how seldom they do.
As someone who grew up with a lot of social anxiety, this idea was absolutely profound to me. But the problem is the idea by itself is not sufficient. You have to get out into the world and experience it. You have to get out and challenge your own Spotlight Effect.
Does that mean you have to put on a chicken suit and go for a walk at your local mall? No, not necessarily (though I won’t stop you). But it does mean you have to do something.
You have to challenge yourself. You have to put yourself into uncomfortable situations in front of other people, and prove to yourself conclusively that nobody’s paying attention, that nobody gives a shit.
Tolerating embarrassment is the bedrock of not giving a fuck. The moment you realize nobody fucking cares, that’s when you’ve conquered Level One of non-fuck-giving.
Onwards.
Level 2: Rejection (被拒、被甩)
If the willingness to look like an idiot is the first step towards not giving a fuck, the next step is being willing to face rejection.
It’s one thing to not care what strangers think, but what about people you actually care about? Are you willing to say things that your friends and family might not approve of? Are you comfortable having difficult conversations? Are you afraid to embarrass yourself on a date?
People who give way too many fucks don’t do well with rejection. Their self-esteem is so wrapped up with social approval that they find rejection intolerable and do their damnedest to avoid it, usually by performing. They view every social situation in terms of “What do I say or do to get people to like me?” And then they try to say or do that.
This is a terrible way to live, for a bunch of reasons. The first is just that it’s incredibly stressful. Every social interaction basically becomes like an exam at school where you have to say and do the exact right things to get the result.
But the real reason is that it prevents you from having healthy relationships in the first place. Even if you do perform in the right way and get people to like you, you will never fully trust that they like you for you.
The big breakthrough for most people comes when they finally drop the performance and embrace authenticity in their relationships. When they realize no matter how well they perform, they’re eventually gonna be rejected by someone, they might as well get rejected for who they already are.
When you start approaching relationships with authenticity, by being unapologetic about who you are and living with the results, you realize you don’t have to wait around for people to choose you, you can also choose them.
And this changes everything.
Level 3: Criticism (批評、閒話)
Fact: you can’t keep everyone happy all of the time.
Whatever you do, there will be people who’ll criticize your actions, say negative things about you. And you must learn to live with this, to understand that criticism is part of the job description of success, that the respect and admiration you want will always come with a healthy serving of critics eager to tear you down.
The next time you’re criticized, here’s what you do:
1. If you respect the person, listen to the criticism and improve.
2. If you don’t respect the person, then fuck them. Who cares?
Criticism is simply information. If it isn’t useful information about you, then it’s useful information about them. Either way, it’s constructive. So why avoid it?
Level 4: Failure (失敗、搞砸)
Something incredible happens when you stop giving a fuck what other people think about you — which is what Levels 1–3 were all about — it gives you the freedom to fail.
All those things you’ve been curious about, all those adventures you’ve dreamed of but been too scared to pursue, it all suddenly opens up to you because you’ve stopped giving a fuck what people will say about you if you fail.
You no longer care what your family’s going to say if you quit your shitty job and can’t find a better one, so you go ahead and quit. You no longer care if you join a breakdance class and are so terrible at it you become the butt of everybody’s joke, so you go ahead and sign up.
Here’s the thing: it doesn’t matter if you fail. It matters what you do. Life happens in the process, not the results.
Most of us are too results-oriented and not enough process-oriented, and I think a lot of this comes from the way we’re raised. You grow up and you’re rewarded for getting an A on the test or getting a gold star at the activity. Everything is about “Can you achieve this result? And then we will reward you.
But the fact of the matter is, life doesn’t actually work that way. In fact, in many ways, life rewards the willingness to fail, life rewards the person who is willing to embarrass themselves a little bit, who’s willing to take some risks, who’s willing to be bad at something for as long as it takes to get good at it.
So let me ask you, what are you unapologetically bad at? What are you more than happy to be terrible at because it brings so much joy to your life?
Find that something, and go do it. Even if you fail spectacularly, you’ll have done something worthwhile, something you’ll be proud to tell your grandchildren about.
Level 5: Zero Fucks Given (去你媽的蛋！)
Congratulations. We’ve made it, my friends, to the pinnacle. Undeterred by embarrassment, rejection, ridicule or failure, we have achieved the perfect freedom of non-fuckery.
A life of zero fucks given is a life of zero pressure, zero regret. It’s a life of freedom, of doing whatever the hell you want to do, of being whoever the hell you want to be.
Look, you and everyone you know are gonna die one day. So what the fuck are you waiting for? That goal you have, that dream you keep to yourself, that person you wanna meet. What are you letting stop you? Go do it.
Because seriously, who gives a fuck?
STOP BEING AN EMOTIONAL IDIOT
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Written by Mark Manson
Author of #1 NYTimes Bestseller ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck’. OG Blogger. Psychology Nerd. I enjoy cats and whiskey. But not at the same time.
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卡木談「起而行」 -- Thomas Oppong
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卡木是我最喜歡的三位文學家和三位哲學家之一；另外兩位文學家是：卡夫卡和達斯妥也夫斯基。另外兩位哲學家則是：尼切和孔老夫子。
歐朋先生下文所引述和申論的卡木箴言，據《AI摘要》的說法，並非直接引述，而是綜合他思想(或類似文字)而來。卡木作品中我最喜歡的一本是《沉淪》，其主旨就在體現這句箴言。我大力推荐下文和這本小說。記得在某處讀到：沙垂認為《沉淪》是卡木著作中最重要的一本。
談到行動，其實我們也可以用輕鬆的方式來切入。我介紹過《I’d Rather Be Sorry》這首歌，再次推薦；它會加深你對卡木這句箴言的印象。
A Camus Quote So Powerful, It Might Change Your Life
The one truth to face life’s absurdities.
Thomas Oppong, 09/05/25
Most people don’t fail because they can’t. They fail because they won’t. Right before they are supposed to speak up, ask for the raise, end the bad relationship, or just change something that desperately needs changing, they “negotiate” themselves out of it. It feels like wisdom. “It’s not the right time,” they say.
Or, “I don’t want to rock the boat.”
Or the classic, “It’s who I am.” We are all meaning-making beings. And our most powerful drive isn’t truth or happiness. It’s consistency. We can’t see ourselves as a good, smart person and at the same time act like a coward. So we reconstruct a belief system to make our inaction not just acceptable, but noble. The procrastinator isn’t lazy; he’s a perfectionist, waiting for the ideal conditions that never come. The person who stays in a soul-draining job isn’t afraid; they’re “being responsible for their family.” They find all the “practical reasons” to make inaction look like the right thing to do.
Existentialist Albert Camus said,
“Those who lack the courage will always find a philosophy to justify it.”
He who lacks courage will invent a why not.
People are brilliant at making up stories to justify what they refuse to do. The scarier the leap, the stronger the stories they tell themselves.
And the stories are convincing, don’t they?
“Now’s not the right time.” “I have responsibilities.” “It’s too risky, especially now.” It’s all logical, safe, even admirable. Sometimes, safe usually means scared. Risky means meaningful. Responsibilities mean hiding behind other people’s needs so you never have to face your own. But wake up ten years later and you’ll have a list of regrets. Except at that time, you’ll be too tired to even do anything about them. That’s the cost of justifying fear. You make peace with stagnation. Courage to do or be might not guarantee the great life you want. You might still fall flat. You’ll feel stupid. But at least you’re in motion. At least you’re alive. And waking up all of yourself.
“Live to the point of tears,” says existentialist Albert Camus.
Better that than live to the point of boredom. The time to see through your own “justifications” is now. When you catch yourself rationalising, get back to the one question that works wonders for me. “Am I being wise, or am I being scared?” You’ll know the answer. You always know. Spot the justification in real-time. The philosophy of fear will always feel rational, safe, and logical. Courage will feel reckless and uncomfortable. Which one do you think builds a life worth living?
Waste no more time overthinking what your life could be.
Live it.
Start by changing how you talk to yourself. Replace “I can’t” with “I won’t” or “I’m scared to.” Feel the difference? “I can’t ask for the promotion” becomes “I’m scared to ask for the promotion and face rejection.” That is the ugly, uncomfortable truth. And truth, however uncomfortable, is the only foundation to build on. A justification is a trap door that leads to regret. Try fearless leaps with small daily actions. Choose the difficult truth over the comfortable lie. Every time you do this, you fire the “master negotiator” in your head who’s working overtime to get you off the hook. You stop building a philosophy to justify your limits.
And start building a life that defies them.
Camus was a realist. Everyone is afraid. The choice is what you do with that fear. Do you let it take over your entire worldview, or do you see it for what it is? A feeling, not a fact. Your philosophy for life should set you free to live. You can hold onto your justifications. And your excuses as wisdom. You can build an entire intellectual fortress around inaction. And from inside those walls, you will always be right. You’ll be safe, consistent, and perfectly justified.
Or, you can be real.
You can admit the fear, feel it, and do the thing anyway. You can choose the uncertain, and terrifying path of action. You might be wrong. You might look foolish. You will definitely feel vulnerable. But that vulnerability is the price of entry for a life that is actually yours.
Fear is democratic.
Everyone gets a share. But courage is scarce. That’s why the few who act look reckless to the many who watch. The watchers build their safe little systems. “I’m not writing that book; nobody reads anymore.” Convenient philosophies. A ready-made protection against the shame of not trying. We forget that every philosophy has a price tag. The price of courage is risk, pain, and embarrassment. The price of cowardice is regret. And regret is interest-bearing.
It compounds.
You don’t notice it at first, then suddenly you’re paying triple. Take love, take work, take art. It’s the same pattern. The “safe” path always looks noble in real time. Later, it’s a trap. Ask anyone in their seventies what they regret. They rarely say, “I regret trying too hard.” They say, “I wish I’d had the guts.” Always guts. Never theories. What I’ve learned over the years is that you can’t argue your way out of fear. Fear loves arguments. Fear thrives in negotiations, pros-and-cons lists, and late-night overthinking.
The only antidote is action.
Any action.
Motion changes everything. Small steps, even the so called stupid steps. Action kills the philosophy of fear. When Camus says the coward will always find a philosophy, I hear a dare. Don’t be the guy with the airtight theory. Be the one in motion. One day, the excuses won’t matter. The stories you told yourself won’t matter. What will matter is whether you tried or stayed on the ledge. And if you’re still on the ledge, all that “philosophy” was just a trap. Your philosophy should be a tool for living, not an excuse for not living. Stop justifying the standstill.
The courage to live is not the absence of philosophy.
It’s the willingness to tear down what doesn’t serve you and build a new one. With every brave choice, daily.
Written by Thomas Oppong
The wisdom of great minds. My essays cross between psychology, philosophy and self-improvement.
Published in Personal Growth
Practical wisdom for life drawn from philosophy, psychology, spirituality and personal experiences.
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達斯朵也夫斯基之天下本無事 - Tom Addison
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達斯朵也夫斯基是我最喜歡，也是我書架上收藏著作最多的文學家；他的傳記我就有三本。在人性和倫理學的了解上，他對我的啟發和影響非常大。自然樂於介紹他的觀點。
This Sentence From Dostoyevsky Will Make You Laugh and Cry at the Same Time
Here’s one for all you overthinkers
Tom Addison, 10/09/25
Some studies suggest that the average person has over 6000 thoughts a day. Older studies, however, suggest we can have up to ten times that amount, with people having up to 60,000 thoughts in a single day.
Either way, we think… a lot.
You could even say that we’re serial overthinkers.
At the end of the day, it’s impossible not to overthink sometimes because, as homo sapiens, we’ve been programmed to always be thinking. Our brains have been developed in a way that constantly scans for threats and danger.
We’re designed to worry, replay events in our minds, and anticipate the worst-case scenario. But let’s not get too primal and anthropological, at least not in this article. There’s nothing wrong with thinking hard.
However, there’s a big difference between thinking hard and overthinking.
Talking and thinking about overthinking, I recently came across a quote from the great Russian writer Fyodor Dostoyevsky. Initially, it made me literally chuckle out loud. Later on, though, when I had some time to digest it, just like many other Dostoyevsky quotes, his words carry a more profound sense of meaning to me.
Dostoyevsky said:
“I swear to you that to think too much is a disease, a real, actual disease.”
Excessive overthinking means excessive worry. Needless anxiety. Painful psychological suffering.
Paralysis from analysis.
A sense of mental exhaustion.
A false distortion of reality.
And god forbid, mental disease, actual mental disease.
I don’t know whether Dostoyevsky was joking when he wrote that. Either way, whether he was or wasn’t, his words ring ridiculously true to me.
It made me question and confront myself, because I’m not going to lie — sometimes I am an overthinker. I’m the type of guy who tends to jump to conclusions and imagine the worst-case scenario first, and immediately think on my feet.
Thinking worst-case first, for the most part, has served me pretty well, but there have also been times when it hasn’t, which I’ll cover in another article at some point.
I’ll admit, my tendency to occasionally overthink is a problem I’m much better at solving nowadays than I used to be. Although, like always, there is a permanent void for improvement.
Dostoyevsky may have written that line 150 years ago, but you can’t help but think he wrote it for us guys living in the 21st century. Or, maybe overthinking is a modern-day epidemic? Maybe overthinking is a key tenet of being a human being? Either way, you can’t help but look inwards.
What do you think?
Want to be notified whenever I publish a new article? Click here. Also, become part of a growing community and subscribe to my Substack for absolutely free!
Written by Tom Addison
I write about personal development, books, and key life lessons I learn. Please, feel free to subscribe. Email me on addisontom2@gmail.com to connect with me.
Published in Change Your Mind Change Your Life
Read short and uplifting articles here to help you shift your thought, so you can see real change in your life and health.
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尼切：走你自己的人生道路 -- Thomas Oppong
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阿朋先生所介紹尼切這個「睿智」頗值得一讀和深思。
依其「語境」或上、下文，“way”這個字可以理解為：「方式」(做事、生活、管理)，或：「風格」(行為、舉止、處世)。
This is Nietzsche’s Best Life Advice I Ever Read
It changed how I live.
Thomas Oppong, 09/03/25
What is the “right” way? To live? To get a good job? To choose a partner? To buy a house? We treat these paths like they’re laws of physics. They’re not. They’re just well-worn trails, taken by generations of people before us. Don’t be too terrified to make these paths your own. Most people confuse common with right. Popular with true. It’s a comforting illusion. The holy grail for our best lives. The right diet. The right career ladder. The right relationship path. The life-changing morning routine. They are all experiments in progress. Everyone’s blueprint for life is supposed to be the gospel truth. But is it?
Not to the controversial philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche.
He notes, “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
People keep trying to sell “the only way.” Self-help books, gurus, lifestyle hacks. They cash in on our hunger for certainty. But the only guaranteed truth is that you’ve got to try your way. The pursuit of the “only right path” could be holding you back. There are no specific rules for life.
There is no “only way.”
Only interpretations of experiences.
Yours. Mine. Theirs. The refusal to bend your back for someone else’s way of life could be the key to your own best path. Nietzsche’s “no right way” isn’t an excuse. But a challenge is to build your own damn road. To own it, even if it’s rocky, crooked, or doesn’t make sense to anyone else.
“No one can build you the bridge on which you, and only you, must cross the river of life. There may be countless trails and bridges and demigods who would gladly carry you across; but only at the price of pawning and forgoing yourself. There is one path in the world that none can walk but you. Where does it lead? Don’t ask, walk!” — Friedrich Nietzsche, Schopenhauer as Educator
There is no universal playbook.
One self-help guru swears by waking up at 5 a.m. “It changed my life.” Another insists on staying up till 3 a.m. “That’s when I do my best work.” Both are right, for them. Wrong for me. That’s the point. What works for me may not work for you. That’s why I believe “All life is an experiment.” You get trial and error. Wrong turns. Right turns. U-turns. Detours you didn’t want but needed. Some people like to climb the corporate ladder. Others quit to pursue their side hustles. Who’s right? Neither. Both. It depends on the person and the experience.
And the appetite for risk.
The same with relationships. Some people marry young and feel amazing. Others wait until forty. Others never marry at all. You can’t universalize a path without crushing individuality. Some people juggle multiple projects at once, living off caffeine and deadlines. Others would burn out in that setup. They need routine, structure, nine-to-five rituals. Which one is “right”? Neither. Both. Depends on who you are. Or who you ask. The only wrong path is copying someone else’s path blindly because you’re too scared to find out what works for you.
Now, does that mean anything goes?
Not quite. There are still consequences. But most of the stuff we think about. How to live, love, work, or think isn’t about right vs. wrong. It’s about fit. And fit is personal.
What feels like a trap to me might feel like freedom to you. My path might look like a disaster to you, but to me it’s fuel. You don’t need a manual to figure everything out. And you definitely don’t need to follow the “good” road just because it’s paved and well-lit. Do things “your way” for a change. And double down on what works. That’s how I found my path. You make a choice. You try something. If it works, you keep going. If it fails, you adjust. You don’t “find” your purpose.
You build it, day by day, decision by decision. “Is this my thing to do?” is a better approach to life. Of course, this truth makes people uncomfortable. Institutions, religion, school, and corporate culture hate it. Their whole power structure depends on convincing you there is one right way, and lucky you, they have it. It’s efficient control. Follow the formula, don’t ask questions, pay your dues. Neat little rows of obedient lives. Nietzsche wants you to be responsible for yourself. To forget the right way. Forget the only way. Take your way.
Trip over it, dance on it, burn it down if you have to.
But make sure it’s yours.
As terrifying and exhilarating as the burden may be. If there is no pre-ordained “right way,” then the responsibility for your way falls entirely on you. Your choices. Your values. Your mistakes. You can’t hide behind “that’s just how it’s done” anymore. You are completely in charge.
Your way is just that: yours.
The goal is to realise you’re already on the way you made yourself. There is no right way. There is only your way.
Nothing’s worse than reaching the end of a road only to realize you were walking someone else’s. But walking your own way is terrifying. You’ll lose friends. You’ll piss people off. You’ll look insane to your family members. Who doesn’t want the safe job, the safe marriage, or the safe retirement plan? If there’s one way, then you can’t screw up. You just follow the steps, like assembling Ikea furniture. But life isn’t Ikea. It’s more like a garage sale. You sort through things until you find something worth keeping. Nietzsche knew that. That’s why he questioned every “universal truth” he was taught. Morality, religion, society’s rules.
He wanted honesty.
He wanted you to face the scary fact that no single rule can work for you. What’s scarier? Living wrong by your own rules, or living right by someone else’s? Be honest. You already know the answer. The forbidden truth is the gut check when you say yes to something that feels dead inside. It’s your own voice. “Hold on, this isn’t my way.” You’ve heard that before. But do you listen? And if you listen, you will start to build a life that feels like yours. That’s the defiance Nietzsche wanted but maybe couldn’t outright preach. Don’t get hypnotised by the idea of the way. There is no “the.” Stop looking for the one right way. It doesn’t exist. Never did. Make your way. And own it. There is only “yours.”
You’ll never find the way. You’ll only ever find your way.
Written by Thomas Oppong
The wisdom of great minds. My essays cross between psychology, philosophy and self-improvement.
Published in Personal Growth
Practical wisdom for life drawn from philosophy, psychology, spirituality and personal experiences.
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似非而是、乍苦實甜的4句話 -- Andy Murphy
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4 Quotes That Will First Piss You Off — But Then Set You Free
They have all shaped the person I am today
Andy Murphy, 11/18/25
Some truths are more uncomfortable than a colonoscopy.
A colonoscopy is a procedure that lets a healthcare provider check the inside of your colon. The procedure is done using a long, flexible tube called a colonoscope — hence the name.
The tube has a light and a tiny camera on one end, and it’s put in the rectum and moved into the colon to see what’s going on.
Spiritual truths enter through a similarly painful hole before illuminating hidden parts within.
In my experience, that light can be life-changing, even if it is disturbing at first.
The four quotes I’ve chosen today might feel like a psychological colonoscopy, but a saying I’ve held close to me during times of uncertainty is, “The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.”
I’m all about truth, freedom, and transformation. Sometimes that’s uncomfortable, but if I stay with it long enough, it often turns out to be some of the most valuable wisdom I can draw upon later.
So, let’s get to it.
1. “A man who steps in the same river twice is not the same man, and it’s not the same river.” — Heraclitus 世事無常
For many years, I had anxiety. I had it so long that I thought it was just a part of who I am. A part of my makeup. Not my genes necessarily, but something equally damning.
Then I started meditating, practicing breathwork, and taking plant medicines, and I quickly saw that I’m more energy and less matter, more wave and less particle.
So my anxiety was real, but it was temporary. Like a cloud passing overhead.
These few words changed everything for me because it poetically described the impermanence of life and gave me hope that things can (and will) change. Which it did.
2. “If everyone likes you, it probably means you aren’t saying much.” – Donna Brazile 寧眾醉獨醒 勿隨流揚波
A part of why I was so anxious was because I was so worried about what other people thought of me. I avoided conflict like the plague and wanted to fit in wherever I could.
My plan worked, but at the cost of my mental and physical health.
One of the most confronting things I’ve ever had to do is learn to take criticism and rejection as a part of being myself.
My authenticity isn’t going to be liked by everyone, and I have to accept that, just like I can’t love everyone else’s version of truth.
Writing has been a big teacher in that way. Not everyone is going to like my writing. And that’s ok. Donna Brazile gave me the confidence to know that it’s inevitable not to be liked if I’m being true to myself which I’ve promised to do.
So I had to make peace with that a long time ago.
Liking someone and being kind to them are two separate things.
I don’t have to like you, but I can be kind. I can still respect you as a human being who’s doing your best in life. And I hope you’d treat me the same.
I think those two things are often in conflict with one another. It seems that many people must like someone to be kind to them. But I’ve found that I grow more when I’m in disagreement with someone but we can still connect.
Disagreement doesn’t equal disconnection. Or at least it doesn’t have to.
3. “When you can bear your own silence, you are free.” – Mooji 自反而縮，雖千萬人，吾往矣
For about 10 years, I tried to numb my pain. I distracted myself with TV shows and YouTube videos. Then later, I used alcohol and drugs.
It worked well but 10 years later, I was still in the same pain I was in before. So, I had to reconcile with something Robert Frost once said, “The only way out is through.”
That’s when I signed up for my first ten-day Vipassana meditation course and faced myself for the first time.
There was something shocking about sitting still with my eyes closed but feeling utterly trapped. Silence was excruciatingly loud.
Until it wasn't. Then it was rather beautiful.
That’s when I understood what true freedom truly is, and ever since then, I’ve been getting to know myself more intimately as a result.
4. “Whatever is rejected from the self, appears in the world as an event.” — Carl Jung ??? (「自我改進」？「吾日三省吾身」？)：庸人自擾
This happened to me time and time again when I was suffering from anxiety.
Because I hid and suppressed it deep inside, life brought me people and events that would make me anxious, so I could look at it.
“If you reject a part of you, you expel it from your psyche and place it on the external world, so it is now an external event.” — Carl Jung
That’s what happens when emotions are denied or suppressed. It’s like holding a beach ball underwater. Eventually, when our guard drops, it will shoot to the surface.
It was only when I started working with my anxiety holistically — with diet, mindfulness practices, and psychedelic therapy — that it slowly began to release its menacing grip.
It was hard to face but even harder to ignore. When those scales tip, there’s only one thing left to do, however scary it might be.
In the end, there’s nothing to fear except fear itself.
I found that I’m not that bad or scary, after all. And that I can love myself as much as I love everyone else.
Written by Andy Murphy
Spreading joy through writing and breathwork https://www.somabreath.com/#a_aid=AndyMurphy
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弗洛伊德所了解的「人生」 -- Tom Addison
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我讀過幾本弗洛伊德的短篇著作，以及幾本介紹他學說的書；對他的理論並不熟悉。不過，我不完全同意波普認為「心理分析」(或馬克思理論)是「偽科學」的說法；我認為：弗洛伊德的睿智遠超過他當時「理論/知識」的水平；因此，他只能靠臆想來解釋他的「見解」。例如，今天我們可以用「未被啟動」(定義2)的大腦神經連接網路，來說明「潛意識」。此處可參閱拙作《唯物人文觀》。
我並不完全接受弗洛伊德的「心理分析」理論，但我相當尊敬他這位學者。在此推薦他對「人生」的看法。建議各位仔細閱讀和深入體會；我就不標示下文作者闡述中的重點。
9 Mind-Bending Sigmund Freud Quotes That’ll Make You Contemplate Life
Haunting yet wonderful quotes from the godfather of modern psychology.
Tom Addison, 11/12/25
Sigmund Freud changed the face of psychology and took our understanding of the human mind to a whole new dimension. Period.
As controversial (and as weird) as some of Freud’s work is, one thing you can’t argue is his incredible, wonderful way with words, the kind that sometimes makes you go ‘fuck!’
So, let’s get into it.
Here are 9 Mind-Bending Quotes from the one and only Sigmund Freud:
1. “One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.”
It goes without saying that human beings thrive off struggle. Obviously, it never feels like it at the time, but it’s the struggles we encounter in life that bring out the best in us.
It’s only when we look back that we begin to realise how much we’re actually grateful for the difficulties we faced along the way.
2. “It is not so much that man is a herd animal, but that he is a horde animal led by a chief.”
There are over 8 billion people on this planet. Needless to say, that’s a lot of folk. Yet even though there are so many people, we still dance to the tune of the very few people in a position of power, aka: the chiefs.
3. “Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise.”
You can lie to others and get away with it. However, you can never (ever) fully 100% lie to be dishonest with yourself.
You know full well when what you’re saying is bullshit, and if it is, have the balls and courage to call yourself out on it.
4. “Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility.”
Take on some responsibility. Take on as much as you can physically and mentally.
With a sense of responsibility comes a great sense of freedom, because that’s when you realise what you’re truly capable of.
5. “Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.”
They say you should always try to find a way to express your emotions for a reason.
Because if you don’t, all that anger, frustration, and resentment will eventually come back to bite you.
Needless to say, when it does, it won’t be pretty.
6. “Out of your vulnerabilities will come your strengths.”
It’s as simple as this:
Human beings are designed to become better and stronger through struggle.
The more you confront your vulnerabilities right now, the better, more resilient, more well-rounded, and stronger you’ll be in the future.
7. “The madman is a dreamer awake.”
I can’t remember who said it, but I once heard a quote along the lines of:
“The difference between a normal person and a crazy person is that the crazy person just says the thoughts everyone else is thinking.”
It reminds me of this Freud quote.
8. “The only person with whom you have to compare yourself is you in the past.”
It doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing. It only matters what you’re doing.
Instead of constantly playing games and comparing yourself to others who are on a different path, focus your attention inward. If you constantly play the comparison game, you will never truly be happy and satisfied with yourself and life.
9. “The more perfect a person is on the outside, the more demons they have on the inside.”
Never assume that the mask someone wears on the outside reflects what’s going on within.
People often put on a facade that hides deep cracks buried beneath the surface.
So yeah, never take anything at face value.
Face value lies all the time.
Want to be notified whenever I publish a new article? Click here.
Also, please become part of a growing community and subscribe to my Substack for free!
Written by Tom Addison
I write about personal development, books, and key life lessons I learn. Please, feel free to subscribe. Email me on addisontom2@gmail.com to connect with me.
Published in Change Your Mind Change Your Life
Read short and uplifting articles here to help you shift your thought, so you can see real change in your life and health.
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或許能讓你開竅的19句大智慧 -- Andy Murphy
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19 Eye-Popping Quotes That Are All One Sentence Long
From some of the greatest minds in history
Andy Murphy, 10/01/25
This is a fast-paced piece about love, life, and everything in between.
It contains some of my favourite people talking about some of my favourite things: philosophy, spirituality, and what it means to live a happy and harmonious life.
Although it’s fast, I encourage you to read slow. A lot can happen in three minutes if we allow time to extend. (學而不思則罔)
I’ll see you on the other side.
“He who is not contented with what he has would not be contented with what he would like to have.” — Socrates
Epicurus put it another way — “Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not.”
“Happiness is not at the top of the mountain, but in how you climb.” — Confucius (我記不起這一句！)
Life is a process of becoming, not arriving.
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” — Mahatma Gandhi
This is the holy trinity of alignment.
“Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.” — Albert Schweitzer
It put this in because it makes me smile. Sometimes, it pays to forget and forgive the past.
“Where your talents and the needs of the world cross, there lies your vocation. (韋伯的「志業」)” — Aristotle
There is always an intersection where these two points meet. My life changed when I found it.
“The unexamined life is not worth living.” — Socrates
Self-reflection is a beautiful thing.
“Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love; it will not lead you astray.” — Rumi
Or as he later went on to say: “Your heart knows the way. Run in that direction.”
“He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the universe.” — Marcus Aurelius
We’re governed by the same rules.
“Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.” — Dalai Lama
Or as Liana Naima said: “Allow people to have their moods, and allow those moods to have nothing to do with you.”
“Try to accept the changing seasons of your heart, even if they seem like winter.” — Rumi
Everything is impermanent. Even winter has its beauty.
“Peace begins when expectation ends.” — Sri Chinmoy
“Expectation is the root of all heartache.” — William Shakespeare
“A man who suffers before it is necessary suffers more than is necessary.” — Seneca
The present moment isn’t worried about what’s happened before or what’s to come in the future. Reside there.
“You do not have to struggle to reach God, but you do have to struggle to tear away the self-created veil that hides Him from you.” — Paramahansa Yogananda
Strip back the layers of what Carl Jung called the persona to experience your true self. It’s the part that doesn’t wear a mask or pretend to be anything other than love.
“Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.” — Helen Keller
Every challenge creates an opportunity.
“Forever is composed of nows.” — Emily Dickinson
Eckhart Tolle put it another way — “Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have.”
“Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths.” — Etty Hillesum
So, pause. Connect with your breath. Remember there is always space to relax.
“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” — Pema Chödrön
It’s one of the great ironies of life: Until we process what’s happened to us it will continue to show up in our lives.
“Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.” — Zora Neale Hurston
And once it’s out, it doesn’t like to return.
That’s the beginning of what people call a spiritual awakening.
“Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend.” — Martin Luther King
Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it :)
Let me know if there are any other quotes that should be on this list. I’m always on the lookout for new voices that inspire me.
Also, just a little fun fact: you can clap up to 50 times on a single Medium article. So, if you enjoyed this one, don’t hold back!
Written by Andy Murphy
Spreading joy through writing and breathwork https://www.somabreath.com/#a_aid=AndyMurphy
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別把自己當做世界的中心 ----- Jennifer McDougall
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根據我的觀察和自身經驗：
「把自己當做世界中心」或「認為事事都沖著自己來」的人，有一大半是「自卑者」的防衛機制：這些人認為別人看不起自己；所以：
他/她們時時要維護自己的「尊嚴」；其實旁人並沒有「瞧不起他/她們」的意思，或「根本不是針對他/她們」；只是(自以為被冒犯者)「神經過敏」而已。
Take Nothing Personally: The Mental Shift That Will Set You Free
One of the most profound lessons you’ll ever learn — especially as a high-value woman navigating relationships, career, and personal growth — is this:
Take nothing personally.
Jennifer McDougall, 03/31/25
Not the compliment. Not the criticism.
Not the delay in his response.
Not the job rejection.
Not the friend’s silence.
Not even the betrayal.
Why? Because most people are not reacting to you. They’re reacting to their own internal world — their wounds, conditioning, fears, and unspoken narratives.
And once you understand this deeply — not just intellectually, but spiritually — you unlock an emotional superpower: peace.
This article is your guide to detaching with love, finding power in non-reactivity, and learning how not taking things personally is the quantum leap your mental, emotional, and relational health has been waiting for.
The Root of Taking Things Personally: Ego & Emotional Wounding
We take things personally when we internalize someone else’s behavior as a reflection of our worth. But here’s the truth.
“What people say and do is a projection of their own reality.” — Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements
When you haven’t yet healed your core wounds — fear of abandonment, rejection, not being enough — it’s easy to interpret every micro-behavior through a distorted lens.
* He didn’t text back? You must be boring.
* She didn’t invite you? You must be forgettable.
* Your idea got dismissed in the meeting? You must not be respected.
But what if none of that was about you?
What if he’s emotionally avoidant?
What if she’s insecure and jealous?
What if your boss is overwhelmed and distracted?
You’ve been trying to self-correct things that were never your burden to carry.
Signs You’re Taking Things Personally (Without Realizing It)
Let’s call out the subtle ways it shows up:
* Overthinking text messages and reading between the lines.
* Feeling rejected when someone needs space.
* Assuming silence = dislike.
* Feeling unworthy when someone sets a boundary.
* Taking feedback as failure rather than growth.
These patterns are often subconscious. But they erode your confidence, chip away at your self-trust, and keep you stuck in a loop of emotional reactivity.
The Freedom in Detaching from Projection
Here’s the liberating truth:
* People leave because they aren’t ready.
* People lash out because they are triggered.
* People ghost because they can’t confront discomfort.
* People criticize because they are projecting their inner turmoil.
It’s not personal. It’s programming.
“Other people’s actions are always about them. Your peace comes from choosing whether or not to absorb their projection.” — Dr. Nicole LePera
5 Mental Shifts to Stop Taking Things Personally
Ready to set yourself free? These perspective shifts will help you build emotional immunity.
1. Everyone’s Behavior is a Mirror of Their Inner World
People don’t see you as you — they see you as they are. Through the filters of their trauma, insecurities, and programming.
Affirmation: “Their reaction is not my responsibility. I do not absorb projections.”
2. Silence, Distance, or Detachment Isn’t Rejection
Sometimes people pull back to protect their own peace. Not to punish you.
Affirmation: “I release the need to internalize someone else’s withdrawal. I trust my worth is constant.”
3. Feedback is Information, Not a Personal Attack
If someone offers criticism, receive what’s useful and discard what’s not. Their tone, delivery, or emotional mess is not your emotional burden.
Affirmation: “I am open to growth, but I don’t attach my worth to external opinions.”
4. Boundaries Are Not About You
When someone sets a boundary, it’s not a rejection — it’s an expression of self-respect. Likewise, your boundaries are not attacks on others.
Affirmation: “I honor boundaries — mine and theirs — without making it personal.”
5. Their Capacity ≠ Your Value
How someone shows up in a relationship is not a direct reflection of your lovability — it’s a reflection of their emotional maturity.
Affirmation: “I no longer tie my value to someone’s ability to love or understand me.”
How Taking Nothing Personally Quantum Leaps Your Life
Here’s what shifts when you integrate this lesson deeply:
* Your nervous system regulates. You stop living in hyper-vigilance.
* Your relationships deepen. You connect from truth, not fear.
* Your creativity explodes. You stop holding back out of fear of criticism.
* You attract healthier people. Because you’re no longer magnetized to chaos.
* You embody emotional mastery. You respond, you don’t react.
Detachment Is Not Coldness — It’s Clarity
Jesus, Buddha, Rumi — all spiritual masters taught one powerful principle: detach from ego to access divine peace.
Taking nothing personally is a spiritual practice. It means returning to Source for your identity — not another human’s temporary emotions.
“Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. It is because of themselves.” — Don Miguel Ruiz
When You Do Take It Personally: How to Self-Soothe
You’re human. It’ll still happen. Here’s how to self-regulate when you catch yourself spiraling:
1. Pause. Breathe deeply and say, “This isn’t about me.”
2. Name the wound. “I feel rejected. What does this remind me of?”
3. Shift the story. “They’re in their own storm. I’m not the cause or cure.”
4. Return to your truth. “I am safe, loved, and whole. I don’t need external approval to feel secure.”
5. Bless and release. Even silently. It restores your energy.
Peace Is Found in Non-Reaction
When you take nothing personally, you stop living life on emotional roller coasters controlled by other people’s actions. You become steady. Rooted. Self-contained.
You start choosing your responses instead of being triggered by every external stimulus.
You stop wondering, “Was it me?”
And you start affirming, “It’s not about me — and that’s okay.”
Because your worth isn’t up for debate. Your peace isn’t up for grabs. And your power isn’t tied to anyone else’s perception.
This is your reminder: take nothing personally — and everything peacefully.
Take Nothing Personally
* Most people’s behavior is not about you — it’s about them.
* Not taking things personally is emotional freedom and spiritual strength.
* Detachment is clarity, not coldness.
* Your peace comes from emotional self-containment — not validation.
* You are not responsible for anyone’s reactions, triggers, or projections.
Follow me on Medium and tune in to Life Refined for more soul-shifting conversations on emotional mastery, healing, and becoming a high-value woman rooted in clarity, not chaos.
You were never meant to carry what wasn’t yours to begin with. Let it go.
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Written by Jennifer McDougall
Host of Life Refined podcast🎙 Self-Growth, Relationships, Wellness & Self-Improvement ✨Support my work: https://ko-fi.com/jenmcdougall
Published in Venture
Thought leadership and essential resources for entrepreneurs, indie hackers, and startups.
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