Being Human: What a Pain!  

Meredith F. Small,

LiveScience's Human Nature Columnist, LiveScience.com

Humans are the most intelligent, most capable animals on

Earth. But, geez, it sure is hard to be us.

Let's start with the human body, that well-oiled machine of

anatomy that has been selected over more than 5 million

years to operate in just about any environment. But those

who actually inhabit a human body know that it's often a

real pain, from top to bottom.

Take the human skull. Please. Take it.

Shaped like a honeydew melon and weighing about the

same, the human head is balanced precariously on a

clickety-clackety length of natural-bone Legos that

undulate in two curves, as if one weren't enough.

Any farmer knows you can't put a pumpkin on a length of

wavy garden hose and expect it to stay upright. And so

we have neck aches and shoulder aches from holding the

heaviest feature of our bodies at the top.

We also have all sorts of features that allow us to walk

upright -- a wide pelvis, long legs, strong feet - but anyone

who has tramped though a mall for half a day shopping for

clothes can attest to the inadequate nature of this

system. Our feet hurt, our calves scream and our pelvis

just wants to sit down.

Human also have flexible hands left over from our tree-

living ancestors, but these same hands make us slaves to

computers and manicures, and the occasional paper cut.

We also have external sex organs that cause endless

problems. Ever try to find a bra that actually fits? Or a

pants zipper that's safe?

Evolution has also selected our species to be a social

one, which might sound uplifting in an all-join-hands kind of

way, but it's actually one of the most difficult aspects of

being human. Every minute of every day we have to track

who is doing what to whom, and what that might mean.

Because of our need for each other, we spend way too

much time with each other, including people we don't even

like.

One major mark of our species, the thing that clearly

separates us from the apes, is spoken language. Sure,

we can talk to each other, express ourselves and such,

but at the same time, nothing gets a person in more hot

water than talk. Face-to-face, behind their back,

whispered, shouted or written, words are our real

downfall.

Even that most lofty of human traits, our big brain, comes

with a major cost.

Because of all that gray matter and all those neuronal

synapses, we get emotions, and with emotions come

trouble. Big Trouble. Love, hate, joy, anger, happiness,

depression, excitement, anxiety. What we get is a roller

coaster of emotions that takes us for a daily ride up and

down and all over. We think and worry about things that

are not the least bit under our control, and then we worry

some more.

It's exhausting and painful being a human being. Next time

I want to come back as agile as a monkey, sleek as a

dolphin, and silent as a mouse.

And I'd like to be as brainless as a lizard.

·           Humans: The Strangest Species 

·           Top 10 Worst Hereditary Conditions 

·           The Body Quiz: What the Parts Do 

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