16 More Hilariously Brutal Blonde Jokes to Brighten Up Your Day

The blondes are back for round two

David Graham, 06/16/25

A blonde is at a soda vending machine in a casino. She sticks in a quarter, pushes the button, and catches the can when it pops out. Then she puts in another quarter and does the same, then again, and again, and again. Eventually, the casino manager comes over and says, “Hey, you must be really thirsty.”
“Not really,” replies the blonde.
The casino manager is puzzled. “Then why are you getting all these cans?”
The blonde replies. “I don’t want to stop while I’m winning.”

A blonde sees a sign reading, “Press bell for night watchman”, and so she presses the bell. After a few moments, she hears the watchman start stomping down the stairs. She also hears him unlock the first gate, then the second gate, then she hears the alarm system shut down. Finally, she sees him walk through the revolving door. “Well,” he says, on reaching her. “What do you want?”
The blonde replies, “I just wanted to know why you can’t ring the bell yourself?”

A blonde and a brunette are watching an evening news story about a man about to jump off a bridge. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, “I bet you £50 the man is going to jump.”
The blonde accepts the bet and, sure enough, sadly, the man jumps. The blonde gives the brunette fifty pounds. However, the brunette says, “I can’t accept your money. I watched the midday news and saw the man jump then.”
The blonde replies, “I watched the midday news too. I just didn’t think he’d do it twice in one day!”

A blonde decides to kidnap a small boy and hold him for ransom. Having grabbed her victim from the playground, she writes a note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your boy. Tomorrow, put £10,000 in a bag and leave it by the statue in the town square. Signed, a blonde.” The blonde then pins the note to the boy’s shirt and sends him home.
The next morning, the blonde checks the statue and finds the boy standing there with a bag full of money. The boy hands the blonde a note. It reads: “How could you do this to a fellow blonde?”

A blonde girl runs home from school, extremely excited. “Mummy, Mummy!” she yells, bursting through the front door. “We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to six. See. One, two, three, four, five, six!”
“Very good,” says her mother.
The girl smiles broadly at the praise and says. “Is it because I’m blonde, Mummy?”
“Yes,” replies her mother, “it’s because you’re blonde.”
The next day, for the second day running, the blonde girl runs home from school, extremely excited. “Mummy, Mummy!” she yells, bursting through the front door. “We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See. A, B, C, D, E, F, G!”
“That’s very good,” says her mother.
The girl smiles broadly at the praise and says. “Is it because I’m blonde, Mummy?”
“Yes, deary,” replies her mother, “it’s because you’re blonde.”
The next day, for the third day in a row, the blonde girl runs home from school, extremely excited. “Mummy, Mummy!” she yells, bursting through the front door. “We were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I had these!” The blonde girl lifts her T-shirt to reveal a pair of 38Cs.
“That’s very good,” says her mother.
The blonde smiles broadly at the praise and says. “Is it because I’m blonde, Mummy?”
“No,” replies her mother, “it’s because you’re twenty!”

What’s the most blonde thing ever?
Selling your car to get petrol money.

A blonde on holiday in Louisiana tries to buy some alligator shoes. She goes into a shoe shop and finds a nice pair, but is not prepared to pay the high price. Determined to get some, she decides to catch an alligator herself and takes a club into the swamp.
The owner of the shoe shop, worried for her safety, decides to follow her and eventually tracks her down by a lake, where he spots her wading through the water, her club in hand. Knowing how dangerous these waters are, he immediately plans to call her back in, when he suddenly spots, by the lakeside, a large pile of tied-up alligators.
He thinks to himself, surely the blonde could not have done this, but just as he thinks this, he watches in astonishment as, with a powerful blow of the club, she renders another alligator unconscious and drags it out of the water.
“What are you going to do with all these alligators?” he says, wondering if he can strike a deal with the blonde to create some new alligator shoes.
“Let them go,” she says, “they’re all useless. This one as well.”
“Why are they useless?” says the shop owner, extremely puzzled. All look like impressive specimens.
“Look at them,” she says. “None of them are wearing shoes!”

A blonde walks into a doctor’s office. “Doc,” she says, “I hurt all over!” She touches her leg and winces. She touches her earlobe and winces. She touches her hair and winces. She even touches her nether regions and winces. “See, I hurt everywhere,” she says. “Everywhere!”
The doctor massages his chin for a moment, then says, “Hold out your hand.” She does as told, and he touches the palm of it. “Did that hurt?” he says.
“No,” she says.
The doctor nods, then touches her shoulders, her head, and her legs, and finds nothing brings pain. “Okay,” he says, “with the palm of your hand, touch your head.”
She does as told, but feels no pain. “Wow,” she says. “What did you do? I’m totally cured!”
“I’m afraid you’re not,” says the doctor.
“What do you mean, Doc, what’s wrong with me? Am I going to die?”
“No,” the doctor replies, “you’ve got a broken finger.”

A ventriloquist is telling blonde jokes in a bar when one of his audience, a young blonde lady, stands up and complains. “I’ve heard just about enough of your lousy blonde jokes!” she shouts. “What makes you think you can stereotype women this way? What does a person’s hair colour have to do with their worth as a human being?”
The ventriloquist is very embarrassed and starts to apologise; however, the blonde interrupts him. “Stay out of this, Mister,” she says. “I’m talking to the little bastard on your knee!”

How do you know a blonde is definitely a blonde?
If you hand her a piece of paper that has “Please turn over” on both sides, she spends all day doing just that.

What’s the best way to make a blonde laugh on Monday?
Tell her a joke on Friday!

On a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approaches a blonde sitting in first class and asks her to move economy since she doesn’t have a first-class ticket. The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York, and I’m not moving!”
Not wanting to cause a scene, the flight attendant heads to the cockpit and asks the co-pilot to speak with her, thinking that she would listen to him. She doesn’t. “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York, and I’m not moving!” she says to the co-pilot.
With it now clear the blonde was not going to move without causing a scene, the co-pilot and flight attendant ask the captain what they should do. The captain says, “I’m married to a blonde. I know how to handle this.” He then goes and whispers into the blonde’s ear, at which point she immediately jumps up and runs to the economy section.
In amazement, the flight attendant and co-pilot ask, “What did you say to her?”
The captain replies, “I told her that the first-class section wasn’t going to New York.”

What do you call a blonde with a brain?
A golden retriever. (golden retriever：黃金獵犬)

What’s the difference between Bigfoot and an intelligent blonde?
There have been sightings of Bigfoot.

A blonde stops at a petrol station, but when she gets out, she realises she’s locked her keys in the car. The blonde goes inside and asks the manager for a wire coat hanger so that she can try to pop the door. The manager gives her a hanger, and the blonde takes it outside.
Ten minutes later, the manager decides to go out to see how the blonde is doing, and finds her crouched by the car door, jiggling the hanger through a crack in the driver’s window. He is about to offer to help when he sees a blonde, who is sitting in the passenger seat, guiding her. “A little more to the left. A little more to the right…”

A final one, just for the blondes:

Why are blonde jokes so popular?
People like to make fun of the most successful.

That’s all from me, thanks for reading!

12 Hilariously Adulterous Cheating Jokes To Spice Up Your Day

If you’re looking for extracurricular fun, this is the place

David Graham, 05/26/25

Disclaimer: No marriages were broken in the making of this post, but if you read on, you may be inspired to have adulterous thoughts… You have been warned!


A little boy goes to his mother and says, “Mummy, every night I hear you and Daddy making noises, and when I look in your room, you’re bouncing up and down on him.”
His mother thinks quickly and says, “Oh well, I’m bouncing on Daddy’s tummy because he’s fat and that makes him thin again.”
The little boy shakes his head, “But that won’t work, Mummy, it won’t.”
“Why not?” says his mother.
“Well,” he says, “because the lady next door comes by every afternoon and blows him back up again!”


A husband and wife are trying to save for their holidays. The husband suggests that he put a £20 note in a jar every time they have sex. Three months later, he counts the money and finds over £700. Puzzled, he says to his wife, “Where did all this money come from? We only had sex six times?”
“I know,” says his wife. “But not everyone is as stingy as you are.”


A husband suspects his wife is having an affair. He needs to go on a business trip for several days, so he sets a trap for her. He puts a bowl of milk under the bed. From the bed springs, he suspends a spoon. He has it calibrated so that her weight on the bed will not drop the spoon into the milk. But if there is any more weight than that, the spoon will drop into the milk, and he will detect it upon his return.
He comes home several days later. The first thing he does is reach under the bed and retrieve the bowl, which is now full of butter. (牛油從攪拌牛奶而來)


A farmer’s young son accompanies his father on a trip to buy a cow. The farmer prods the cow all over, strokes its sides, looks in every nook and cranny, and even lifts its tail so he can peer up its rear end. “You see, kiddo,” explains the farmer. “You have to give it a real going over before you know if it’s worth paying money for.”
The next day, the son runs up to his father and says, “Dad! I just saw Mummy and the postman behind the barn. I think he’s planning on buying her!”


A husband and a wife, over their marriage, have eight children. One day, the husband notices that their sixth child, Billy, looks very different from the other seven, and so he goes to his wife and says, “Honey, I’ve noticed that Billy looks different from the other children. Did you have an affair?”
The wife collapses into tears and nods her head.
The husband, heartbroken, quietly says, “So, who is Billy’s father?”
“You,” she says.


A man finds a young woman crying on a park bench and asks her what’s the matter. She says, “My husband’s been caught having sex with one of his patients. He’s cheated on me, and now it looks like he’ll be struck off.”
“That’s terrible,” says the man. “But look on the bright side, with news like that, things can’t get any worse.”
“Yes, they can,” sobs the woman. “He’s a vet.” (vet在此是「獸醫」的簡寫，不是「退伍軍人」的簡寫)


A man wants to find out if both his mistress and his wife are faithful to him, so he sends them both on the same cruise. When they’re back, he casually asks his wife about the behaviour of the passenger who is secretly his mistress. “She was terrible,” replies his wife. “She slept with every man on the ship.”
Disappointed, the man then asks his mistress about the passenger who is actually his wife. “She was a real lady,” says his mistress. “She came on board with her husband and never once left his side.”


A man is in the back of his car having sex with the woman he picked up in a bar. The woman is insatiable and keeps demanding more. Finally, the man has to take a break and so steps out to get some air. Once out of the car, he notices a man nearby struggling to change the tyre on his pickup truck.
He goes over to him and says, “Look, I’ve got a really hot date in the car and I can’t keep up with her. If I help change your tyre, will you go in there and have sex with her? I really need a rest. It’s really dark in there, and she’s into dogging, so it’ll be all good. No need to say anything, just get straight to it.”
The man agrees and jumps into the back of the car, which soon starts rocking rhythmically. A passing policeman spots this and shines a torch inside. “What’s going on here?” he says.
The man replies, “I’m having sex with my wife.”
“Why can’t you do that at home?” retorts the policeman.
“Well,” says the man, “because I didn’t realise it was my wife till you shone the torch in her face!”


An old priest is sick of all the people in his parish who keep confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he gets so frustrated by it, he blurts out loud, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit!”
The mayor overhears this statement, and as everyone likes the priest, he aids the village in coming up with a code word. Someone who has committed adultery will from now on say they have “fallen”. As the old priest does not quit, it’s deemed a success, but then the priest dies and a new priest takes over.
About a week after the new priest has started, he visits the mayor and says, “You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen.”
The mayor laughs, quickly realising that no one has told the new priest about the code word. However, before he can explain it to him, the priest shakes an accusing finger at him and says, “I don’t know what you’re laughing about. Your wife fell three times this week.”

7 Hilariously Naughty Nun Jokes to Brighten Up Your Day

If you’re looking for a reason to smile, you’ve found the right place

David Graham,

Disclaimer: much naughty and groan-inducing nunnery ahead. You have been warned!

1.  A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won’t stop staring at her. (cabbie：計程車司機)

She asks him why he is staring, and he replies, “I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.”

She answers: “My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”

“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”

She responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that: number one, you have to be single, and number two, you must be Catholic.”

The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I am single and I’m Catholic too!”