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端正觀念篇 -- 開欄文：8 個錯誤的老生常談 -- Singh Bhai
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8 Psychology “Truths” Everyone Believes (But Science Says Are Wrong)

“Truths” That Are Actually Complete Nonsense

Singh Bhai, 02/26/25

Some things just won’t die. Urban legends, bad fashion trends, your neighbor’s belief that their dog understands full sentences. And, of course, some myths which a whole lot of it is just nonsense.

Some of these myths are so baked into conversations that they feel true. Like, really feel true.

Here are eight of them like that

1. “Opposites Attract” (Yeah, in Sitcoms, Maybe)

Okay, so, if this one were actually real, half of Tinder would be a lot less miserable.

People love this idea — that two people who are complete opposites in every way will, against all odds, fall madly in love, teach each other valuable life lessons, and somehow make it work. Kind of like a rom-com, except with slightly more passive-aggressive arguments about how one person is a total slob and the other color-codes their fridge.

Studies show that people usually (as in, most of the time, nearly always, bet-your-house-on-it levels of “usually”) pick partners who share their values, habits, and even general outlook on life.

So, liking the same stuff and thinking about the world in similar ways tends to make things run a little smoother.

Opposites don’t attract. They irritate each other for a bit, maybe, but long-term it’s mostly just noise (Maybe is applied).

2. More Money = More Happiness (Forever)

Right, so, money does buy happiness. Let’s not be ridiculous.

The whole “money doesn’t matter” thing is something that rich people say while sipping hand-pressed coffee in a house with more bathrooms than occupants.

Studies show that happiness and financial security are very much linked — up to a point.

Source: visualcapitalist.com 請至原網頁觀看統計圖

Somewhere around $75,000 a year (which, given inflation, is probably looking more like “enough to not panic when your car makes a weird noise”).

Source: visualcapitals.com (Money Can Buy Happiness After All) 請至原網頁觀看統計圖

After that, The curve flattens. More money doesn’t necessarily make you happier, it just removes certain problems. Which is still great! But once you’ve hit that sweet spot where bills are paid, stress is lower, and you’re not stuck deciding between food or rent, money stops being a straight shot to bliss.

At that point, happiness comes from other things, like having friends, doing things you enjoy, and not being an insufferable human being.

3. Your Thoughts Are Always Your Own

Your brain is constantly stealing ideas in a way that makes you think your thoughts are original when they’re really just borrowed. Psychologists call this cryptomnesia — when you absorb information from books, conversations, social media, or some guy on a podcast and then later believe you came up with it yourself.

Your brain remembers the fact but not where it came from and it’s called source amnesia.

Now apply that to news headlines, social media, and advertising. If you see the same message repeated over and over, it doesn’t just influence your thinking — it becomes part of your internal dialogue. You think you formed that opinion, but in reality, your brain just picked up whatever it was fed the most.

4. Willpower Is the Key to Success

Some people think willpower is like it’s some kind of internal fuel tank — either you have enough of it to succeed, or you don’t. If you’re struggling? Just try harder.

Except, that’s not how human behavior works.

First, let’s talk about ego depletion — the idea that willpower is a finite resource that runs out the more you use it.

Ever notice how sticking to a diet is easy in the morning but by nighttime, you’re inhaling a family-sized bag of chips? That’s not just bad choices — it’s mental exhaustion. Your brain gets tired of self-control, especially when it’s constantly being tested.

Here’s the secret: your brain loves routines. It craves them. Once a behavior is wired into a habit loop — cue → action → reward — it stops requiring willpower at all.

A study from Duke University (Wood et al., 2002) found that about 45% of our daily actions are automatic habits, not conscious decisions. That means almost half of what you do every day isn’t based on willpower — it’s just routine.

So you don’t need to try harder, you need to change your habits so that good choices happen without thinking.

5. Your Brain Stops Changing After Childhood

Wouldn’t it be nice if your brain just settled down after childhood, locked in all the good habits, and stopped pulling weird tricks on you? Unfortunately, that’s not how this thing works.

Your brain isn’t some freshly poured cement that dries by the time you hit your teenage years.

Neuroscientists have spent years proving that neuroplasticity — the brain’s ability to rewire itself — is not just some childhood feature that disappears once you hit puberty.

When you learn new skills, Your brain builds new pathways, and when You stop using certain skills your brain forgets them (RIP high school algebra).

The point is, that you can keep learning, adapting, and changing no matter how old you are. So if you were planning on using the “I’m too old to change” excuse, maybe you can reconsider it again.

6. Talking About Trauma Makes It Worse

Right, so, shoving feelings into a metaphorical basement and hoping they just die of neglect is Not a great plan.

There’s this weird belief that talking about painful experiences somehow gives them power, like saying Voldemort’s name. Except, what actually happens when you refuse to deal with stuff is it sits there and festers.

Studies show that avoiding trauma makes it worse while processing it — Maybe through therapy, journaling, or talking to someone who isn’t a houseplant — actually helps your brain make sense of it.

Bottling up emotions doesn’t make them go away. It just turns them into anxiety, insomnia, and weirdly intense reactions to things that shouldn’t set you off.

7. Cognitive Dissonance Only Happens to Irrational People

If this were true, no one on earth would own a gym membership and not use it.

Cognitive dissonance is an uncomfortable feeling you get when your actions don’t match up with your beliefs.

Like, say, when you buy organic groceries but also eat an entire sleeve of Oreos in one sitting. Or when you preach about budgeting and then somehow convince yourself that this impulse purchase is totally different.

It’s not an “irrational people” problem. It’s an everyone problem. Brains hate contradictions, so they do all sorts of mental gymnastics to explain why what they’re doing makes sense — even when it really, really doesn’t.

That is why people will convince themselves that they liked something just because they suffered for it.

8. Smell isn’t connected to memory

The smell is one of the strongest memory triggers because it’s processed in the same part of the brain that deals with emotions and long-term recollections.

That’s why something as simple as a familiar scent — freshly cut grass, an old book, your ex’s perfume — can send you straight back to a moment in time, way more vividly than a picture ever could, or at least cause a Dejavu effect.

That’s why going into a musty basement always reminds you of your grandma’s house.

Wait a Sec

I share insights like this every 2–3/week — ones that actually change how you think in my newsletter (TheOpenBook). Don’t miss the next one.

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卡木談「起而行」 -- Thomas Oppong
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卡木是我最喜歡的三位文學家和三位哲學家之一；另外兩位文學家是：卡夫卡和達斯妥也夫斯基。另外兩位哲學家則是：尼切和孔老夫子。

歐朋先生下文所引述和申論的卡木箴言，據《AI摘要》的說法，並非直接引述，而是綜合他思想(或類似文字)而來。卡木作品中我最喜歡的一本是《沉淪》，其主旨就在體現這句箴言。我大力推荐下文和這本小說。記得在某處讀到：沙垂認為《沉淪》是卡木著作中最重要的一本。

談到行動，其實我們也可以用輕鬆的方式來切入。我介紹過《I’d Rather Be Sorry》這首歌，再次推薦；它會加深你對卡木這句箴言的印象。

A Camus Quote So Powerful, It Might Change Your Life

The one truth to face life’s absurdities.

Thomas Oppong, 09/05/25

Most people don’t fail because they can’t. They fail because they won’t. Right before they are supposed to speak up, ask for the raise, end the bad relationship, or just change something that desperately needs changing, they “negotiate” themselves out of it. It feels like wisdom. “It’s not the right time,” they say.

Or, “I don’t want to rock the boat.”

Or the classic, “It’s who I am.” We are all meaning-making beings. And our most powerful drive isn’t truth or happiness. It’s consistency. We can’t see ourselves as a good, smart person and at the same time act like a coward. So we reconstruct a belief system to make our inaction not just acceptable, but noble. The procrastinator isn’t lazy; he’s a perfectionist, waiting for the ideal conditions that never come. The person who stays in a soul-draining job isn’t afraid; they’re “being responsible for their family.” They find all the “practical reasons” to make inaction look like the right thing to do.

Existentialist Albert Camus said,

“Those who lack the courage will always find a philosophy to justify it.”

He who lacks courage will invent a why not.

People are brilliant at making up stories to justify what they refuse to do. The scarier the leap, the stronger the stories they tell themselves.

And the stories are convincing, don’t they?

“Now’s not the right time.” “I have responsibilities.” “It’s too risky, especially now.” It’s all logical, safe, even admirable. Sometimes, safe usually means scared. Risky means meaningful. Responsibilities mean hiding behind other people’s needs so you never have to face your own. But wake up ten years later and you’ll have a list of regrets. Except at that time, you’ll be too tired to even do anything about them. That’s the cost of justifying fear. You make peace with stagnation. Courage to do or be might not guarantee the great life you want. You might still fall flat. You’ll feel stupid. But at least you’re in motion. At least you’re alive. And waking up all of yourself.

“Live to the point of tears,” says existentialist Albert Camus.

Better that than live to the point of boredom. The time to see through your own “justifications” is now. When you catch yourself rationalising, get back to the one question that works wonders for me. “Am I being wise, or am I being scared?” You’ll know the answer. You always know. Spot the justification in real-time. The philosophy of fear will always feel rational, safe, and logical. Courage will feel reckless and uncomfortable. Which one do you think builds a life worth living?

Waste no more time overthinking what your life could be.

Live it.

Start by changing how you talk to yourself. Replace “I can’t” with “I won’t” or “I’m scared to.” Feel the difference? “I can’t ask for the promotion” becomes “I’m scared to ask for the promotion and face rejection.” That is the ugly, uncomfortable truth. And truth, however uncomfortable, is the only foundation to build on. A justification is a trap door that leads to regret. Try fearless leaps with small daily actions. Choose the difficult truth over the comfortable lie. Every time you do this, you fire the “master negotiator” in your head who’s working overtime to get you off the hook. You stop building a philosophy to justify your limits.

And start building a life that defies them.

Camus was a realist. Everyone is afraid. The choice is what you do with that fear. Do you let it take over your entire worldview, or do you see it for what it is? A feeling, not a fact. Your philosophy for life should set you free to live. You can hold onto your justifications. And your excuses as wisdom. You can build an entire intellectual fortress around inaction. And from inside those walls, you will always be right. You’ll be safe, consistent, and perfectly justified.

Or, you can be real.

You can admit the fear, feel it, and do the thing anyway. You can choose the uncertain, and terrifying path of action. You might be wrong. You might look foolish. You will definitely feel vulnerable. But that vulnerability is the price of entry for a life that is actually yours.

Fear is democratic.

Everyone gets a share. But courage is scarce. That’s why the few who act look reckless to the many who watch. The watchers build their safe little systems. “I’m not writing that book; nobody reads anymore.” Convenient philosophies. A ready-made protection against the shame of not trying. We forget that every philosophy has a price tag. The price of courage is risk, pain, and embarrassment. The price of cowardice is regret. And regret is interest-bearing.

It compounds.

You don’t notice it at first, then suddenly you’re paying triple. Take love, take work, take art. It’s the same pattern. The “safe” path always looks noble in real time. Later, it’s a trap. Ask anyone in their seventies what they regret. They rarely say, “I regret trying too hard.” They say, “I wish I’d had the guts.” Always guts. Never theories. What I’ve learned over the years is that you can’t argue your way out of fear. Fear loves arguments. Fear thrives in negotiations, pros-and-cons lists, and late-night overthinking.

The only antidote is action.

Any action.

Motion changes everything. Small steps, even the so called stupid steps. Action kills the philosophy of fear. When Camus says the coward will always find a philosophy, I hear a dare. Don’t be the guy with the airtight theory. Be the one in motion. One day, the excuses won’t matter. The stories you told yourself won’t matter. What will matter is whether you tried or stayed on the ledge. And if you’re still on the ledge, all that “philosophy” was just a trap. Your philosophy should be a tool for living, not an excuse for not living. Stop justifying the standstill.

The courage to live is not the absence of philosophy.

It’s the willingness to tear down what doesn’t serve you and build a new one. With every brave choice, daily.

Written by Thomas Oppong

The wisdom of great minds. My essays cross between psychology, philosophy and self-improvement.

Published in Personal Growth

Practical wisdom for life drawn from philosophy, psychology, spirituality and personal experiences.

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達斯朵也夫斯基之天下本無事 - Tom Addison
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達斯朵也夫斯基是我最喜歡，也是我書架上收藏著作最多的文學家；他的傳記我就有三本。在人性和倫理學的了解上，他對我的啟發和影響非常大。自然樂於介紹他的觀點。

This Sentence From Dostoyevsky Will Make You Laugh and Cry at the Same Time

Here’s one for all you overthinkers

Tom Addison, 10/09/25

Some studies suggest that the average person has over 6000 thoughts a day. Older studies, however, suggest we can have up to ten times that amount, with people having up to 60,000 thoughts in a single day.

Either way, we think… a lot.

You could even say that we’re serial overthinkers.

At the end of the day, it’s impossible not to overthink sometimes because, as homo sapiens, we’ve been programmed to always be thinking. Our brains have been developed in a way that constantly scans for threats and danger.

We’re designed to worry, replay events in our minds, and anticipate the worst-case scenario. But let’s not get too primal and anthropological, at least not in this article. There’s nothing wrong with thinking hard.

However, there’s a big difference between thinking hard and overthinking.

Talking and thinking about overthinking, I recently came across a quote from the great Russian writer Fyodor Dostoyevsky. Initially, it made me literally chuckle out loud. Later on, though, when I had some time to digest it, just like many other Dostoyevsky quotes, his words carry a more profound sense of meaning to me.

Dostoyevsky said:

“I swear to you that to think too much is a disease, a real, actual disease.”

Excessive overthinking means excessive worry. Needless anxiety. Painful psychological suffering.

Paralysis from analysis.
A sense of mental exhaustion.
A false distortion of reality.
And god forbid, mental disease, actual mental disease.

I don’t know whether Dostoyevsky was joking when he wrote that. Either way, whether he was or wasn’t, his words ring ridiculously true to me.

It made me question and confront myself, because I’m not going to lie — sometimes I am an overthinker. I’m the type of guy who tends to jump to conclusions and imagine the worst-case scenario first, and immediately think on my feet.

Thinking worst-case first, for the most part, has served me pretty well, but there have also been times when it hasn’t, which I’ll cover in another article at some point.

I’ll admit, my tendency to occasionally overthink is a problem I’m much better at solving nowadays than I used to be. Although, like always, there is a permanent void for improvement.

Dostoyevsky may have written that line 150 years ago, but you can’t help but think he wrote it for us guys living in the 21st century. Or, maybe overthinking is a modern-day epidemic? Maybe overthinking is a key tenet of being a human being? Either way, you can’t help but look inwards.

What do you think?

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Written by Tom Addison

I write about personal development, books, and key life lessons I learn. Please, feel free to subscribe. Email me on addisontom2@gmail.com to connect with me.

Published in Change Your Mind Change Your Life

Read short and uplifting articles here to help you shift your thought, so you can see real change in your life and health.

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尼切：走你自己的人生道路 -- Thomas Oppong
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尼切是我比較熟悉的哲學家；我深受他的影響或「開啟」，尤其在倫理學方面。阿朋先生所介紹他這個「睿智」頗值得一讀和深思。

依其「語境」或上、下文，“way”這個字可以理解為：「方式」(做事、生活、管理)，或：「風格」(行為、舉止、處世)。

This is Nietzsche’s Best Life Advice I Ever Read

It changed how I live.

Thomas Oppong, 09/03/25

What is the “right” way? To live? To get a good job? To choose a partner? To buy a house? We treat these paths like they’re laws of physics. They’re not. They’re just well-worn trails, taken by generations of people before us. Don’t be too terrified to make these paths your own. Most people confuse common with right. Popular with true. It’s a comforting illusion. The holy grail for our best lives. The right diet. The right career ladder. The right relationship path. The life-changing morning routine. They are all experiments in progress. Everyone’s blueprint for life is supposed to be the gospel truth. But is it?

Not to the controversial philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche.

He notes, “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”

People keep trying to sell “the only way.” Self-help books, gurus, lifestyle hacks. They cash in on our hunger for certainty. But the only guaranteed truth is that you’ve got to try your way. The pursuit of the “only right path” could be holding you back. There are no specific rules for life.

There is no “only way.”

Only interpretations of experiences.

Yours. Mine. Theirs. The refusal to bend your back for someone else’s way of life could be the key to your own best path. Nietzsche’s “no right way” isn’t an excuse. But a challenge is to build your own damn road. To own it, even if it’s rocky, crooked, or doesn’t make sense to anyone else.

“No one can build you the bridge on which you, and only you, must cross the river of life. There may be countless trails and bridges and demigods who would gladly carry you across; but only at the price of pawning and forgoing yourself. There is one path in the world that none can walk but you. Where does it lead? Don’t ask, walk!” — Friedrich Nietzsche, Schopenhauer as Educator

There is no universal playbook.

One self-help guru swears by waking up at 5 a.m. “It changed my life.” Another insists on staying up till 3 a.m. “That’s when I do my best work.” Both are right, for them. Wrong for me. That’s the point. What works for me may not work for you. That’s why I believe “All life is an experiment.” You get trial and error. Wrong turns. Right turns. U-turns. Detours you didn’t want but needed. Some people like to climb the corporate ladder. Others quit to pursue their side hustles. Who’s right? Neither. Both. It depends on the person and the experience.

And the appetite for risk.

The same with relationships. Some people marry young and feel amazing. Others wait until forty. Others never marry at all. You can’t universalize a path without crushing individuality. Some people juggle multiple projects at once, living off caffeine and deadlines. Others would burn out in that setup. They need routine, structure, nine-to-five rituals. Which one is “right”? Neither. Both. Depends on who you are. Or who you ask. The only wrong path is copying someone else’s path blindly because you’re too scared to find out what works for you.

Now, does that mean anything goes?

Not quite. There are still consequences. But most of the stuff we think about. How to live, love, work, or think isn’t about right vs. wrong. It’s about fit. And fit is personal.

What feels like a trap to me might feel like freedom to you. My path might look like a disaster to you, but to me it’s fuel. You don’t need a manual to figure everything out. And you definitely don’t need to follow the “good” road just because it’s paved and well-lit. Do things “your way” for a change. And double down on what works. That’s how I found my path. You make a choice. You try something. If it works, you keep going. If it fails, you adjust. You don’t “find” your purpose.

You build it, day by day, decision by decision. “Is this my thing to do?” is a better approach to life. Of course, this truth makes people uncomfortable. Institutions, religion, school, and corporate culture hate it. Their whole power structure depends on convincing you there is one right way, and lucky you, they have it. It’s efficient control. Follow the formula, don’t ask questions, pay your dues. Neat little rows of obedient lives. Nietzsche wants you to be responsible for yourself. To forget the right way. Forget the only way. Take your way.

Trip over it, dance on it, burn it down if you have to.

But make sure it’s yours.

As terrifying and exhilarating as the burden may be. If there is no pre-ordained “right way,” then the responsibility for your way falls entirely on you. Your choices. Your values. Your mistakes. You can’t hide behind “that’s just how it’s done” anymore. You are completely in charge.

Your way is just that: yours.

The goal is to realise you’re already on the way you made yourself. There is no right way. There is only your way.

Nothing’s worse than reaching the end of a road only to realize you were walking someone else’s. But walking your own way is terrifying. You’ll lose friends. You’ll piss people off. You’ll look insane to your family members. Who doesn’t want the safe job, the safe marriage, or the safe retirement plan? If there’s one way, then you can’t screw up. You just follow the steps, like assembling Ikea furniture. But life isn’t Ikea. It’s more like a garage sale. You sort through things until you find something worth keeping. Nietzsche knew that. That’s why he questioned every “universal truth” he was taught. Morality, religion, society’s rules.

He wanted honesty.

He wanted you to face the scary fact that no single rule can work for you. What’s scarier? Living wrong by your own rules, or living right by someone else’s? Be honest. You already know the answer. The forbidden truth is the gut check when you say yes to something that feels dead inside. It’s your own voice. “Hold on, this isn’t my way.” You’ve heard that before. But do you listen? And if you listen, you will start to build a life that feels like yours. That’s the defiance Nietzsche wanted but maybe couldn’t outright preach. Don’t get hypnotised by the idea of the way. There is no “the.” Stop looking for the one right way. It doesn’t exist. Never did. Make your way. And own it. There is only “yours.”

You’ll never find the way. You’ll only ever find your way.

Written by Thomas Oppong

The wisdom of great minds. My essays cross between psychology, philosophy and self-improvement.

Published in Personal Growth

Practical wisdom for life drawn from philosophy, psychology, spirituality and personal experiences.

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似非而是、乍苦實甜的4句話 -- Andy Murphy
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4 Quotes That Will First Piss You Off — But Then Set You Free

They have all shaped the person I am today

Andy Murphy, 11/18/25

Some truths are more uncomfortable than a colonoscopy.

A colonoscopy is a procedure that lets a healthcare provider check the inside of your colon. The procedure is done using a long, flexible tube called a colonoscope — hence the name.

The tube has a light and a tiny camera on one end, and it’s put in the rectum and moved into the colon to see what’s going on.

Spiritual truths enter through a similarly painful hole before illuminating hidden parts within.

In my experience, that light can be life-changing, even if it is disturbing at first.

The four quotes I’ve chosen today might feel like a psychological colonoscopy, but a saying I’ve held close to me during times of uncertainty is, “The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.”

I’m all about truth, freedom, and transformation. Sometimes that’s uncomfortable, but if I stay with it long enough, it often turns out to be some of the most valuable wisdom I can draw upon later.

So, let’s get to it.

1. “A man who steps in the same river twice is not the same man, and it’s not the same river.” — Heraclitus 世事無常

For many years, I had anxiety. I had it so long that I thought it was just a part of who I am. A part of my makeup. Not my genes necessarily, but something equally damning.

Then I started meditating, practicing breathwork, and taking plant medicines, and I quickly saw that I’m more energy and less matter, more wave and less particle.

So my anxiety was real, but it was temporary. Like a cloud passing overhead.

These few words changed everything for me because it poetically described the impermanence of life and gave me hope that things can (and will) change. Which it did.

2. “If everyone likes you, it probably means you aren’t saying much.” – Donna Brazile 凝眾醉獨醒勿隨流揚波

A part of why I was so anxious was because I was so worried about what other people thought of me. I avoided conflict like the plague and wanted to fit in wherever I could.

My plan worked, but at the cost of my mental and physical health.

One of the most confronting things I’ve ever had to do is learn to take criticism and rejection as a part of being myself.

My authenticity isn’t going to be liked by everyone, and I have to accept that, just like I can’t love everyone else’s version of truth.

Writing has been a big teacher in that way. Not everyone is going to like my writing. And that’s ok. Donna Brazile gave me the confidence to know that it’s inevitable not to be liked if I’m being true to myself which I’ve promised to do.

So I had to make peace with that a long time ago.

Liking someone and being kind to them are two separate things.

I don’t have to like you, but I can be kind. I can still respect you as a human being who’s doing your best in life. And I hope you’d treat me the same.

I think those two things are often in conflict with one another. It seems that many people must like someone to be kind to them. But I’ve found that I grow more when I’m in disagreement with someone but we can still connect.

Disagreement doesn’t equal disconnection. Or at least it doesn’t have to.

3. “When you can bear your own silence, you are free.” – Mooji 自反而縮，雖千萬人，吾往矣

For about 10 years, I tried to numb my pain. I distracted myself with TV shows and YouTube videos. Then later, I used alcohol and drugs.

It worked well but 10 years later, I was still in the same pain I was in before. So, I had to reconcile with something Robert Frost once said, “The only way out is through.”

That’s when I signed up for my first ten-day Vipassana meditation course and faced myself for the first time.

There was something shocking about sitting still with my eyes closed but feeling utterly trapped. Silence was excruciatingly loud.

Until it wasn't. Then it was rather beautiful.

That’s when I understood what true freedom truly is, and ever since then, I’ve been getting to know myself more intimately as a result.

4. “Whatever is rejected from the self, appears in the world as an event.” — Carl Jung ??? (「自我改進」？「吾日三省吾身」？)：庸人自擾

This happened to me time and time again when I was suffering from anxiety.

Because I hid and suppressed it deep inside, life brought me people and events that would make me anxious, so I could look at it.

“If you reject a part of you, you expel it from your psyche and place it on the external world, so it is now an external event.” — Carl Jung

That’s what happens when emotions are denied or suppressed. It’s like holding a beach ball underwater. Eventually, when our guard drops, it will shoot to the surface.

It was only when I started working with my anxiety holistically — with diet, mindfulness practices, and psychedelic therapy — that it slowly began to release its menacing grip.

It was hard to face but even harder to ignore. When those scales tip, there’s only one thing left to do, however scary it might be.

In the end, there’s nothing to fear except fear itself.

I found that I’m not that bad or scary, after all. And that I can love myself as much as I love everyone else.

Written by Andy Murphy

Spreading joy through writing and breathwork https://www.somabreath.com/#a_aid=AndyMurphy

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弗洛伊德所了解的「人生」 -- Tom Addison
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我讀過幾本弗洛伊德的短篇著作，以及幾本介紹他學說的書；對他的理論並不熟悉。不過，我不完全同意波普認為「心理分析」(或馬克思理論)是「偽科學」的說法；我認為：弗洛伊德的睿智遠超過他當時「理論/知識」的水平；因此，他只能靠臆想來解釋他的「見解」。例如，今天我們可以用「未被啟動」(定義2)的大腦神經連接網路，來說明「潛意識」。此處可參閱拙作《唯物人文觀》。

我並不完全接受弗洛伊德的「心理分析」理論，但我相當尊敬他這位學者。在此推薦他對「人生」的看法。建議各位仔細閱讀和深入體會；我就不標示下文作者闡述中的重點。

9 Mind-Bending Sigmund Freud Quotes That’ll Make You Contemplate Life

Haunting yet wonderful quotes from the godfather of modern psychology.

Tom Addison, 11/12/25

Sigmund Freud changed the face of psychology and took our understanding of the human mind to a whole new dimension. Period.

As controversial (and as weird) as some of Freud’s work is, one thing you can’t argue is his incredible, wonderful way with words, the kind that sometimes makes you go ‘fuck!’

So, let’s get into it.

Here are 9 Mind-Bending Quotes from the one and only Sigmund Freud:

1. “One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.”

It goes without saying that human beings thrive off struggle. Obviously, it never feels like it at the time, but it’s the struggles we encounter in life that bring out the best in us.

It’s only when we look back that we begin to realise how much we’re actually grateful for the difficulties we faced along the way.

2. “It is not so much that man is a herd animal, but that he is a horde animal led by a chief.”

There are over 8 billion people on this planet. Needless to say, that’s a lot of folk. Yet even though there are so many people, we still dance to the tune of the very few people in a position of power, aka: the chiefs.

3. “Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise.”

You can lie to others and get away with it. However, you can never (ever) fully 100% lie to be dishonest with yourself.

You know full well when what you’re saying is bullshit, and if it is, have the balls and courage to call yourself out on it.

4. “Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility.”

Take on some responsibility. Take on as much as you can physically and mentally.

With a sense of responsibility comes a great sense of freedom, because that’s when you realise what you’re truly capable of.

5. “Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.”

They say you should always try to find a way to express your emotions for a reason.

Because if you don’t, all that anger, frustration, and resentment will eventually come back to bite you.

Needless to say, when it does, it won’t be pretty.

6. “Out of your vulnerabilities will come your strengths.”

It’s as simple as this:

Human beings are designed to become better and stronger through struggle.

The more you confront your vulnerabilities right now, the better, more resilient, more well-rounded, and stronger you’ll be in the future.

7. “The madman is a dreamer awake.”

I can’t remember who said it, but I once heard a quote along the lines of:

“The difference between a normal person and a crazy person is that the crazy person just says the thoughts everyone else is thinking.”

It reminds me of this Freud quote.

8. “The only person with whom you have to compare yourself is you in the past.”

It doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing. It only matters what you’re doing.

Instead of constantly playing games and comparing yourself to others who are on a different path, focus your attention inward. If you constantly play the comparison game, you will never truly be happy and satisfied with yourself and life.

9. “The more perfect a person is on the outside, the more demons they have on the inside.”

Never assume that the mask someone wears on the outside reflects what’s going on within.

People often put on a facade that hides deep cracks buried beneath the surface.

So yeah, never take anything at face value.

Face value lies all the time.

Want to be notified whenever I publish a new article? Click here.

Also, please become part of a growing community and subscribe to my Substack for free!

Written by Tom Addison

I write about personal development, books, and key life lessons I learn. Please, feel free to subscribe. Email me on addisontom2@gmail.com to connect with me.

Published in Change Your Mind Change Your Life

Read short and uplifting articles here to help you shift your thought, so you can see real change in your life and health.

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或許能讓你開竅的19句大智慧 -- Andy Murphy
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19 Eye-Popping Quotes That Are All One Sentence Long

From some of the greatest minds in history

Andy Murphy, 10/01/25

This is a fast-paced piece about love, life, and everything in between.

It contains some of my favourite people talking about some of my favourite things: philosophy, spirituality, and what it means to live a happy and harmonious life.

Although it’s fast, I encourage you to read slow. A lot can happen in three minutes if we allow time to extend. (學而不思則罔)

I’ll see you on the other side.

“He who is not contented with what he has would not be contented with what he would like to have.” — Socrates

Epicurus put it another way — “Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not.”

“Happiness is not at the top of the mountain, but in how you climb.” — Confucius (我記不起這一句！)

Life is a process of becoming, not arriving.

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” — Mahatma Gandhi

This is the holy trinity of alignment.

“Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.” — Albert Schweitzer

It put this in because it makes me smile. Sometimes, it pays to forget and forgive the past.

“Where your talents and the needs of the world cross, there lies your vocation. (韋伯的「志業」)” — Aristotle

There is always an intersection where these two points meet. My life changed when I found it.

“The unexamined life is not worth living.” — Socrates

Self-reflection is a beautiful thing.

“Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love; it will not lead you astray.” — Rumi

Or as he later went on to say: “Your heart knows the way. Run in that direction.”

“He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the universe.” — Marcus Aurelius

We’re governed by the same rules.

“Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.” — Dalai Lama

Or as Liana Naima said: “Allow people to have their moods, and allow those moods to have nothing to do with you.”

“Try to accept the changing seasons of your heart, even if they seem like winter.” — Rumi

Everything is impermanent. Even winter has its beauty.

“Peace begins when expectation ends.” — Sri Chinmoy

“Expectation is the root of all heartache.” — William Shakespeare

“A man who suffers before it is necessary suffers more than is necessary.” — Seneca

The present moment isn’t worried about what’s happened before or what’s to come in the future. Reside there.

“You do not have to struggle to reach God, but you do have to struggle to tear away the self-created veil that hides Him from you.” — Paramahansa Yogananda

Strip back the layers of what Carl Jung called the persona to experience your true self. It’s the part that doesn’t wear a mask or pretend to be anything other than love.

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.” — Helen Keller

Every challenge creates an opportunity.

“Forever is composed of nows.” — Emily Dickinson

Eckhart Tolle put it another way — “Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have.”

“Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths.” — Etty Hillesum

So, pause. Connect with your breath. Remember there is always space to relax.

“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” — Pema Chödrön

It’s one of the great ironies of life: Until we process what’s happened to us it will continue to show up in our lives.

“Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.” — Zora Neale Hurston

And once it’s out, it doesn’t like to return.

That’s the beginning of what people call a spiritual awakening.

“Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend.” — Martin Luther King

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it :)

Let me know if there are any other quotes that should be on this list. I’m always on the lookout for new voices that inspire me.

Also, just a little fun fact: you can clap up to 50 times on a single Medium article. So, if you enjoyed this one, don’t hold back!

Written by Andy Murphy

Spreading joy through writing and breathwork https://www.somabreath.com/#a_aid=AndyMurphy

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別把自己當做世界的中心 ----- Jennifer McDougall
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根據我的觀察和自身經驗：

「把自己當做世界中心」或「認為事事都沖著自己來」的人，有一大半是「自卑者」的防衛機制：這些人認為別人看不起自己；所以：

他/她們時時要維護自己的「尊嚴」；其實旁人並沒有「瞧不起他/她們」的意思，或「根本不是針對他/她們」；只是(自以為被冒犯者)「神經過敏」而已。

Take Nothing Personally: The Mental Shift That Will Set You Free

One of the most profound lessons you’ll ever learn — especially as a high-value woman navigating relationships, career, and personal growth — is this:

Take nothing personally.

Jennifer McDougall, 03/31/25

Not the compliment. Not the criticism.
Not the delay in his response.
Not the job rejection.
Not the friend’s silence.
Not even the betrayal.

Why? Because most people are not reacting to you. They’re reacting to their own internal world — their wounds, conditioning, fears, and unspoken narratives.

And once you understand this deeply — not just intellectually, but spiritually — you unlock an emotional superpower: peace.

This article is your guide to detaching with love, finding power in non-reactivity, and learning how not taking things personally is the quantum leap your mental, emotional, and relational health has been waiting for.

The Root of Taking Things Personally: Ego & Emotional Wounding

We take things personally when we internalize someone else’s behavior as a reflection of our worth. But here’s the truth.

“What people say and do is a projection of their own reality.” — Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

When you haven’t yet healed your core wounds — fear of abandonment, rejection, not being enough — it’s easy to interpret every micro-behavior through a distorted lens.

* He didn’t text back? You must be boring.
* She didn’t invite you? You must be forgettable.
* Your idea got dismissed in the meeting? You must not be respected.

But what if none of that was about you?
What if he’s emotionally avoidant?
What if she’s insecure and jealous?
What if your boss is overwhelmed and distracted?

You’ve been trying to self-correct things that were never your burden to carry.

Signs You’re Taking Things Personally (Without Realizing It)

Let’s call out the subtle ways it shows up:

* Overthinking text messages and reading between the lines.
* Feeling rejected when someone needs space.
* Assuming silence = dislike.
* Feeling unworthy when someone sets a boundary.
* Taking feedback as failure rather than growth.

These patterns are often subconscious. But they erode your confidence, chip away at your self-trust, and keep you stuck in a loop of emotional reactivity.

The Freedom in Detaching from Projection

Here’s the liberating truth:

* People leave because they aren’t ready.
* People lash out because they are triggered.
* People ghost because they can’t confront discomfort.
* People criticize because they are projecting their inner turmoil.

It’s not personal. It’s programming.

“Other people’s actions are always about them. Your peace comes from choosing whether or not to absorb their projection.” — Dr. Nicole LePera

5 Mental Shifts to Stop Taking Things Personally

Ready to set yourself free? These perspective shifts will help you build emotional immunity.

1. Everyone’s Behavior is a Mirror of Their Inner World

People don’t see you as you — they see you as they are. Through the filters of their trauma, insecurities, and programming.
Affirmation: “Their reaction is not my responsibility. I do not absorb projections.”

2. Silence, Distance, or Detachment Isn’t Rejection

Sometimes people pull back to protect their own peace. Not to punish you.
Affirmation: “I release the need to internalize someone else’s withdrawal. I trust my worth is constant.”

3. Feedback is Information, Not a Personal Attack

If someone offers criticism, receive what’s useful and discard what’s not. Their tone, delivery, or emotional mess is not your emotional burden.
Affirmation: “I am open to growth, but I don’t attach my worth to external opinions.”

4. Boundaries Are Not About You

When someone sets a boundary, it’s not a rejection — it’s an expression of self-respect. Likewise, your boundaries are not attacks on others.
Affirmation: “I honor boundaries — mine and theirs — without making it personal.”

5. Their Capacity ≠ Your Value

How someone shows up in a relationship is not a direct reflection of your lovability — it’s a reflection of their emotional maturity.
Affirmation: “I no longer tie my value to someone’s ability to love or understand me.”

How Taking Nothing Personally Quantum Leaps Your Life

Here’s what shifts when you integrate this lesson deeply:

* Your nervous system regulates. You stop living in hyper-vigilance.
* Your relationships deepen. You connect from truth, not fear.
* Your creativity explodes. You stop holding back out of fear of criticism.
* You attract healthier people. Because you’re no longer magnetized to chaos.
* You embody emotional mastery. You respond, you don’t react.

Detachment Is Not Coldness — It’s Clarity

Jesus, Buddha, Rumi — all spiritual masters taught one powerful principle: detach from ego to access divine peace.

Taking nothing personally is a spiritual practice. It means returning to Source for your identity — not another human’s temporary emotions.

“Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. It is because of themselves.” — Don Miguel Ruiz

When You Do Take It Personally: How to Self-Soothe

You’re human. It’ll still happen. Here’s how to self-regulate when you catch yourself spiraling:

1. Pause. Breathe deeply and say, “This isn’t about me.”
2. Name the wound. “I feel rejected. What does this remind me of?”
3. Shift the story. “They’re in their own storm. I’m not the cause or cure.”
4. Return to your truth. “I am safe, loved, and whole. I don’t need external approval to feel secure.”
5. Bless and release. Even silently. It restores your energy.

Peace Is Found in Non-Reaction

When you take nothing personally, you stop living life on emotional roller coasters controlled by other people’s actions. You become steady. Rooted. Self-contained.

You start choosing your responses instead of being triggered by every external stimulus.

You stop wondering, “Was it me?”
And you start affirming, “It’s not about me — and that’s okay.”

Because your worth isn’t up for debate. Your peace isn’t up for grabs. And your power isn’t tied to anyone else’s perception.

This is your reminder: take nothing personally — and everything peacefully.

Take Nothing Personally

* Most people’s behavior is not about you — it’s about them.
* Not taking things personally is emotional freedom and spiritual strength.
* Detachment is clarity, not coldness.
* Your peace comes from emotional self-containment — not validation.
* You are not responsible for anyone’s reactions, triggers, or projections.

Follow me on Medium and tune in to Life Refined for more soul-shifting conversations on emotional mastery, healing, and becoming a high-value woman rooted in clarity, not chaos.

You were never meant to carry what wasn’t yours to begin with. Let it go.

Thank you for being a part of the community

Before you go:

* Be sure to clap and follow the writer ️
* Follow us: X | LinkedIn | YouTube | Newsletter | Podcast | Differ | Twitch
* Check out CoFeed, the smart way to stay up-to-date with the latest in tech
* Start your own free AI-powered blog on Differ
* Join our content creators community on Discord
* For more content, visit plainenglish.io + stackademic.com

Written by Jennifer McDougall

Host of Life Refined podcast🎙 Self-Growth, Relationships, Wellness & Self-Improvement ✨Support my work: https://ko-fi.com/jenmcdougall

Published in Venture

Thought leadership and essential resources for entrepreneurs, indie hackers, and startups.

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幫助我們正面思考的6句箴言-- Singh Bhai
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如果你對奧瑞尼亞斯的思想有興趣，可以買一本《沉思錄》讀讀；我建議去一家二手書店找到梁實秋先生翻譯，「協志工業振興會」出版的版本。梁先生譯筆流暢；我15-16歲讀該書的時候，完全沒有看不懂、枯燥乏味、或詰屈聱牙的問題。目前網路上看到的有：

1) 「盛世教育」翻譯，笛藤出版圖書有限公司出版(誠品書店)。
2) 柯宗佑先生翻譯，「遠流出版社」出版(博客來)。

我沒有讀過這兩個版本，無法為它們背書。此外，可參看：

*　哲學視頻介紹之1 (該欄2025/08/10；第4項《Every Roman Philosopher Explained》Part 1)
*　7個古老的人生智慧增長知識和/提高睿智的5本書(該欄2025/06/24)
*　奧瑞尼亞斯的21個睿智觀察(該欄2025/06/29)
*　7本古代哲學著作形塑西方思想(該欄2023/11/22)

6 Marcus Aurelius Quotes to Read Every Morning for a Stoic Mindset

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive — to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” — 如果

Singh Bhai

Link for non-medium members

There are mornings when you wake up like a Roman emperor.

And then mornings when you wake up and feel like the emperor of the empire, only to remember the empire is your messy kitchen, the fridge contains two questionable yogurts, and you have an unpaid bill.

Marcus Aurelius would not have been disturbed.

That is the thing about him. He wrote to himself in meditations, not Instagram captions to the masses. These were exhortations to his own mind to get its act together.

And for me, any of us could use a little of that.

1. “When You Arise in the Morning, Think of What a Precious Privilege It Is to Be Alive — To Breathe, to Think, to Enjoy, to Love.”

The first thought that comes to mind when waking up in the morning is not privilege.

It’s nearer to: What’s the day today? Why is my phone alarm so aggressive? Did I agree to that meeting at 8 a.m.?

Marcus’s message is straightforward: you woke up. You’re here. And before your mind begins to tally up all that’s wrong, you can choose to concentrate on what’s right.

* Breathing: still working, no subscription fee to pay.
* Thinking: occasionally questionable, but operational.
* Caring: if nothing else, coffee matters.

Sometimes, that is all the list. And that is okay. Gratitude doesn’t have to be complicated. You don’t need a Himalayan retreat or whale song meditation music atmosphere. Just the thought: I woke up. That is not nothing.

There’s a fact that says, the probability of being born is 400 trillion to one. Four hundred trillion, let that sink in.

2. “The More We Value Things Outside Our Control, the Less Control We Have.”

We try to hold rain in our hands.
We grip too hard, and it runs away.

We pour ridiculous amounts of energy into things we can’t control: the Weather, what people think. Who calls back. Why your neighbor decided to learn the drums the same week you started working from home.

* Prioritize kindness over being correct, and you’ll disagree less.
* Prioritize calmness over having your own way, you’ll be better rested.
* Prefer to control your own mood, you’ll cease to give it to strangers.

You can’t control the universe. But you can control your own response, which is about 99% less exhausting.

3. “When You Wake Up in the Morning, Tell Yourself: The People I Deal With Today Will Be Meddling… We Were Born to Work Together Like Feet, Hands, and Eyes… to Obstruct Each Other Is Unnatural.”

Some individuals will be obnoxious. This should not come as a shock to anyone.
Every day has its own cast of characters:

* Your colleague whom you email, where you were initially cc’d.
* The aunt who starts sentences with “Not to be rude, but…”

Marcus is not saying that you have to like them. He is saying that this is the price of admission to human life.

Hands, hands, eyes, all in concert. Your left hand doesn’t slap your right hand for holding the pen incorrectly. (If it does, we have another problem.)

Humans get in our way by accident. The other half of the time, we are the ones getting in others’ way. Deal with it. Work around it. And perhaps try not to be the human counterpart of a pop up ad.

4. “You Have Power Over Your Mind, Not Outside Events. Realize This, and You Will Find Strength.”

In chess, you don’t control your opponent’s move, only your reply. In music, you can’t decide what note came before, but you can choose the one that follows, unless it’s a Spotify ad, in which case you’re just stuck listening to someone sell you car insurance before the next song.

We are in a golden age of blaming.

Traffic ruined my day. The news ruined my mood. Nope. Those things did happen. You did the rest.

* It’s not that you’re supposed to deny reality, things do go wrong.
* The control over your mind aspect is real. You get to decide what occupies space up there.
* You can complain the same thing 47 times, or you can give it one mention and move on.

You can dwell on what you can do rather than what you can’t.

5. “The Happiness of Your Life Depends Upon the Quality of Your Thoughts.”

Your thoughts are seeds.
Plant thorns, and you will bleed.
Plant flowers, and you will rest in their shade.

Check the garden each morning.

Pull what poisons you.
Keep what feeds you.

Some people plant weeds without even noticing. You’ve met the ones who complain about everything. Too cold. Too hot. Too crowded. Too empty. They’re annoying. And sometimes we are that person without realizing it.

But you get to select what you want to grow.

It doesn’t mean pretending everything is fine and doing that toxic positivity thing.

Just condition your mind not to default to “everything is awful.”

Find something good. Keep it. Challenge thoughts that make you sad. Are they actually true? Pay attention to patterns.

6. “Everything We Hear Is an Opinion, Not a Fact. Everything We See Is a Perspective, Not the Truth.”

We don’t see the world as it is.
We see it through our own window.

Two people watch the same rain.
One is glad for the crops.
One curses the sky.

Maybe your aunt’s Facebook status is cringe for you, but not to her and her friends.

We equate viewpoint with reality, especially when it confirms what we already believe.

You conserve enormous energy by being mindful of the difference. Half of your arguments could be avoided if you simply say, “This is my idea, not a law for everyone.”

Marcus Aurelius lived almost two millennia ago, and his reminders cut deeper than most best selling self help books. That’s because they’re not covered in fluff or hashtags. They’re straightforward. They’re helpful. And they don’t rely on ideal circumstances to be effective.

Wait a Sec

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Thanks for stopping by.

Written by Singh Bhai

I break down psychology, behavior, decision-making, and mental habits with insights you can actually use. ☕️✍️ Newsletter: https://theopenbook.substack.com/

Published in ThinkDraft

We share sharp, thoughtful writing on anything that makes you think deeper, feel clearer, or see differently. Topics (Psychology, Mindset, Money, Writing, Self Improvement and more)

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10種保護自己的心態-V. Mong
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我忘了在初中或高中讀的《儒林外史》；故事已經記不得了。全書中我現在只記得下面這一句話：

「不要做個爛忠厚的爛好人。」(大意如此)。

1975 – 1985間，我讀了《我說「不」時，會覺得難為情》(1975)。我從這本書學到的，可以用上面這句話來概括。

下文提供了實踐這個簡單道理的方法。

10 Things You Need to Teach People About Yourself to Protect Your Peace and Assert Your Worth

You decide how the world interacts with you.

Victor Mong, 01/31/25

Every day, in every interaction, you’re teaching people how to treat you, whether you realize it or not.

You set the standard for how others behave toward you by what you tolerate, what you reinforce, and what you ignore.

If you don’t define who you are and what you stand for, people will decide for you—and often, in ways that diminish your worth.

Here are ten things you must teach people about yourself—lessons that will shape the way they see you, interact with you, and value you.

When Someone is Audacious with Their Disrespect, You Have the Right to Be Courageous with Your Boundaries

There’s a dangerous idea floating around that kindness is always the right response.

That if someone mistreats you, the noble thing to do is to “be the bigger person.” The truth is when someone is bold in their disrespect, you have every right to be bold in defending yourself.

Many people struggle with this because they’ve been conditioned to believe that setting boundaries makes them unkind. But that’s a lie.

If someone spits in your face—literally or metaphorically—and you continue smiling, you aren’t being kind. You’re being complicit.

Respect isn’t automatic. It’s earned, maintained, and reciprocated. If someone treats you with contempt, they’re showing you exactly how much they value you.

It’s not your job to fix them or to absorb their negativity in the name of being “nice.” It’s your job to make it clear that actions have consequences.

This doesn’t mean you should become vengeful or cruel. It means you should have a firm understanding of your worth.

You don’t owe respect to someone who has thrown theirs in the trash. If they push you, push back—not with aggression, but with conviction.

Boundaries are a declaration of self-respect. Teach people that crossing them comes at a cost.

Your Time Is Valuable—Act Like It

Time is not money. It’s far more precious than that. Money can be regained; time cannot.

Yet, people will try to waste yours without a second thought.

If you don’t guard your time, others will treat it as if it belongs to them.

They will demand your attention for trivial matters, drag you into meaningless drama, and expect you to prioritize their needs over your own.

If someone doesn’t respect your time, you don’t owe them yours.

Teach people that your time is not free. If they want it, they need to bring something valuable in return—whether it’s respect, reciprocity, or a purpose that aligns with your own.

You Are Not Responsible for Other People’s Perceptions of You

You could be the most honest, kind, and competent person in the room, and someone will still misunderstand you.

They will project their insecurities onto you, twist your words, and form opinions that have nothing to do with reality.

That’s not, and should never be, your problem.

People see you through the lens of their own experiences.

Their judgment is shaped by their biases, past wounds, and limited understanding.

You cannot control how they perceive you, nor should you try. The only thing you can control is how you live.

Stop living for approval. Speak your truth. Stand your ground.

The right people will see you clearly. The wrong ones were never meant to understand you in the first place.

Your Silence Is Not Weakness—It’s a Weapon

People assume that if you don’t respond to their provocations, you’re weak.

That if you don’t explain yourself, justify your decisions, or argue back, you have nothing to say.

But in reality, silence is often the most powerful response.

Why? Because it denies the other person control.

When someone insults you, they want a reaction. When they lie about you, they want you to defend yourself.

They thrive on your energy, your attention, your distress. But if you give them nothing? They lose power.

Silence is strategic. It says, “I do not owe you my energy.” It forces the other person to sit with their own words.

Sometimes, the loudest thing you can say is nothing at all.

You Are Not Obligated to Carry Other People’s Burdens

It’s good to be compassionate. It’s good to help those in need. But there’s a fine line between support and self-sacrifice, and too many people cross it without realizing.

Self-sacrifice is not a requirement for kindness.

Too many people mistake being supportive for being responsible.

They absorb the emotional weight of others, believing it’s their duty to fix, rescue, or carry those who refuse to carry themselves.

You’re not responsible to bear the burdens that are not yours. You’re not a therapist, an emotional punching bag, or a dumping ground for their problems.

You have your own life to live.

Yes, you can help. Yes, you can offer guidance, encouragement, and support. But lending a hand and allowing yourself to be weighed down are not the same.

Some people don’t want solutions; they want a place to unload their problems indefinitely. They expect you to carry their pain, their mistakes, their irresponsibility while making no effort to change.

But your energy is not infinite

You can’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm. There’s no nobility in self-destruction.

Teach people that while you care, you will not be their emotional crutch. Let them know that you’ll help when you can, but not at the expense of your own well-being.

If they want support, they must also take responsibility for their own healing.

You Have the Right to Change

People will try to keep you the same. Not because they care about you, but because your growth threatens their comfort.

The moment you evolve, you force others to question themselves.

If you improve, they must confront why they haven’t.

If you raise your standards, they must decide whether they can rise with you. And many people don’t want to do that work.

So what do they do? They’ll resist your change. They’ll remind you of who you used to be. Mock your ambitions. Accuse you of “changing too much. But that’s their fear speaking, not truth.

Change is not betrayal. Growth is not abandonment. You’re not obligated to stay the person others are familiar with, especially if that version of you no longer serves your future.

Teach people that you’ll not stay small for their sake.

You have the right to outgrow mindsets, habits, and even relationships that no longer align with who you are becoming.

You don’t have to apologize for evolving.

Change is a sign that you are alive, learning, and becoming more of who you were meant to be. So go for it.

If they cannot handle your growth, they’re welcome to respectfully step aside. Those who truly value you will grow with you.

Not Everyone Deserves Access to You

Some people assume that just because they want your attention, they should have it.

That just because they demand your energy, you should give it. But access to you is a privilege, not a right.

You’re not obligated to entertain every conversation, engage with every critic, or be available at all times.

Your energy is sacred. Choose who gets to share it.

Teach people that if they want a place in your life, they must earn it through respect, consistency, and mutual value.

You’re Allowed to Walk Away from Toxic People

Loyalty is a virtue, but not when it chains you to people who drain, manipulate, or mistreat you.

Too often, we stay in harmful relationships, friendships, and workplaces because we feel guilty for leaving.

We tell ourselves that walking away means we’re selfish, ungrateful, or weak. But the truth is, walking away is sometimes the bravest thing you can do.

You’re not obligated to keep people in your life simply because of shared history.

If someone consistently disrespects you, disregards your feelings, or poisons your peace, you have every right to remove yourself from their presence.

Love is not proven through endurance. Respect is not demonstrated through suffering.

Toxic people thrive on your hesitation. They count on your fear of hurting them, your reluctance to set boundaries, and your habit of giving second chances.

But you’re not responsible for fixing them. You’re responsible for protecting your own well-being.

So walk away without guilt. Walking away is not betrayal; it”s survival.

Protect your energy.

Choose environments where you’re valued, not drained.

Teach people that if they want you to stay, they need to be worth staying for.

The people who truly care for you will never require you to destroy yourself for their comfort.

Your Dreams Are Yours—You Don’t Need Permission to Pursue Them

Your dreams belong to you. Not to your family, not to society, not to the people who doubt you. And because they’re yours, you don’t need permission to chase them.

Too often, people seek approval before they dare to pursue what truly excites them.

They wait for validation, for a sign, for someone to say, “Yes, you are allowed to do this.”

But what if that permission never comes? Will you let your dreams die just because others don’t see your vision?

Understand this: most people who discourage you aren’t against you—they’re just afraid.

Afraid of failure, afraid of change, afraid of the unknown. They’ll tell you that your dreams are too big, too risky, too impractical.

But their fears don’t have to become yours. Their doubts have nothing to do with your potential.

If your dream excites you, pursue it. If it keeps you awake at night, work for it. If it makes you feel alive, fight for it.

Teach people that you’ll not let their limitations become your own. That you’ll chase what sets your soul on fire, whether they approve or not.

You were not born to live a life of hesitation. Stop waiting. You do not need permission to become who you were meant to be.

You’ll Not Apologize for Being Who You Are

The world will always have opinions about you—how you should act, what you should believe, and even who you should become.

From the moment you start thinking for yourself, there will be people who feel entitled to correct you, to mold you into something that makes them more comfortable.

But you don’t owe anyone an apology for being who you are.

Your personality, your ambitions, your values are not up for debate.

If you’re honest, strong-willed, and unwilling to shrink to fit someone else’s expectations, that’s not something to feel guilty about.

If your presence is too bold for some, that’s their discomfort to manage, not yours.

Too many people waste their lives apologizing for their intelligence, their emotions, their confidence.

They shrink themselves to be more likable, more agreeable, more acceptable. But you’re not here to be small.

You’re here to take up space. To stand firm in your identity. To refuse to be tamed by the fears and insecurities of others.

You’re here to be exactly who you are—boldly, unapologetically, and without regret.

Teach people that you’ll not apologize for your strength, your intelligence, or your ambition.

You’ll not make yourself less to make others comfortable.

You are here to live—not to be controlled.

And that is something the world must learn.

Final Thoughts

You decide how the world interacts with you.

If you let others overstep your boundaries, they’ll.

If you allow toxic people to stay, they’ll drain you.

If you fail to assert your worth, people will assume you have none.

But the opposite is also true. If you demand respect, you’ll receive it.

If you make it clear that your time, energy, and dreams are valuable, people will treat them that way.

If you walk away from what no longer serves you, you make room for what does.

Teaching people about yourself is not just about setting rules. It’s about shaping the life you want to live.

Because at the end of the day, the world will treat you exactly as you teach it to.

Written by Victor Mong

I write about human potential, building a life you want & mastering your mind || info.victormong@gmail.com

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13 Pieces of Advice I’ve Found to Be Consistently True And Can Change Your Life For Real

You don’t need more motivation. You need truth bombs. These are the ones worth remembering forever.

Victor Mong, 05/06/25

Most advice on the internet is like fast food. It tastes good for two minutes, but it doesn’t stick to your bones. It doesn’t change your actions, and it definitely doesn’t change your life.

But once in a while, if you’re lucky or paying close enough attention , you come across advice so real, so raw, that it smacks you awake.

I’ve been collecting these over the last 10 years. Scribbled in notebooks. Saved in tweets. Whispered to me by mentors over cheap coffee.

These 13 ideas have shifted how I live. Maybe they’ll do the same for you.

You Won’t Be Unlucky Every Day

A mentor once told me:

“You can’t be unlucky for 365 days straight.”

He wasn’t trying to make me feel better. He was pointing to something deeper.

If you show up every day, whether you’re tired, bored, or scared doesn’t matter — something will break in your favor at some point.

Life has a weird way of rewarding persistence. It’s rarely fair, but it’s never random.

One day you’ll wake up and realize you’re standing on a goldmine. You didn’t see it because you were too busy digging. That’s what showing up does.

The Person You Marry Will Be Your Life’s Loudest Echo

Not your job. Not your dreams. Not your bank account.

Your partner is your life’s megaphone. They amplify your joy or your stress. They shape the rhythm of your everyday life more than any other decision you’ll ever make.

When life gets hard (and it will), their energy becomes your environment.

If they believe in your crazy ideas, you’ll have the courage to chase them. If they constantly doubt or drain you, you’ll slowly shrink into someone you don’t recognize.

Love isn’t enough. So choose carefully as if your life depends on it. Because it does.

Rejection Is Redirection

Rejection feels like a punch in the stomach. It makes you question your worth, your path, your timing.

But 90% of the time, rejection is not a dead-end. It’s a detour. It’s life saying: “Not this door. Try the next one.”

That job you didn’t get? Maybe it would’ve burned you out. That person who ghosted you? They lacked the depth to love you fully.

That dream that fizzled? It made space for a better one to take root.

Life removes what’s not meant for you, even when you don’t understand why in the moment.

Rejection doesn’t mean you’re not good enough. It means there’s a better fit — and you’re being guided to it, like it or not.

Everyone Is Afraid. The Winners Just Act Anyway

Fear is the most common emotion in the world. Everyone feels it — the authors, the CEOs, the athletes, the artists.

Everyone you admire — they’re scared too. The difference is what they do with it.

They don’t wait to feel brave. They move with it. They do it anyway.

They launch the business while doubting themselves. They stand on stage while their knees shake and their throat tightens. They post the video even though they cringe. They move forward while their mind is screaming, “You’re not ready.”

Courage isn’t about feeling ready. It’s about showing up when you’re not. It’s quiet. It’s lonely. It’s messy.

But it’s what builds momentum. Fear is normal. Freezing is optional. Movement is everything.

Most People Don’t Care. That’s Good News

Most of people live like there’s a spotlight on them — like every mistake, misstep, or awkward moment is being watched and judged.

That’s not true.

People are way too caught up in their own lives to care. They’re worried about their jobs, their bills, their insecurities.

That outfit you felt weird in? Forgotten. That speech you stumbled through? Barely noticed.

This isn’t a reason to feel invisible — it’s permission to be free. To try new things. To take bold swings. Mess up in public.

Nobody’s tracking your flaws like you are. And that quiet freedom? It’s where growth begins.

People Show You Who They Are. Believe Them

People aren’t as mysterious as we think.

They reveal themselves through patterns — how they treat others, how they handle stress, how they talk when they’re angry, how they act when they have nothing to gain.

The problem is, we often ignore those signs. We rewrite stories, make excuses, and hope they’ll change.

But truth doesn’t live in promises ; it lives in behavior.

If someone keeps letting you down, pay attention.

If they consistently show up with love and integrity, believe that too. Don’t fall for potential. Watch the pattern. People show you who they are. Believe them the first time.

Keep One Promise to Yourself Every Day

We break promises to ourselves far more than we realize.

We say we’ll get up early, write the page, take the walk and then don’t. Over time, this chips away at our self-trust.

But here’s the fix: Keep one simple promise to yourself each day.

Drink a full glass of water. Journal for five minutes. Stretch. Read one page. Doesn’t matter what it is. What matters is your consistency.

Because every time you follow through, your brain says, “Hey, I can count on me.”

That feeling is the beginning of real confidence.

If Something Feels Wrong, It Probably Is

That weird feeling in your stomach? The tightness in your chest? The sudden hesitation you can’t explain? That’s not random.

It’s your gut — your built-in radar trying to protect you.

Long before logic kicks in, your body senses danger, dishonesty, or misalignment. But too often, we silence it.

We tell ourselves we’re overreacting, being dramatic, or imagining things.

We override the signal with politeness or fear of conflict. But your gut doesn’t lie.

If a job, relationship, offer, or decision feels wrong, pause. Pay attention.

That feeling is data. It’s wisdom. Trust it. It exists to keep you safe.

Being Liked Is Overrated

Trying to be liked by everyone is a trap that slowly erases who you really are.

You start editing yourself — saying what’s safe, doing what pleases others, hiding the parts that might make someone uncomfortable.

But the truth is, no matter what you do, someone won’t like you. That’s not failure. That’s being human.

Being liked is easy if you stay quiet and agreeable. Being real takes guts. It might cost you approval, but it earns you something better: respect, authenticity, and the right people in your corner.

Don’t water yourself down to fit in. Being liked is overrated. Being yourself isn’t.

Most Regret Is From What You Didn’t Do (請聽這首歌：I’d Rather Be Sorry)

When people look back on their lives, it’s not usually the things they did that haunt them. It’s the things they didn’t.

The words they never said. The trip they never took. The risk they were too afraid to chase. The dream they shelved. Missed moments echo louder than failed attempts.

We think playing it safe protects us, but it often builds a quiet prison of “what ifs.”

Regret grows in silence, in hesitation, in waiting for the perfect time. That time rarely comes.

So say the things you want to say. Take the leap. Try and fail. At least you’ll know. Do the scary thing now, so your older self doesn’t look back with aching what-ifs.

Do It for the Story

Most of life blurs into routine — the tasks, the schedules, the responsible choices. But the moments that stay with you, the ones that make you feel something years later, are always the stories.

The unplanned detour. The spontaneous “yes.” The night you laughed so hard your stomach hurt. These moments don’t come from playing it safe — they come from saying, “Screw it, let’s try.”

When you’re old, you won’t talk about how you cleared your inbox or paid your taxes on time.

You’ll remember the road trip you took on a whim. The speech you gave even though your voice cracked. The time you danced in the rain.

Life isn’t about being efficient. It’s about collecting stories.

You pay the price of who you associate with

You pay a price for who you allow into your life — sometimes slowly, sometimes all at once.

I learned this the hard way.

Associating with the wrong people doesn’t always look dangerous at first. It looks like compromise. Like excuses. Like ignoring red flags because you don’t want to seem rude or harsh.

But over time, their energy drains you. Their mindset infects yours. Their chaos becomes your stress.

You start tolerating things that go against your values. You shrink to keep the peace. And by the time you realize it, you’ve paid with your time, confidence, and clarity.

Being kind doesn’t mean being available to everyone.

Be brutally selective about who gets your energy. Because the wrong people cost more than you think — and the bill always comes due.

You’re One Tiny Habit Away from a New Life

Big life transformation doesn’t start with huge change. It start with one tiny habit.

One glass of water instead of soda. One walk around the block. One minute of deep breathing. One paragraph written each morning.

These habits often seem too small to matter — until they compound.

A single habit done daily rewires your brain, rebuilds your confidence, and shifts your identity.

You stop thinking, “I want to be healthy,” and start becoming the kind of person who is healthy.

That’s the magic. You don’t need a full plan. You need one small win, repeated daily.

That’s how new lives begin.

Written by Victor Mong

I write about human potential, building a life you want & mastering your mind || info.victormong@gmail.com

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