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親子關係篇 -- 開欄文：《父母偏心年紀較長子女和女兒》評論
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整體而言，這個報告的內容通得過「符合常識」的第一層次考驗(請見本攔下一篇)。但在對子女的「控制程度」上，我懷疑做研究的兩位學者自己沒有年紀較長的子女。十四、五歲的孩子比兒童的常識多，自然不必事事照顧、提醒；十八、九歲的的青少年比十四、五歲的孩子更能辨別安全和危險，自然可以有更大的活動空間。
這個報告是統計上、西方社會、和一般性的當代研究。如報告中引述一位學者所說：現實生活中我們還要考慮歷史、社會、文化、和個別因素。
如報告中引述另一位學者所強調：父母「偏心」對子女成長有嚴重的負面衝擊。我們應該從自身經驗就能了解這個現象；尤其在心理健康和人格形塑兩個面向。
因此，這個報告的價值在指出：做父母者要時時提醒自己「不可偏心！」
本文於 修改第 5 次
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跟女兒親密互動的老爹-Nicole Fallert
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Girl dads (see Urban Slang)：跟女親密互動的老爹 (見《AI 摘要》)
請參考：
* A bit of advice for all girl dads
* What is this current obsession with “girl dads” all about?
* Why we need to stop praising ‘girl dads’ (But hush, I love mine)
'Girl dads' are taking over the internet. Is that a good thing?
Nicole Fallert, USA TODAY, 06/26/25
"Girl dads" are melting hearts right now.
Content of fathers positively and hilariously participating in the social and emotional lives of their daughters are going viral. These men are princesses (wearing wigs). Parents with dad bods who contour and paint their nails. They're unbothered by tiaras and tutus. They drink matcha.
The videos highlight how today's dads are more engaged and involved with their children than fathers in previous generations. Recent research backs this up. And while online chatter about "girl dads" is now growing, there's long been similar discussion of "boy moms." Cultural watchers say it's a good thing to see hands-on parents earning attention and, in some cases, admiration, but these viral trends also beg the question: Why are we still gendering everything so much? And are we celebrating "girl dads" more than moms?
Do 'girl dads' signal a true shift in parenting roles?
Despite the funny or relatable picture these trends paint, they also signal that parents alone can't change decades of gendered stereotypes about how we raise kids, said Clare Stovell, a lecturer in sociology of gender at the University of College London.
"I have reservations about being so focused on gender with parenting and the connotations that implies, the assumption about what it is to be a girl, what it is to be a boy, and what it is to parent girls and parent boys," Stovell said.
Dads haven't always had hair braiding in the job description, so representations of men positively involved in their kids' lives should be celebrated, Stovell said. And moms being who they want to be to their kids should be similarly rewarded − but that's not always the case.
The memes about "boy moms" tend to lean more into the stereotype of the overbearing mama bear or the exhausted mom chasing after out-of-control toddlers.
Plus, a true shift in what parenting means is more likely to come when raising kids isn't categorized along the lines of "his" and "hers" at all, said Jessica Calarco, professor of sociology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison.
Breaking old parenting thinking comes from subtracting labels, rather than adding them to our interactions, she said. The fun in the "boy mom" and "girl dad" can get lost if it eventually leads to kids getting different kinds of parenting because of their gender, rather than receiving the care that fits them as individuals.
"Gender is more fluid than we give it credit for," Calarco said. "Often these tropes become increasingly stereotypical the more they get used."
Moms still do the lion's share of parenting
Only time will tell if the prevalence and praise of the "girl dad" trend signals a true shift toward more equal parenting responsibilities.
"(Girl dad) interactions are fantastic, it's brilliant," Stovell said. "It's nice seeing fathers more involved in childcare. But that shouldn't be at the expense of acknowledging the real hard work mothers do all the time as well."
Strides have been made in recent years and dads are more involved than ever − but moms still shoulder more of the childcare responsibilities. Women spend twice as much time as men, on average, on childcare and household work, according to an October 2024 study by the Gender Equity Policy Institute. And for many women, that looks like a double shift of paid and unpaid work, researchers found.
"Women overwhelmingly do the majority of childcare," Stovell said. "But are we as shocked or impressed to see a mother interacting with her son doing stereotypically masculine activities?"
Until the answer to that question is yes, we've probably still have a ways to go.
本文於 修改第 2 次
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《出生秩序關乎你的個性和健康》讀後
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從這篇報導我們可以了解到「成長過程」的重要性和形塑力道(請見本欄上一篇)。例如，在「中間子女」這一節，作者從「出生秩序」對「個性形成」的影響，談到「個性」決定你對職業和婚姻對像的選擇。這是我接受和強調「社會建構論」的原因之一。
補充三點。
1) 中文標題是我的意譯。真正造成「影響」的因素不是「出生秩序」本身，而是「出生秩序」所導致的(父母)差別待遇，和此「秩序」所產生對(子女)「角色」的分工和預期。如該文指出的「長女症候」。
2) 該文「長子、長女」這一節提到：「總裁通常是『長子、長女』出任」。除了「出生秩序」造成他/她們在「個性」和「能力」的優勢外；另一個重要因素是：西方社會傳統上採取「長子繼承權制」；在家族控股的企業中，長子另外具有「栽培」和「持股」兩大優勢。
3) 該文談到「中間子女」的意見常被忽視。除了「出生秩序」使得這類子女在家中「地位」較低，「話語權」較小之外；另一個重要因素是「少不更事」；也就是說：由於年齡小、經驗少，知識自然不夠、考慮也難以周全。
該文最後一節特別談到：「如何扮演稱職的父母角色」。值得參考；我也大力推薦(請參考開欄文)。
許多社會問題源自一對失敗或不稱職的雙親。該文整篇的主旨雖然不在討論「父母學」，但它提示了許多「父母不該有行為」的案例。如果細讀，我相信大家都能體會：做為「父母」，某些「行為」、「態度」、和「不做為」所產生的嚴重後遺症。
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出生次序關乎你的個性和健康 - Mikaela Conley
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Are you the firstborn, middle child or baby of the family? Your place in the birth order affects your health.
Your birth order influences more than just your personality.
Mikaela Conley, Editor, Yahoo Life, 04/24//25
While birth order is known to influence people’s personality traits and behavior, whether you’re the cautious first-born or the risk-taking youngest child, that’s not the only way it affects your life. Research suggests it may also affect some aspects of your health, including your immune system, obesity risk, anxiety levels and more. “Although health outcomes are influenced by myriad factors, an individual’s personality traits, coping mechanisms and stress management, which greatly impact overall well-being, are layered by the intricate role of birth order,” Dr. Michael Valdez, medical director of Detox California, tells Yahoo Life.
Whether you’re the oldest child, the youngest or are right in the middle (and even if you’re an only child), here are some of the surprising ways birth order can have an impact on your physical and mental health.
The first-born child
First-born children tend to be responsible, or rule followers. They often take on the caretaking role among their siblings. They can be prone to worry and are often seen as mature for their age. They are known to be comfortable taking charge. One study found that CEOs are more likely to be the first-born child. Another showed they are more likely to get higher education and make more money than their younger siblings.
But being first-born doesn’t necessarily mean an easy life start. One study found that firstborns were more likely to be born preterm and with lower birth weight compared to their later-born siblings. However, this gets balanced out because parents tend to be more attentive with their firstborn when it comes to doctor’s visits and preventive care than their subsequent children — specifically, the study authors found that “earlier-born children are more likely to participate in preventive medical screenings, their vaccine uptake rates are higher and they see their general practitioner (GP) or pediatrician more often.” Researchers say that, as parents have more children, this may change likely due to waning resources, including time and money.
Beyond the physical health aspects, Alyson Curtis, a New York-based therapist and founder of Attuned Therapy, says that because they’re born first, the oldest sibling is often “parentified,” or pushed into a parent-like role. For girls, there’s even a specific term for this — eldest daughter syndrome, which describes the disproportionate responsibility often given to the oldest girl in the family.
“Essentially, the eldest child grows up too fast as a form of survival,” Curtis tells Yahoo Life. “They learned at a young age that taking care of others is where their self-worth lies since that is what their caregiver valued in them.”
Because of this, older siblings may end up being more “conscientious or careful, possibly because of the higher expectations placed on them, and may be more proactive in managing their health,” Claudia Giolitti-Wright, founder of Psychotherapy for Young Women, tells Yahoo Life.
But this kind of upbringing can have “dangerous implications on their mental health,” says Curtis.
A report from Epic Research published in 2024 found that the oldest children were 48% more likely to have anxiety and 35% more likely to have depression than those who came later in the birth order.
The middle child
Ah, the middle child. If you are one, then you already know the struggle of being overlooked and forgotten. There’s even a term for it: middle child syndrome.
Sandwiched between the responsible eldest and the free-spirited youngest, middle children tend to be the peacemaking mediators of the family. While they can be people pleasers, they are also known to be rebels who try to carve out their own path. Research shows middle children engage in riskier behavior than their older siblings.
It might be a tough place in the birth order, but being the in-between also has its benefits. A large study published in February showed that middle children ranked highest in honesty, kindness and cooperation.
Still, Giolitti-Wright says she has seen patterns of self-silencing and feeling overlooked in middle children. They “tend to ignore their needs because it wasn't ever about them.”
This can affect mental well-being, sometimes manifesting as anxiety or depression, especially if the middle child’s role in the family wasn't clearly defined or validated, adds Giolitti-Wright.
When it comes to physical health, middle children tend to have better immune systems than the oldest because of the early exposure to germs.
The youngest child
Youngest children are often seen as charming free spirits. As the babies of the family, no matter their age, they are generally given more leniency than their older siblings. They are known to be fun, rebellious risk-takers.
The good news for the youngest ones is that they, just like middle children, tend to have better immunity than their oldest sibling thanks to the germs they are exposed to from the get-go, early and often. This is known as the Hygiene Hypothesis. One paper found that younger siblings are less likely to have asthma and allergies than their oldest sibling, while other research suggests that having older siblings is associated with a lower risk of food allergies.
Still, while the oldest sibling tends to have worse health outcomes at birth, that role switches as kids get older, with research showing that younger siblings are more likely to have hospitalizations because of risky behavior, including accidental injuries and drug use.
While youngest siblings are often indulged for being “the baby” or the "protected" one, they “might receive less one-on-one medical attention simply because parents are stretched thinner or less anxious than they were with their first child,” says Giolitti-Wright.
When it comes to mental health, Curtis says younger siblings can be prone to struggles with self-esteem and self-efficacy. “Essentially, the pervasive dynamic of ‘coming last’ to older siblings leads to a reduced sense of one’s own abilities,” she says. “When you consistently can’t influence outcomes due to the developmental disadvantage of being last in the birth order, you adapt by ‘going with the flow.’”
A younger sibling may go on to be an adult who speaks up less, continues Curtis, believing that their opinion doesn’t matter as much because it didn’t when they were learning how the world worked. “A self-fulfilling prophecy is then enacted over and over again, creating a vicious cycle, wherein the individual doesn’t feel very powerful in their own life. … These types of thoughts have the capacity to alter one’s entire life, from what profession they choose to what kind of partner they marry,” says Curtis.
Only children
Are only children really "lonely onlys"? The idea of being an only child has strangely gotten a bad reputation in the past, even gaining the term “only child syndrome.” This refers to the idea that children who do not have siblings are bossy, spoiled, selfish and lack coping skills. But there isn’t much evidence to support this claim.
“One of the benefits I often see in both research and my own clinical work is that only children tend to be highly verbal, mature for their age and comfortable in adult spaces,” says Giolitti-Wright. “They're often great at entertaining themselves, thinking creatively and developing a strong sense of identity because they've had a lot of solo time and adult interaction growing up.”
Still, if an only child comes from a dysfunctional household, Curtis says this is where things can get tricky. “I … see in my practice how only children take a greater hit coming from households with complex trauma than their counterparts who had siblings. … Siblings can be a life vest for any intense pressure or dysfunction the parents are knowingly or unknowingly putting on the children.”
Like first-born children, research shows only children are more prone to anxiety and depression. “Only children may have better access to resources but might also carry higher pressure to excel,” says Giolitti-Wright.
When it comes to physical health, research suggests there’s a link between only children (and last-born children) and a higher risk of obesity in childhood and adulthood. In another study, researchers found that only and last-born children are more likely to be overweight or obese if their mothers tended to discourage them from eating and were less likely to praise them during meals.
What should parents take away from this?
While birth order can influence a person’s life, there are no absolutes, Amy McCready, founder of Positive Parenting Solutions, tells Yahoo Life. “As parents, we have tremendous power to help our kids avoid falling into those common stereotypes through the way we interact with them.”
When it comes to their kids, McCready says it’s important for parents to try and avoid labels and comparisons, which can pigeonhole kids into roles in which they feel stuck, even into adulthood. Instead, celebrate individual strengths.
Next, check in with them. “It’s not just what we do, it's how our kids interpret it,” McCready says. She suggests asking: “How do you feel about the jobs we each have in the family?” and “Do you ever feel like I expect more from you than your siblings?”
For families with multiple children, it’s important to “prioritize one-on-one time,” says McCready. “Even just 10 or 15 minutes fosters deep emotional connection and helps each child feel truly seen, heard and valued. Because it’s one-on-one, your child doesn’t have to compete with siblings for your attention — they get you all to themselves, reinforcing their sense of belonging and significance, no matter their birth order.”
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父母偏心年紀較長子女和女兒 - Nicola Davis
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請參看開欄文。
Sibling rivalry: parents favour older children and daughters, study finds
International research also reveals conscientious or agreeable children are likely to receive preferential treatment
Nicola Davis, Science correspondent, 01/16/25
As Philip Larkin once noted, your mum and dad have a lasting effect on you. Now, researchers have revealed which siblings in a family are more likely to be favoured: it is bad news for sons.
Researchers have found daughters, older children and those who are more conscientious or agreeable are likely to receive preferential treatment.
The authors of the study say the findings have important implications, adding that previous work has suggested differential treatment of siblings can have negative consequences for children’s development, especially for those who are less favoured.
“Parents and clinicians should be aware of which children in a family tend to be favoured as a way of recognising potentially damaging family patterns,” they write.
Writing in the journal Psychological Bulletin, Alexander Jensen and McKell Jorgensen-Wells from Brigham Young University in the US and Western University in Canada respectively, report how they analysed data from a host of sources – including 30 peer-reviewed journal articles – encompassing 19,469 different participants from the US, western Europe and Canada.
The pair considered the birth order of siblings, their self-reported gender, their temperaments and personalities – typically reported by their parents - and explored whether these were associated with various aspects of parental favouritism.
In most cases, the sources used only the children’s reports of parental favouritism, although some included reports from the parents.
When the researchers took into account whether the data had come from a peer-reviewed source, they found older siblings tended to be favoured by parents, at least when it came to areas of control, with such offspring tending to be given greater autonomy and be controlled less than their younger siblings.
Such differences, they note, could have important implications.
“A challenge that parents face is that differential control, regardless of whether it is developmentally appropriate or not, has been linked to lower self-worth and more problem behaviors among less favored siblings in both childhood and adolescence,” they write.
In addition, parents reported favouring daughters, although this was not noted by the children, with the authors noting this may suggest girls are easier to parent, on average.
The results also suggest conscientious children were slightly more favoured by parents, while a small bias was seen towards more agreeable children.
However, the study has limitations, not least that the team were unable to take into account the role of perceived fairness around differences in parenting. In addition, further work is needed to explore whether the patterns suggested by the study are the same across different life stages.
The researchers add the sizes of the effects were small, noting “the reasons why parents treat their children differently are likely more complex and extend beyond the factors explored in this study”.
Laurie Kramer, a professor of applied psychology at Northeastern University in Boston, cautioned that the data was collected in different ways among the different sources, and the analysis does not take into account potential shifts in cultural norms over decades.
But, she added, a key finding is that the characteristics and behaviours of the children themselves may influence parents’ attitudes. “The idea that children can make it more or less easy for parents to parent them is really important,” she said, although she noted further research should explore if parental preferences influence their children’s temperaments as well.
Karl Pillemer, a professor of human development at Cornell University, said the findings are enlightening, but he noted different children may be favoured for different things. “Parents do differentiate among their children, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that they like or love one more than the other,” he said.
Pillemer added that his own work has found parents try hard not to show or act on their preferences. “The problems occur when nearly universal feelings of preference among children translate into treating them differently,” he said. “We can’t help how we feel, but we can definitely help how we act towards our children.”
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