<笑話譯籮筐>Henpecked懼內

世界新聞網 北美華文新聞、華商資訊

A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself.

 The husband decided to take the doctor's advice.

心理醫生建議一個怕老婆的男子展現強勢氣概，男子決定聽醫生的話。

He went home, slammed the door and growled, "I want my supper right now,

 and when you get it on the table, go upstairs and lay out my clothes.

 Another thing, you know who is going to tie my bow tie?"

他回家時甩門，對妻子叫嚷：

「我現在就要吃晚飯，你煮好飯就上樓折我的衣服。

還有一件事，你知道誰要幫我打領結嗎？」

"I certainly do," said his wife calmly, "the undertaker."

妻子淡定的回答：「當然知道。葬儀社的人。」

<笑話譯籮筐>Old Man 老人家

An old man is sitting on a park bench crying.

A young man is walking by and asks him why he's crying.

一名老翁坐在公園的長椅上哭。一名年輕男子路過，問他為何哭。

The old man says, "I have lots of money, a huge luxury apartment,

a beautiful 25-year-old wife who has sex with me twice a day."

老翁回答：

「我是有錢人，有一棟豪宅，25歲的妻子很漂亮，每天跟我做愛兩次。」

The young man says, "Then why are you crying!?"

年輕人：「那你還哭什麼？」

The old man replies, "I can't remember where I live!"

老翁：「我想不起來自己住哪裡。」

註：范姥說，這是圓子花

<笑話譯籮筐>Smart Students聰明學生

Two college students were walking across campus when one said,

"Where did you get such a great bike?"

兩名大學生走在校園，甲說:「哪裡來的高級腳踏車?」

The second student replied,

"I was walking along yesterday when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.

She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,

 "Take what you want."

乙回答: 「昨天我走路時，遇到一個美女騎這台車。

她把車摔在地上，把衣服脫光，告訴我『隨便你選』。」

The first student nodded approvingly,

"Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

甲點頭說:「明智的選擇。她的衣服你可能不合身。」

<笑話譯籮筐>House-cleaning大掃除

 John goes to see his supervisor. "Boss," he says,"

we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow,

and my wife wants me to help with the moving and hauling stuff."

約翰向主管報告說：「長官，我們家明天大掃除，我老婆要我幫忙挪東西。」

 "We're short-handed," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."

上司回答：「我們人手不足，明天不能請假。」

 "Thanks," says John. "I knew I could count on you!"

 約翰：「謝謝，我就知道可以靠你。」

註：摘自世界日報

<笑話譯籮筐>Police Lineup警局指認

Police investigating a robbery in Los Angeles

 had good luck with the suspect.

洛杉磯警察調查一件搶劫案時很幸運，輕輕鬆鬆就抓到嫌犯。

Detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words,

"Give me all your money or I'll shoot."

警察要排隊供被害人指認的幾名男子說：「錢全部交出來，不然我開槍了。」

One of them, when it was his turn, shouted, "That's not what I said!"

輪到其中一名男子時，他說：「我不是這麼說的。」

註：摘自世界日報

<笑話譯籮筐>Wedding Anniversary結婚周年

Two older gentlemen were talking and one said to the other,

"What are you going to get your wife for your 20th anniversary?"

兩個老男人在聊天，甲說：「你要送什麼給老婆慶祝結婚20周年? 」

The other replied, "We're going on a trip to Australia."

乙回答：「去澳洲旅行。」

"Wow, Australia. That's going to be hard to beat.

what are you going to do for your 25th anniversary?"

甲：「哇，去澳洲，這樣的禮物很難超越。那你25周年要怎麼做?」

"Go back and get her."

乙：「去澳洲把她帶回家。」

Heavy Drinker 酒癮大

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender

 to pour him twelve drinks.

 He starts shooting them back one after another.

一名男子走進酒吧，要酒保倒12杯烈酒。他一杯接一杯猛灌。

The bartender says, "Boy you are drinking those drinks really fast."

酒保說：「哇，你喝得真快。」

The guys says, "Well, you would be drinking really fast too

 if you had what I've got."

男子回答：「如果你的錢跟我一樣多，你也會速戰速決。」

The bartender says, "What've you got?"

酒保問：「你有多少錢?」

The guy says, "80 cents."

男子回答：「80分。」

註：摘自世界日報

古今中外，都有鬼故事，老外也是鬼話連篇的！

是遇到鬼了嗎？

<笑話譯籮筐>Misspell拼錯

A man was walking home after a party

and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery.

 Right in the middle of the cemetery he was startled

by a tap-tap-tapping noise.

一名男子參加派對後回家，決定走捷徑穿過公墓。

走到一半，他聽到叩、叩、叩的聲音而嚇一跳。

He found an old man with a hammer and chisel,

chipping away at one of the headstones.

 "What are you doing working here so late at night?"

他看到一名老翁拿著鐵鎚和鑿子，在一面墓碑上敲打，

就問：「三更半夜，你在這忙什麼? 」

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

老人家回答：「那些人真笨，把我名字拼錯了。」

註：摘自世界日報