一年初始，萬象更新；來點無傷大雅的哈哈或會心，應該不會引起什麼世風日下的感傷吧？

10 Adult Jokes So Funny You’ll Forget All Your 2026 Goals

Start 2026 the Same Way You Ended 2025 — Laughing

Lanquaye George K., 01/04/25

Let’s be honest, you’re not actually going to achieve all your 2026 goals anyway.

You know it. I know it. By February, at least three of them will be gathering dust next to your gym membership.

So here’s a better use of your time: laugh until you cry at these jokes.

Here are 10 adult jokes so funny you’ll forget all your 2026 goals. At least temporarily.


#10 Long Life Secret

Three old men were sitting on a park bench when a reporter approached them, “I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell me your secret to a long life,” the reporter asked.
The three old men agreed, and the reporter asked the first old man his secret to a long life.
“I never drank alcohol, I never smoked tobacco, and I have been married to the same woman for fifty years.”
“That’s really remarkable!” said the reporter, “And how old are you?”
“I’m 93,” said the first old man.

The second man was asked the same question on his secret to a long life.
“I drank on occasion, I smoked, but not often, and I dated some.”
“And how old are you?” asked the reporter.
“I’m 91,” said the second man.

Finally, the reporter approached the third old man and asked his secret to a long life.
“I dated every woman that would go out with me, I drank until I passed out, and I smoked three packs of cigarettes a day.”
“Wow!” said the reporter, “And how old are you?”
The third man replied, “I just turned 29.”

#9 Olympics

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms.
Clearly impressed, he buys a pack.
Upon getting home, he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.
“Olympic condoms?”, she blurts, “What makes them so special?”
“There are three colors,” he replies, “Gold, Silver and Bronze.”
“What color are you going to wear tonight?”, she asks cheekily.
“Gold, of course,” says the man proudly.

The wife responds,
“Why don’t you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!”

#8 Mail Order Bride

Two men from a small Irish town were looking through a mail-order catalog, admiring the pictures of models.
Patrick said to Shane, “Have you seen these gorgeous women?”
“I have,” Shane replied. “And aren’t they stunning?”
“Have you seen the price?” Patrick exclaimed, his eyes wide.
Shane took a closer look. “You’re right — they’re not expensive at all. At that price, I’m buying one!”
Shane smiled and patted him on the back. “Good idea. You order one, and if she’s as gorgeous as the picture, I’ll get one too.”

Three weeks later, Shane asked, “Did you ever get that girl you ordered from the catalog?”
Patrick replied, “Not yet, but it shouldn’t be long now.”
“How do you know?”
“Well,” Patrick said with a grin, “she sent all her clothes yesterday.” (我想不出它的「笑點」何在)

#7 Guard Dog

A man is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company.

There’s plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he’s doing fine.

But after a few months, he starts feeling lonely.
The pig begins to look more and more attractive — soft pink flesh, round curves, and so on.
Every time he makes a move toward the pig, though, the Doberman snarls and once nearly bites his leg.
It’s incredibly frustrating.

One day, he sees a speck on the horizon.
He swims out and finds a drifting dinghy with a beautiful, unconscious woman inside.
He pulls her to shore, brings her into his hut, and nurses her back to health.
Eventually, she’s well enough to walk.
She says to him, “Thank you for saving my life. I don’t know how I can ever repay you. I’ll do anything — anything at all. Just name it.”
The man thinks for a moment and says, “Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?”

#6 Growing wild

A man who was very dedicated to his health, lifted weights and jogged five miles every day.
One morning, he looked into the mirror and admired his physique.
He noticed that he had a deep tan all over his body, except for one area, and decided to fix it.
He went to the beach, took off all his clothes, and buried himself in the sand, leaving only that one part exposed.

Two elderly women were strolling along the beach when one of them looked down and said, “There really is no justice in this world.”
The other woman asked, “What do you mean?”
The first woman replied, “Just look at that.
When I was 10 years old, I was afraid of it.
When I was 20 years old, I was curious about it.
When I was 30 years old, I enjoyed it.
When I was 40 years old, I asked for it.
When I was 50 years old, I paid for it.
When I was 60 years old, I prayed for it.
When I was 70 years old, I forgot about it.
And now that I’m 80, the damned things are growing wild!”

#5 Second Hand

Two guys were drinking together at a bar and went into the bathroom.
While standing at the urinal, Bill noticed his buddy was very well-endowed.
“It wasn’t always like that,” his friend said. “It’s a transplant.
I had it done over in Chicago. Cost me a thousand dollars, but as you can see, it was worth every penny.”
Inspired, Bill visited the Chicago doctor that same day.

Six months later, the two friends met up again at the bar.
Bill said, “I took your advice, but you were robbed. I got mine for $500, not a thousand.”
They went back to the restroom to compare.
“No wonder,” his friend said. “That’s my old one!”

#4 Swedish Sandwich

At a local college dance, a guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to dance.
While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, “In America, we call this a hug”.
She replies, “Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too.”
A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, “In America, we call this a kiss”.
She replies, “Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too.”

Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her, and says, “In America, we call this a grass sandwich”.
She says, “Yaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it!”

#3 Beer, Bar & Ballerina

A large woman wearing a sleeveless sundress walked into a bar.
She raised her right arm, revealing a huge hairy armpit, as she pointed to everyone sitting at the bar and asked, “What man here will buy a lady a drink?”

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her.
But down at the end of the bar, a drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, “Give the ballerina a drink!”
The bartender poured the drink, and the woman chugged it down.
She then turned to the patrons again, pointing around at all of them and revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, “What man here will buy a lady a drink?”
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, “Give the ballerina another drink!”

The bartender approached the little drunk and said, “It’s your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?”
The drunk replied, “Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina.”

#2 The Seminar

An engineer returned from a week-long seminar looking terrible.
His boss asked, “Are you sick? You look awful.”
“Well,” said the engineer, “I met a blonde there — an engineer-in-training who wanted tutoring.
One thing led to another, and we ended up in her room having wild, gorilla-like sex all night.”
“Okay,” said the boss, “that explains why you’re tired. But why are your eyes so red?”
“Well,” the engineer continued, “it turns out she was married and had a baby at home.
She started crying with guilt, and then I thought of my own wife and kids, so I started crying too.”

“I see,” said the boss. “But the seminar ended Friday. Why do you still look so ragged?”
“Well,” the engineer replied, “you can’t sit there and cry four or five times a day for four days straight and not look like this.”

#1 Lost Appetite

A woman asks her husband if he’d like some breakfast.
“How about bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, some fresh grapefruit, and a cup of coffee?”
He declines.
“It’s the Viagra,” he says. “It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”
At lunchtime, she asks again.
“Maybe a bowl of homemade soup with a cheese sandwich? Or a plate of snacks and a glass of milk?”
Again, he says no.
“Thanks, but it’s the Viagra. It’s really killed my appetite.”
Come dinnertime, she tries once more.
“I could go to the café for a burger, or make a pizza from scratch, or a quick stir-fry?”
Once more, he declines.
“Again, thank you, but it’s the Viagra. It’s really taken the edge off.”
 
“Well then,” she says, “would you mind getting off me? I’M STARVING!”


That’s all for today, but before you go…

If any of these made you laugh, consider following the Comedy Society publication. And if you want more humor? Click the image below.

Comedy Society-A Medium Publication 請至原網頁點擊「笑劇協會」標誌


Written by Lanquaye George K.

Editor-in-chief of Comedy Society. From Ghana with love. F@*k niches.

Published in Comedy Society

Comedy society is your best source of unique comedy content. We are dedicated to all forms of comedy content. 

A husband arrives home late one night from a poker evening with his friends to find his wife sitting up in bed, waiting for him. “Stop,” he says. “Don’t even bother having a go at me. Pack your bags. I lost you in the poker game, so you’re moving in with Brian.”

Fury floods his wife’s face. “How could you do such a terrible thing?” she rages.

我把很好笑的幾則移到前面；我看不懂或笑不出來的幾個放在後面；也當做幽默感/英文程度的測試題。

11 of the Best Blasphemous Jokes that I Could Find

The devil made me do it

Glenn M Stewart, 10/31/25

How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it…


Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peter’s Square.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, “My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”
The second Catholic man chirps, “My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Grace’.”
The third Catholic gent says, “My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says ‘Your Eminence’.”
The fourth Catholic man then says, “My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Holiness’.”
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, “Well….?”
She proudly replies, “I have a daughter,
slim,
tall,
38D--24--36.
When she walks into a room, people say:
Jeeeeeeeeeesssssssuuussss!”


A group of middle school students visit the Vatican.
The teacher guides them through the hallways and tells them about the paintings.
Teacher: “This famous painting made by Michelangelo represents God creating Adam. Can someone tell us what they see here?”
Susan decides to speak:
“Nice muscles,” she says
The teacher is furious for the blasphemy.
“Young lady, I’ll have you suspended for a day for that."
She then asks for another student's opinion
Sally decides to say:
“Both of them look hot.”
The teacher gets furious again:
“I’ll have you suspended for a week!”
“Now, can someone else tell me what they see in this painting?”
Betty goes and says:
“Well, I see a dick and a month's holiday.”


Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

8 More Hilarious Cowboy Jokes to ‘Steer’ You Right

I rounded these up out on the range

Glenn M Stewart, 10/24/25


A lone cowboy nobody knew walks into a saloon one morning.
He orders two drinks, which he downs slowly. When he was done with his drinks, he paid the bartender and walks out of the saloon. He sees that his horse with all his stuff is missing.
He turns around, walks back into the bar, pulls his guns from his holster and shoots them in the air.
“Whichever one of you cow dung stole my horse, better have it back by the time I finish my next drink, otherwise I am going to have to do what I did in Texas. And trust me, I don’t want to ever do that again."
He walks back to the bar, gets another drink, and slowly drinks it. The people in the bar started murmuring, talking amongst themselves and looking at the stranger with fear in their eyes.
The stranger finishes his drink, walks out, and his horse was there where he left it. He got up on it, when the bartender and the bar patrons ran out after him.
The bartender said, “Mister, we are sorry for what happened. But please tell us what happened in Texas after somebody stole your horse?”
The stranger looked at him and said, “I had to walk home."


A cowboy is hitching his horse in front of the saloon when a man storms out with a pistol. The cowboy walks into the bar, past a barfly with a half-empty drink, orders a beer and asks the barfly.
“Who’s the guy who just stormed out looking for trouble?”
The barfly responds, “Oh him? That’s Jake the Killer, he’s the meanest gun in the west with a bounty of a hundred dollars on him. I’m the lawman sent to deliver the bounty to whoever shoots him down.”
The cowboy says, “A hundred dollars! Hold my beer!” And runs out the door. The cowboy shoots Jake dead and comes back into the bar to collect his pay. The Barfly is waiting for him and drinking the cowboy’s beer.
The cowboy says, “I shot him down, give me the hundred dollars and my beer.”
The barfly responds, “Sir, I don’t know who you are or what you're talking about, but this is my beer. If you have a problem with that, we can take it outside after I finish my drink.”
The cowboy storms out of the bar with his pistol in his hands and a mean look in his eyes.
Just then another cowboy walks into the saloon, orders a beer, and asks the barfly who that dangerous looking man is.
The barfly sets down his half empty mug of beer and says, “Oh him? That’s Jake the Killer.”


A cowboy emigrated to Wales and opened a ranch at Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.
Unfortunately, none of his cattle survived the branding (烙印過程).

A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”
“No,” he replies, “I just got this state-of-the-art watch, and I was just testing it.”
The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”

The cowboy explains, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”
The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?”
“Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties.”
The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!”
The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, “Damn thing’s an hour fast.”


A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief.
The chief says to the cowboy, “You going to die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish a day for three days. On sundown of third day, you die. What is first wish?”
The cowboy thinks for a moment and then responds, “I want to see my horse.”
The Indians get his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse’s ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on the ass. The horse takes off.
Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with the cowboy.
The Indians look at each other, figuring, “Typical white man — can only think of one thing.”
The second day, the chief says, “What your wish today?”
The cowboy says, “I want to see my horse again.” The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horse's ear, then slaps it on the ass.
Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in the teepee with the cowboy.
The Indians shake their heads, figuring, “Typical white man — going to die tomorrow and can only think of one thing.”
The last day comes, and the chief says, “This your last wish, white man. What you want?”
The cowboy says, “I want to see my horse again.” The Indians bring him his horse.

Adult Jokes So Funny You’ll Spit Out Your Drink

Lanquaye George K., 10/16/25

Proceed at your own comedic risk.

These ten adult jokes are cheeky, clever, and just the right amount of wrong. So grab your drink, take a sip (you’ll regret it), and get ready to laugh harder than you have all week.

Fair warning: You cannot un-read these. These jokes will make you laugh, cringe, and probably regret everything about yourself for enjoying them.


At work one morning, Tom noticed something strange, his usually buttoned-up coworker, Dave, was wearing a shiny gold earring.
This was the same guy who once called patterned socks “too flashy.”
Finally, curiosity got the better of him. “Dave,” he said, “I didn’t know you were the earring type.”
Dave shifted awkwardly. “Oh, this? It’s… no big deal. Just trying something new.”
Tom nodded slowly. “Really? So… how long you been wearing it?”
Dave sighed and muttered, “Ever since my wife found it in my truck.”

14 Hilarious Jokes about Getting Old to Brighten Up Your Day

If you’re looking for the bright side of ageing, you’ve found it!

David Graham, 04/13/25

Disclaimer: Winston Churchill reminded us long ago that as we get older, we don’t have to fear avoiding temptation, as temptation will avoid us. But if you read this, regardless of your age, you may be tempted to laugh. You have been warned!

What’s the secret to having a smoking hot body as a senior?
Cremation.
(smoking hot body：惹火或撩人的身體)


What’s the best part of old age?
That it doesn’t last very long.


Why should you marry someone older than you?
As your looks fade, so will their eyesight.


What’s the ultimate proof you are old?
Your clothes have come back into fashion.


What is something only old people understand?
The importance of making a note by your bedside table to never take a sleeping pill on the same night as a laxative (通便劑).


Two old men are close to their last days and so decide to have a last night on the town. After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel. The Madam takes one look at them and whispers to her manager, “Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I’m not wasting two of my girls on them. They won’t know the difference.”

The manager does as he’s told, and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business. As they are walking home, the first man says, “You know, I think my girl was dead.”

“Dead?” says his friend. “Why do you say that?”
 
“Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving her.”

His friend says, “Could be worse, I think mine was a witch.”
 
“A witch? Why the hell would you say that?”
 
“Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck, and I gave her a little bite. Then she farted and flew out of the window. She took my teeth with her.”


Susan spotted that her friend, Jenny, was wearing a new locket, and so asked her if it contained a memento (紀念品).
“Yes,” Jenny says, “it holds a locket of my husband’s hair.”
Puzzled, Susan says, “But your husband is still alive?”
“I know,” says Jenny, “but his hair has gone.”


An elderly man and woman, both in their 70s, walk into a sex therapist’s office. The doctor asks, “What can I do for you?”
The man says, “Will you watch us have intercourse?”
The doctor raises his eyebrows, but is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice, that he agrees, and so they turn up to his office the next day and get it on in front on him.
When they finish, the therapist says, “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.” He then wishes them good luck, charges them £50, and waves them off.
A week later, the couple returns and asks the therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays him, then leaves. Finally, after three months of this routine, the therapist says, “I’m sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?”
The man says, “We’re not trying to find out anything. She’s married and we can’t go to her house. I’m married and we can’t go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges £98. The Hilton charges £139. We do it here for £50, and I get £43 back from BUPA.” (BUPA：一間跨國健康護理集團)


An elderly couple are lying in bed one night. The husband is falling asleep, but the wife is in a romantic mood and wants to talk. She says, “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.”
Wearily, he reaches across, holds her hand for a second and then lets go and tries to get back to sleep. A few moments later, she says, “Then you used to kiss me.”